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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Outdoing others at Christmas

81 replies

QuinnTwinny · 15/12/2014 00:57

I have several friends giving daily updates of their (frankly ridiculous) lists and generally getting quite braggy about what they have bought their children. I put a photo on Facebook of our tree and was almost immediately met with questions about how many of them are for DS, what they are and how much I had spent. I also ended up looking on netmums, because of a few comments from here, am I am gobsmacked at the blatant bragging!

AIBU to feel sad that christmas is pretty much turning into a pissing contest for some people?

OP posts:

cherubimandseraphim · 15/12/2014 11:53

I try to keep things a bit minimal, esp as have v small DC - children don't have expectations of masses of stuff at that age and have no concept of cost, so why go overboard? I think each Christmas should be just as good or a little better than the last, and how do you do that if you're getting them absolutely masses already when they're toddlers? I think my parents struck a good balance - a few nice gifts but not too much, and certainly not so much as to make the presents the whole deal about Christmas; and I'd like to do the same, and make Christmas more about the experience. We've spent around £100 on 2yo DD, for example - more than some children (and she's very lucky), but far less than others. (A lot of that £100 is funded by things like Clubcard vouchers and Boots points as well).

My sister spends loads more - about £300 per preschooler (!) and my SIL even more than that! (And to be honest, SIL's kids in particular really are spoiled - they are really materialistic even at 5 and 7, and will complain bitterly if a gift isn't expensive enough or exactly what they want :( Not nice at all to see children doing this :( )

Both sister and SIL are big fans of the "Facebook Christmas pile shot" and will post bragging statuses eg. "Look at our Christmas stash" IMO people can get their children whatever they like, but the bragging photos are pretty tasteless and competitive/consumerist because the only reason they're done is to show off / inspire envy / make other people feel inadequate (at least they are in SIL's and sister's case....) Actually, my reaction to them is to be a bit shocked rather than to be envious. They've got to the stage where half the room is taken up with presents. I really don't want my DD to have anything similar. I definitely don't want her becoming like the DNs - there's nothing quite like a five-year-old telling you that you haven't bought him as expensive a present as someone else

MonstrousRatbag · 15/12/2014 11:58

I don't think my parents spent £100 on me for any Christmas ever, nor am I spending anything near than on my children. I think it is deeply sad if anyone sees that as some kind of yardstick for how much they care. I've got a lot of relatives who will never have that kind of cash to spend on their children. How awful to have others shoving their extravagance in your face all the time.

But I despair at the sort of bizarre material lots of people feel compelled to broadcast.

Fallingovercliffs · 15/12/2014 12:04

I think Christmas is just becoming more and more competitive as time goes on; not helped by all the boasting, showing off and carefully staged photos on Facebook.

The only thing really is to take a step back and realise the crazy roundabout that some people are clinging grimly to in the lead up to Christmas; terrified that the neighbours will have more sensational lights in the garden, the kids down the road will have bigger and better presents, other people are being invited to more parties and dinners, their tree isn't big enough and elegant enough etc etc etc.

It all starts to look very silly from a distance.

cherubimandseraphim · 15/12/2014 12:09

Well, it's unlikely that my parents spent £100 on me as a child, given inflation over the last 30 years: though actually toys were much more expensive in real terms then, and they are cheaper now (made and imported from Asia like lots of consumer goods, hence why people have got into the habit of buying more of them).

As I said, I think DD is very lucky to have that spent on her - we could afford more, but I don't want to buy more. I gather from MN and other sources that that's a reasonably middling spend though, when you take into account how much many people do spend. There's a thread on stocking where some spend 50 or 70 pounds just on the stocking alone - each to their own though! But for me it's the Facebook photos and the effect on children of making Christmas all about the presents that I dislike. I'm sure there are lots of kids who get a lot and aren't spoiled. My DNs are, though; and this culture of bragging about how much they're getting is part of it, I think, because SIL definitely encourages them to think of Christmas in terms of how many presents they get.

happybubblebrain · 15/12/2014 12:12

I put presents under the tree because of a lack of space elsewhere and because it looks nice and makes us more excited about Christmas. I haven't put photos on facebook though. As an atheist Christmas is about two things - time off work and presents, I woudn't bother with it otherwise.

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2014 12:17

I haven't got FB. It's great. I am oblivious to everyone's expenditure and how big their tree is and if they are going skiing in Aspen for New Years. No pictures of Christmas dinners either.

try it.

Badvocinapeartree · 15/12/2014 12:17

Police forces suggest you do not put gifts under the tree as it attracts burglars.
Perhaps I am odd, but I don't give the tiniest crap what other people buy their kids.
Have a good Xmas everyone x

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/12/2014 12:32

How do you restrain yourself from posting
Get.A.Life ........... seriously?
Block them !

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2014 13:31

Nothing is private any more is it?

LoisHatesChristmas · 15/12/2014 13:37

The people who use fb as a diary really freak me out. I know its their choice but some go into minute detail. Its very odd.

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2014 13:39

I only see Ds1's FB and he is 15. I am amazed what people are desperate to share, and it's not just other teens.

Ragwort · 15/12/2014 13:40

Agree Sparkling - I have never had FB, don't want it and don't see the need for it.

There is real life out here you know.

Fallingovercliffs · 15/12/2014 13:40

It's very sad as well as some FB addicts even ignore people they're actually with in order to post rubbish for the benefit of their 'on-line friends'.

Summerisle1 · 15/12/2014 13:47

There have always been ridiculously competitive and braggy people out there. Facebook just gives them a handily available arena in which to live out their strange and really rather sad lives. Which is why I take almost nothing on FB seriously and have routinely hidden or defriended anyone who clearly knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2014 13:50

I just don't think anyone would be that interested in what I get up to on a daily basis, and i am not fussed what they are doing.

I think Twitter is hilarious. My tweets would be 'off to Wilko's to buy a mop' or some such.

LoisHatesChristmas · 15/12/2014 14:16

Someone on my fb had a right rant a few years ago when only "twenty per cent" of her friends bothered to like her photos of her dds first Christmas. I almost deactivated my account there and then. Its made people very egocentric.

MistressDeeCee · 15/12/2014 14:32

How very sad and boring. Just ignore, and be glad you're not like them

VeganCow · 15/12/2014 14:43

*I haven't got FB. It's great. I am oblivious to everyone's expenditure and how big their tree is and if they are going skiing in Aspen for New Years. No pictures of Christmas dinners either.

try it. grin*

Same here

LoisHatesChristmas · 15/12/2014 14:48

Ah but if you don't have fb how do you let everyone you've ever met in your life know how awesome you are? Do you track them down one by one and give them a clockwork orange style showreel?

Fallingovercliffs · 15/12/2014 14:51

I'm another one who's not on FB. I am blissfully unaware of what people are having for their dinner, or who they bumped into on the way home from work, or how many sets of fairy lights they have draped around their front garden, or how big a pile of presents are sitting under their trees or any other deeply boring stuff like that

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2014 15:41

I like to be an international woman of mystery Lois.

LoisHatesChristmas · 15/12/2014 15:50

Your a dying breed Sparkling

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2014 16:16

I may be Lois or nobody actually cares what the hell I get up to.

LoisHatesChristmas · 15/12/2014 16:26

Aww bless sparkling. So tell us about this mop...was it glittery?

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2014 16:34

Didn't get one in the end Lois. got sidetracked in the Christmas aisle.

I have been to B&M Bargains today though. Bought Cat Food, Smarties, Roll on Deodorant and microwave popcorn. Riveting.

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