Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this woman was being ridiculous

158 replies

MrsCosmopifairylight · 14/12/2014 22:48

I was out shopping yesterday in a small local branch of a chain store. The store has a lift and a flight of stairs.

I was coming up the stairs with my 3 year old (who was a bit ahead of me), and there was a woman at the top of the staircase.

Woman at top of staircase was peering down, anxiously, holding onto the rail. I assumed she was nervous about falling, so asked DD to stop and move aside so the woman could come down the stairs.

Woman remained at the top of the stairs, and then a young boy passed me and DD, and started to go up. Woman appeared even more anxious.

I said we'd stop to let her pass, so she could come down.
Then she said to us, and to young boy (who was headed to where she was) "I'm very superstitious. Please can you go back downstairs so I don't have to pass you?"

I rolled my eyes and stomped past her, with DD. Woman shot me nasty glares.

There was a shop assistant upstairs, about to approach the woman, but as the stairs were now "safe" she'd headed off to leave the shop.

If she was that bothered why the fuck didn't she use the lift? Or why didn't she just wait for other people to come up the stairs?

I don't understand superstition and I find it incredibly frustrating when there is no rational explanation for this sort of behaviour.

Before I get totally flamed, I've a friend with a number of mental health issues including OCD. She advises me that she has issues with things, and I accept these. However, she would NOT ask other people to go out of their way to accommodate her needs. If she needed to not pass people on a staircase then she'd get in a lift.

OP posts:
MackerelOfFact · 15/12/2014 10:20

I had no idea this was a superstition. I guess I'm eternally doomed given the hundreds of people I pass on stairs every day on the way to work.

I appreciate people have varying levels of mental and physical health and it must be frustrating to have to rely on the kindness of strangers to simply be able to go about your daily life.

But... I wouldn't have gone back down again in this case. Surely if she was at the top she could've just exited the stairwell and come back again when it was empty? Rather than you go right the way down down, wait for her to come down, and then you go all the way back up again?!

DixieNormas · 15/12/2014 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMook · 15/12/2014 11:02

In pregnancy, I get panic attacks about queuing and often start going faint. Doesn't mean I'd be reasonable to ask everyone else to clear out of my way.
A better approach would have been for her to have said that she was waiting for the stairs to clear, rather than wanting you to turn around with a small child.
OP's eye rolling was unreasonable, but she had made a reasonable offer of moving aside.

Did anxieties such as OCD manifest themselves as superstition? I can imagine that warding yourself against bad luck or evil spirits matched beliefs and knowledge of the time in a similar way that hygiene and cleanliness manifestations link to our current knowledge of microbes and illness. (As one example)

Original poster
MrsCosmopifairylight · 15/12/2014 11:08

Understand she had issues, but she should have gone up - she was two steps down - we were halfway up. I've a child that won't do as she's told and I can't let her run away from me into the shop.

The staircase was wide. The woman was rude and snappy. Superstition is ridiculous nonsense.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 15/12/2014 11:09

People seriously expect the OP to pander to someone like this in a busy shop ? Go back down the stairs?

My Dad was one who had the 'dont pass on the stairs' at home and it was always others that were made to move he wouldn't of tried that shit out and about

You can be as superstitious as you like in your own home...in a busy shop no way

SnotandBothered · 15/12/2014 11:16

^
This is in 'most active conversations'??

Fuck me.

Gruntfuttock · 15/12/2014 11:21

There's another way of looking at it. Maybe the OP did the woman a favour by not complying with her request. Then the woman would see that nothing terrible happened because she passed someone on the stairs. It's similar to what is done to help people with phobias. Sort of "feel the fear and do it anyway" and gradually or sometimes almost instantly, the fear disappears and you can live life normally.

zzzzz · 15/12/2014 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 15/12/2014 11:50

OK, so if you were more than halfway up already it was not unreasonable for you to continue and her to go back again. But still no need for rolling eyes, stomping and criticism on a public forum. It would have been just as easy to say "sorry, I can't really go back", smile, move on and forget about it.

vienna1981 · 15/12/2014 12:01

What a daft bat. I hope there were no ladders, broken mirrors or black cats in the vicinity. She would have gone into meltdown.

MackerelOfFact · 15/12/2014 12:20

YANBU op.

If she was walking with a frame and needed the entire width of the stairwell to safely manouvre herself down, then of course you should have moved.

If she was partially sighted and said that people passing her on the stairs threw her off course, then of course you should have moved.

If she was badly claustrophobic and explained that people coming close in a confined space caused her to panic uncontrollably, then of course you should have moved.

But superstition about passing people on the stairs when she appeared perfectly able to leave the stairwell herself? No.

zzzzz · 15/12/2014 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gruntfuttock · 15/12/2014 12:27

zzzzz "scared old lady"? Where does it say she was old?

MonstrousRatbag · 15/12/2014 12:30

It's just one of those minor things better dealt with if everyone is polite.

She made a daft request, when she ought just to have waited.

You gave an impatient reply, when you would have done better to refuse politely and pass her without any stomping or whatever.

She should have given no reaction and carried on waiting.

Why can't people act like well-mannered grown-ups any more? It's not clever or helpful to be stroppy, it just makes everyday life much more unpleasant.

26Point2Miles · 15/12/2014 12:30

'Old'?? Was she old? She was rude according to op. Rude and entitled. She was 2 steps down yet she expected others to go back down how many steps?? To accomodate this silliness

Makes me wonder how she got up there in the first place

zzzzz · 15/12/2014 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 15/12/2014 12:36

choccyp1g

'Mrs DeVere surely it is a mental health issue to allow your life to be ruled outaccording to beliefs which are totally unfounded?'

That's all the religions screwed then.

Original poster
MrsCosmopifairylight · 15/12/2014 12:40

She wasn't a scared old lady and she didn't ask for help.
She barked at a young boy that she was superstitous and pretty much demanded him to get off the stair case.

The lift, for anyone with concerns, is a small wheelchair-accessbile/buggy friendly one. It has glass sides, it is operated by constantly holding a button. A shop assistant will always travel/operate it for anyone anxious.

The staircase was at least 5 feet wide with rails either side.

She was 2 or 3 steps down and could easily have returned to the floor she was on.

I admit I maybe shouldn't have rolled my eyes but I had already had a stressful morning dealing with real problems experienced by real people close to me - entailing medics, social services, carers. This was not a case of a genuine problem, this was someone being obtuse.

OP posts:
26Point2Miles · 15/12/2014 12:41

Scared? No, she said herself she is superstitious! Love it when people try to re-write what happened.

MonstrousRatbag · 15/12/2014 12:41

Possibly she had as well, OP. None of us can know what others are dealing with.

ninaprettyballerina · 15/12/2014 12:43

Yanbu. I'm also very superstitious. Loads of them. But I would never ask a stranger to pander to me

Trazzletoes · 15/12/2014 12:44

I never came across this until I moved to Leeds. NO ONEcrosses on the stairs here. It happens all the time at work. Personally I think it's ridiculous but each to their own. And yes If it bothered her she should have just waited.

zzzzz · 15/12/2014 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItIsSmallerOnTheOutside · 15/12/2014 12:46

WhatsGoingOnEh

I thought passing on the stairs wasn't unlucky as long as you talked as you passed? So if you'd muttered "you absolute nutjob," as you walked past her, she'd have been safe.

This really made me lol

MarjorieMelon · 15/12/2014 12:48

I have anxiety and behave very irrationally at times. However I don't expect other people to be put out by my issues. I would have just ignored the woman and continued walking up the stairs. In a shopping centre you can't expect to walk up and down the stairs without passing someone.

Swipe left for the next trending thread