Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to just ignore Mil for the rest of my life

100 replies

Mmolly2013 · 15/12/2014 13:05

Over the years mil and SIL have done and said some evil things to me.

Now my big issue is that mil illegal took out a catalogue in dps name after he moved in with me (so post was going to her house still). She ran up a huge debt which went unnoticed until dp saw it on his credit file, he then went ballistic and she promised she would pay the debt off in June with a claim she was getting for a car accident. June came and went she decided to get her house redecorated and then went on to go on holiday in November with SIL, obviously paid for by mil.

So now we are in December she promised debt would be paid this week with a different claim she is waiting on a cheque to clear. Now what I can't get over is that because of this we have to wait an extra 6 months to apply for a mortgage be cause you can't have any defaults on credit file.

Me and dp recently had a little baby and are currently renting (expensively) and I am so bitter about the fact my baby will be walking by the time we get our own house and I don't think this house is safe enough for a toddler, the baby will also have no bedroom until we get our own house which obviously is really inconvenient All because of mil.

She thinks I do not know about is debt but really I want to corner her an get it into her head how much she has affected a lot of things in our life. Also my dp wanted to retrain for a new career but has to put this off because we need his full income for our mortgage application so he cannot drop hours to retrain just yet.

She came up to see us the other day and I could even look at her I feel so angry an bitter about the whole situation. Especially as dp let it go on so long. I think mil is a narc as she fails to see any repercussions of her actions.

OP posts:
merrymouse · 15/12/2014 16:28

And I know that is hard, and agree that morally she has acted badly towards you - it's just that practically and legally your DP is the person who is able to take action.

Original poster
Mmolly2013 · 17/12/2014 16:23

So apparently the debts going to be paid tomorrow. My partner is going to call up after work to see her face to face and he will ring the company himself. I've banned her from the house I don't want her near me again. I'll give an update if it's actually paid

OP posts:
ftmsoon · 17/12/2014 16:29

Fingers crossed for you.

BeetlebumShesAGun · 17/12/2014 16:36

Hi, sorry I haven't read all posts so sorry if someone has already mentioned this, but your DP can report the fraud without naming her as the culprit. The catalogue company will do its investigation and probably discover IT was her anyway, but if you report it the debt will be wiped from his credit file, and protective markets will be placed on the file that show he has been a victim of fraud, so the mortgage company will see those. Also if she ever tries to pull it again, those markers will flag up to potential lenders and they will call your DP to check it is a genuine application.

Even if she does pay it (which I doubt) the debt will still show and affect your future.

And in answer to your question, no you WNBU to ignore her forever Grin

Hope you get it sorted

BeetlebumShesAGun · 17/12/2014 16:36

Sorry for typos!

mumof6needssanity · 17/12/2014 16:39

Fingers crossed. Good luck.

P.s.
I am nc with my pil as are our dc, my dh does still talk to them and very occasionally see them.
Dh is slowly becoming more upset with them as he now sees what they are like.
Our dc and I haven't seen them for a couple of years now. It's been lovely Grin

simontowers2 · 17/12/2014 16:40

If it isnt paid by tomorrow, i would be reporting for fraud, if your spineless dp wont agree to that, tell him it's time to go your separate ways.

Tryingtobecalm · 17/12/2014 16:42

Just caught up with this thread. Fingers crossed. I would be livid!

NanaNina · 17/12/2014 17:44

Sorry but I don't really understand about this debt. Your MIL took out a catalogue in her son's name and ran up a big bill - but presumably the catalogue company must be harassing her for the money, not your DP - or trying to contact him at his mother's address - is that right? If the debt is on DP's credit file, then surely the cat company must know his address and would be harassing him for the money, or even passing the debt on to bailiffs? Do you know the sum involved? Sorry if I'm missing something I just can't quite understand what's happening here, as the cat com must be harassing someone for this unpaid debt.

Mulderandskully · 17/12/2014 18:03

They'd be harassing him at his mothers house. The debt would also be registered there on his credit file .

He wouldn't be getting any of it as obviously no longer lives there

Icimoi · 17/12/2014 18:37

What on earth are all these claims she has? Are they accident claims? Because they sound highly suspicious also.

Original poster
Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 08:52

she applied for the catalogue account in his name before we moved in together, you would have to call up and change the address for the catalogue to have his new address. It doesn't automatically update via his bank that's not how it works. So they only have his old address.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 08:55

The catalogue company obviously sent letters in do name at his old address but his mum has ALWAYS intercepted the post, over the years she has read his mail many times I actually mentioned this at the start of the post.

Also she was in a car accident with the sister and her partner so it's a big family claim they are getting. She also crashed during a driving lesson with an instructor so that was the previous claim, she's a big drama queen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 08:57

I'll also add (because is is what they are like). His sister moved into a new council house and there was a small pothole outside, she pretended she fell into it with her son in her arms and is pursuing a claim.

She didn't fall into is hole btw. Hmm You can see why we have never got on. Even through all this I don't understand how my DP has turned up so normal and lovely

OP posts:
dollius · 18/12/2014 09:14

Yes, but even if she does pay the bill today, you will still not be able to get a mortgage. The record of the default will remain on your partner's credit reference for around six years. You have to make a police report of fraud to get it removed, or take similar action.

I would go to CAB pronto for advice on this.

Roussette · 18/12/2014 09:14

I find people like this absolutely disgusting - claim after claim, no wonder my insurance policies are so effing high, it's because of people like them. Hopefully they will end up on a black list somewhere, I think that eventually happens. They sound like free loaders, and they are obviously liars. OP I wouldn't believe a word your MIL says. If she can think it's alright for her DD to pretend she's fallen down a pothole, her word is obviously not to be trusted in any way, shape or form. Good on your DP for breaking the mould!

Someone said up thread you had to leave it to your DH as it's his DM. Well... I would agree up until the point it affected ME. When that happened I would just speak my mind.

FrancesNiadova · 18/12/2014 09:50

MOLLY, you can phone Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111 to anonymously report any crime.

  • I know that Mrs Shifty of xxxaddress is fraudulently running up debts with catalogue companies.
  • Mrs Shifty & her daughter are currently involved in making some very questionable compensation claims from a variety of sources.
  • Thank you & Have a Nice Day.

That's it!

(It could be anyone reporting them, a neighbour who's a bit suspicious, someone MIL has talked to, one of DP' s friends).

Original poster
Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 09:57

yes but then my dp will know it was me. And how many of you here would report your parent to to police i highly doubt many of you would regardless.

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 18/12/2014 09:59

I think you need to realise that you will struggle to get a mortgage with a high street lender owing to this debt. The fact it's getting settled is not necessarily going to make things ok.

You will have to go to a mortgage broker who has knowledge of poor credit history. He will have the lender listed who might borrow to you.

The problem is you will pay a higher rate as a consequence of the default on your dh credit file. So while the high street lenders offer decent rates I expect your rate will be approximately 2pc higher than the average.

It's no use applying to your preferred bank as if they decline you, the search will appear on your dh credit file.

The only way around all of this is to report the situation accurately and that will enable your dh to have the defaults removed. I gather he doesn't want to report her to the police though. So tbh you're going to pay for get crime through your increased monthly mortgage payments.

Quitelikely · 18/12/2014 10:02

Or maybe if you explained whats going to happen to your mortgage deal she will go?

Quitelikely · 18/12/2014 10:02

To the police herself. I doubt the penalty will be harsh

FrancesNiadova · 18/12/2014 10:09

Molly, Crimestoppers is a charity who liaise with the police.
If your MIL is investigated, then it will be done with no mention of you because no-one, not even your DP will know that it's you.
It could be as the result of an investigation by the catalogue companies or the people that she's making dubious claims from.
YOU and YOUR BABY are the victims of a crime.
Your lives are being trashed by a manipulative, ruthless, emotionally abusive, professional thief.
I am really Angry for you & Angry that this experienced criminal is abusing you in such a way.

Original poster
Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 10:10

We are going to apply for a co-ownership mortgage which allows a certaon amount of debt. Although by the time we apply we wont have any debt and as long as you have no red defaults within the year then thats also fine. so we can apply 1 uear awau from when she bloddy pays it off

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 18/12/2014 10:19

OP it is fine to have debt when applying for a mortgage what isn't fine is if you have been missing payments or making late payments.

Has this happened or has she been making the payments?

TheDogAteTheHomework · 18/12/2014 10:34

Good luck for today - although sadly I suspect there will still be a debt outstanding at the end of the day still on your DP's name :(

I would be having no contact her and would find it difficult to respect a person who still did not stand up to their parent in a situation like this. :(

Swipe left for the next trending thread