to think about giving up high flying career to look after my DCs?

[EscapeFromTheRatRace]

I have name changed for this in case I work with any Mumsnetters! I am in quite a senior role in the public sector. I am quite well paid but have to work long hours and am never really off duty. I went into this line of work with ideals about making the world a better place but as I got more senior I got further and further away from anything that benefits people to a role where I implement the short sighted policies of politicians and have to market them to the people who are still on the front line. I get no fulfilment from it, haven't had a pay increase in years and spend a large amount of my earnings on paying other women to look after my children and my house. DH works too, he has a disability which he manages well. We have two young DCs and no family support so it's all full on.

We live in London and have been very lucky that despite the area we live in not being great, the house prices have gone through the roof. Basically if we sold, we can afford to buy somewhere in a lovely town not far from the coast and have no mortgage. DH could commute to work and I could become a SAHM. We could save and plan for our future - DH is an older dad and our current mortgage is predicated on him working until he is 73, which sounds miserable and wouldn't be great for his health.

My main concerns about this are 1. Is it fair on DH - he would have a longer journey to work and would have to drive, he currently cycles which is good for his disability. He thinks he could still fit in exercise, and that the advantages outweigh this. 2. We would be further away from my best friend, who is the nearest DCs have to family. Although there is a direct train from where she lives, and it takes less time than going to the other side of London. 3. Would traditional roles of male breadwinner and female caregiver be bad for DCs? I'm not meaning to have a go at SAHMs, just thinking it through. When DCs are at school I would happily work during the day and have done some self employed work before. 4. Would I be isolated or feel dependent on DH? I have a sort of feeling that I shouldnt be financially dependent on a man, but if it works for our family?

If anyone has any experience of this, good or bad or can give me any opinions to help me think it through that would be very helpful! Thank you.

Also bear in mind that infant and junior school children are still very little, and unless you are already in a job it can be hard to find work that fits around the school day and has flex to let you go to squillions of 'parental participation' things in the school day. Holidays aren't too much of a problem, taking a big paycut is ok if it works for you, but getting that combination of hours and flex is tricky. It isn't just about that 0-4 age - in many ways the nursery years are much easier to combine with work than school years. There is not much point being at home FT with a 4yo and then ending up putting that child into FT wraparound age 6 because you need to work and it's FT or nothing. I'm not saying keep your current job forevermore for fear of struggling to find another, but don't lose sight of the upsides of your current job and, frankly, the power it gives you. It's easy to look over the fence at that nice green grass and forget your own beautiful lawn.