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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu not giving my babies things to sil... *Very sensitive topic*

99 replies

IloveOreossx · 15/12/2014 12:14

in october 2011 I went into hospital at 39weeks pregnant with signs of labour. ultrasound then revealed that my daughter was gone. I'm not over it, its still very raw to talk or think about. I dont think anyone ever gets over something like that... I was over mils yesterday with my pregnant sil.
SIL then said "I'm having DDS NAMEs things, arent I?" My reply was "Well uh no. you're fking not!" sil then started shouting at me and calling me a selfish bitch and worse. I burst into tears and left. Mil was just sat there, mouth wide, eyebrows in her hairline while I walked out. I vaguely heard "What the absolute f are you thinking SILS NAME*" I just jumped in my car and drove off. AIBU? I've kept all of my daughters things in a big box with her ashes, Its the closest thing to a resting place I can give her, I don't want anyone taking that :(

OP posts:
Heels99 · 15/12/2014 12:16

Jesus Christ. That is horrendous. Your sil needs her head read.

Sorry for your sad loss. You did the right thing walking out, take care.

ToodlesMcToodles · 15/12/2014 12:17

YANBU. that's on of the most insensitive things I've ever heard someone do.

I'm so sorry for your loss Sad

RedToothBrush · 15/12/2014 12:17

Of course you aren't being unreasonable.

Sounds like your MIL is on your side too.

MikeTheShite · 15/12/2014 12:17

Sending my condolences.

Your sil should be very ashamed of herself

Thurlow · 15/12/2014 12:17

Of course you're not being U Sad

Sounds like you're MIL is on your side and is going to read your SIL the riot act.

Flowers
clam · 15/12/2014 12:17

Wow! Just wow! Your SIL was very rude even without the tragic circumstances. Sounds as if your mil has your back in this though. I'm sure you will be getting an apology soon?

So sorry. Flowers

ForTheLoveOfSocks · 15/12/2014 12:18

That sounded restrained. I would have knocked some sense into her.

Hope you're ok Flowers

Hoggle246 · 15/12/2014 12:18

That is beyond disgusting. Of course she shouldn't have them and I don't understand why she would even want them, let alone assume she was having them!

I'm so so sorry. Please ignore this selfish woman.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 15/12/2014 12:19

So sorry for your loss. Your SIL is totally out of order. How dare she presume you are ready/want to give them to her!

I hope you get an apology at the very least from her. Personally, I'd never speak to the bitch again.

flanjabelle · 15/12/2014 12:19

My goodness you think you have heard it all then something like this comes up. I have no idea how people like your sil sleep at night. She should be utterly ashamed of herself and no yanbu at all.

I am so so sorry for your loss, you keep your little girls things and treasure them forever x

Original poster
IloveOreossx · 15/12/2014 12:19

me and sil have never liked each other really, shes always looked down on me and dp (Because hes JUST a mechanic and im JUST a beauty therapist) I guess I was doubting myself, thank you all for your kind words x

OP posts:
LiDLrichardsPistachioSack · 15/12/2014 12:20

Oh my absolute goodness you poor love.
How on earth could you possibly be unreasonable? I have no words for your SIL's behaviour , what bloody planet is she living on??? Shocking. I'd never speak to her ever again.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

IAmAPaleontologist · 15/12/2014 12:20

So sorry for your loss.

It sounds as though your MIL will have read SIL the riot act thank goodness. Of course YANBU, your dd's things are incredibly precious to you and contain all the feelings and memories you were able to make. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 15/12/2014 12:20

That is just totally inexcusable.

You are absolutely not BU. I really hope that you can out this hideous incident out of your mind as much as you can

Separately, I don't think I could actually mix with someone who thought it appropriate to call me a bitch and shout at me - notwithstanding these horribly tragic circumstances. I don't often advocate this but I think it would be advisable not to have anything further to do with SIL unless she apologised profusely and with insight

Angelwings11 · 15/12/2014 12:21

No. No not at all. How incredibly insensitive!

I haven't personally lost a child at such a late stage in pregancy, but know friends that have. I know that the pain is still felt years later. Be kind to yourself and try and get someone to have a word with her or throttle her! so that she apologises!

nunkspugget · 15/12/2014 12:22

I'm lost for words! Do you think she'll apologise?? Not that any amount of begging and pleading would get me to forgive such utter cruelty. Poor you. X

Wolfiefan · 15/12/2014 12:22

You are not JUST anything. She's JUST awful.
I'm so sorry for your loss. A truly dreadful experience. Just no words. Sorry. xx

thewomaninwhite · 15/12/2014 12:22

I am sorry for the loss of your daughter Oreos Your SIL is way out of line and so insensitive. I too have lost a daughter and understand the need to keep things. I don't think that you do ever 'get over' the loss of a child but I think that is hard for others to understand sometimes (keeping in mind a conversation I had yesterday when someone used those words to me!)

The Sands line is a good place to talk if you did want to talk to someone out loud too. 020 7436 5881

Your SIL has made me cross let alone how you must feel.

MonstrousRatbag · 15/12/2014 12:25

Erm, do you think your SIL was out to engineer a row for some reason? Because the request itself was unbearably insensitive, but in addition she didn't even ask in a tactful way, then flew off the handle.

So as well as agreeing with all the previous posters, I wonder if there is more going on here than SIL being grasping about baby clothes.

Where to go from here? Don't deal with her, let your DP speak to her and/or BIL and/or MIL, and avoid her generally. She sounds as though she is out to hurt you (p'raps you get on well with your MIL and she is resentful of that?)

evelynj · 15/12/2014 12:26

Sympathies op. Sil is demented and/or a bitch.

Original poster
IloveOreossx · 15/12/2014 12:27

I doubt she will apologise, Shes an attention seeker who loves a good argument. she will scream and shout over absolutely anything. Its close to christmas so she probably wants an explosive argument during christmas dinner...

OP posts:
GingerbreadPudding · 15/12/2014 12:27

I can't bear to even let my own baby have the baby vest I bought for my first miscarried baby. She sounds truly thoughtless. How long ago did this happen? I'd be expecting a very, very quick apology. If she's left it for any period of time that's just worse. Does your husband know about this yet?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 15/12/2014 12:28

So sorry for your loss.
There's nobody on god green earth who would think you are being unreasonable. She sounds like a foul piece of work

angelopal · 15/12/2014 12:28

Sorry for loss of your daughter. I lost my first suddenly at 4 days old.

YANBU. That was awful of her. I would have left in the same situation. Unfortuately some people just do not understand how devastating it is to loose a baby. Even if you had not lost your baby they are still your baby things. It would be up to you if you gave them to her or not.

Can your Dh have a word with SIL? I would be tempted to not see her for a while.

Mammanat222 · 15/12/2014 12:28

Your SIL is a complete and utter disgrace and I would suggest that you have nothing further to do with her.

I cannot believe someone would have the brass neck to ask such a thing.

Sorry for your loss, it must be a horrendous thing to live through. I hope you have received some counselling / support?

X

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