Aibu not giving my babies things to sil... *Very sensitive topic*

[IloveOreossx]

in october 2011 I went into hospital at 39weeks pregnant with signs of labour. ultrasound then revealed that my daughter was gone. I'm not over it, its still very raw to talk or think about. I dont think anyone ever gets over something like that... I was over mils yesterday with my pregnant sil.
SIL then said "I'm having DDS NAMEs things, arent I?" My reply was "Well uh no. you're fking not!" sil then started shouting at me and calling me a selfish bitch and worse. I burst into tears and left. Mil was just sat there, mouth wide, eyebrows in her hairline while I walked out. I vaguely heard "What the absolute f are you thinking SILS NAME*" I just jumped in my car and drove off. AIBU? I've kept all of my daughters things in a big box with her ashes, Its the closest thing to a resting place I can give her, I don't want anyone taking that :(

Sorry for your loss . Your SIL is disgusting, I would personally go NC with her. How horrific and nasty is she! It's good that your MIL is on your side.

YANBU she sounds like a total bitch.

And why is it you who goes over to help out MIL and FIL when it is SIL who lives with them?

I would distance myself a bit to be honest.

What awful behavious. I'm so sorry OP first for the loss of your beloved daughter and second for your SIL's terrible insensitive behaviour.

Oh love, of course you're not being unreasonable

Your SIL was unbelievably cruel to even think about asking you for the precious things that are part of your daughters memorial box.

I haven't been through the tragedy you have and I'm practically in tears for you.

I hope your MIL gave SIL a piece of her mind!

x

Even if your dd didn't pass away, nobody is entitled to have things for free.

So sorry for your loss,

Your SIL is an insensitive complete idiot. Ignore her.

Can you get your DH to have a word with MIL to make sure that you and SIL don't meet for a while at MIL's? You enjoy going to MIL's which should continue, but it would be best if SIL was out of the way when you do for quite a while.

I'm so sorry for your loss and that your SIL is so completely horrible.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your SIL has behaved atrociously and needs her bloody fortune told! YA definitely NBU!

Bloody hell OP. So sorry for your loss. I would have gone ape shit at the presumption alone ("I'm having DD's things aren't I" WTF?), but in a situation where you have lost a precious baby, that is just callous beyond belief. I would definitely avoid her, if that means doing something different for Xmas day then so be it. I don't think I could sit across a table from her without strangling her.

I imagine she thinks that 3 years later (loads of time, in her view) you will/should have 'got over it'.

Obviously she has no clue and is insanely self-centred. Thankfully it sounds like your MIL has firmly set her straight.

I'm so sorry for your loss

You should avoid this woman. She's unbelievable.
I'm so sorry for your loss, it's the worst pain.
I have my little girls things safely in a box, and I often refold her clothes, or add a picture one of my other DCs has made, or a pebble from a beach or something. I couldn't ever part with them, they are all I have left of Merryn. Over time I think they will become more precious not less.
Try not to let this woman affect you too much, this is her problem and hers to carry, you have done nothing here that anyone would ever judge.
I hope christmas can be gentle on you! it's a tough time.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your SIL is an evil bitch, I am so glad your MIL has taken your side. Hopefully if she tries to start an argument again the rest of the family will collectively shut her up.

I am so sorry for your loss.
I have been on the receiving end of such thoughtlessness and it twists the knife and takes you right back (although mine was an early miscarriage).
That said - if you've not been through it I can appreciate that people fail too understand how carefully they should tread. With my empathy levels at maximum (and assuming dsil's level is at minimum) you could see how dsil could think it would be nice for the family to see the baby things being used.
But tbh she sounds a complete cow. You deserve an apology. I never got one and it led to nearly 2 years non contact - stuff Xmas and draw line in the sand now. If you dh doesn't back you up 100% give him hell.

I would never speak to her again. She's unbelievable.

So so sorry for your loss.

(((Op))) your sil is fucking outrageous.... She was being vvvv unreasonable.

I, too, lost my first dd who was stillborn. That was 9 years ago and I still have some of her things that I would not let my subsequent children have.

I do hope that perhaps your mil can help with making things easier for you before dp comes back. That is outrageous behaviour. She'd be one that I'd definitely avoid xxx

greengoose so sorry xx

Who the fucking hell does she think she is?! How fucking entitled can a person be?!

I have no words, OP, none.

My DH lost his son at 4 weeks old (SIDS) and still has some of his things stored in our home. If any of his siblings or their partners spoke to him like that, demanding his stuff, then verbally attacked him, I'm sorry to say that I would go fucking nuclear at them. (And DHs DS was with an ex partner, not me) so I have no idea the fury/upset you must be feeling right now.

I would speak to MIL and your DH. SIL needs to be told, sternly, what an utter rotten bitch she is. And she needs to apologise profusely.

You poor thing to have lost your little girl and to have a lunatic grabby witch for a SIL. Sending hugs.

OP you have every right to your view on your dear DD's things; of course they are for you alone to cherish and treat as you wish. I think your SIL is extremely unreasonable, and clearly so does everyone else on here. Which shows that your SIL is way out on a limb and has zero support for her outrageous and shocking comments, because they are completely unacceptable and wrong.

Poor, poor you, having to put up with someone like that in your family. But honestly, in due course she will reap what she sows, and her ignorant attitudes will not bring her any blessings, so please do not stress yourself out too much over someone like that. She just isn't worth wasting your precious emotional energy and attention on. I just hope and pray that you may be enabled to avoid her as much as possible, and that she will realise why - and feel truly ashamed of herself.

What an absolute fucking bitch

Please don't concern yourself with going to see your PILs at least until DH is home. And as for Christmas - please yourself, do not feel bound to go over there. Could they come to you, minus SIL?

Yanbu, what an awful person.

She shouldn't feel entitled to your stuff at all. It would be up to you to offer and as you hadn't, she shouldn't expect and certainly shouldn't ask knowing the backstory.

So sorry for your loss.

Bloody hell that's horrendous!
Poor you. I'm so sorry.
What did your husband say?

I would tell SIL to go fuck herself and never speak to her again. Ever.

Poor you! No way in hell are you BU, your sil sounds like an insensitive bitch! She should buy her own baby items rather than expecting you to pass on your precious daughters things x