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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this woman was being ridiculous

158 replies

MrsCosmopifairylight · 14/12/2014 22:48

I was out shopping yesterday in a small local branch of a chain store. The store has a lift and a flight of stairs.

I was coming up the stairs with my 3 year old (who was a bit ahead of me), and there was a woman at the top of the staircase.

Woman at top of staircase was peering down, anxiously, holding onto the rail. I assumed she was nervous about falling, so asked DD to stop and move aside so the woman could come down the stairs.

Woman remained at the top of the stairs, and then a young boy passed me and DD, and started to go up. Woman appeared even more anxious.

I said we'd stop to let her pass, so she could come down.
Then she said to us, and to young boy (who was headed to where she was) "I'm very superstitious. Please can you go back downstairs so I don't have to pass you?"

I rolled my eyes and stomped past her, with DD. Woman shot me nasty glares.

There was a shop assistant upstairs, about to approach the woman, but as the stairs were now "safe" she'd headed off to leave the shop.

If she was that bothered why the fuck didn't she use the lift? Or why didn't she just wait for other people to come up the stairs?

I don't understand superstition and I find it incredibly frustrating when there is no rational explanation for this sort of behaviour.

Before I get totally flamed, I've a friend with a number of mental health issues including OCD. She advises me that she has issues with things, and I accept these. However, she would NOT ask other people to go out of their way to accommodate her needs. If she needed to not pass people on a staircase then she'd get in a lift.

OP posts:
Eastpoint · 14/12/2014 23:08

Thank heavens most people don't have this superstition, commuting must be a nightmare if you follow that.

angryangryyoungwoman · 14/12/2014 23:09

How do people like this cope with busy shopping centres? Or the tube? Or any where really?

CatWreathkeith · 14/12/2014 23:34

My gran always said if you passed on the stairs you would argue before nightfall.

Pretty unlikely with total strangers. Op yanbu.

wheresthelight · 14/12/2014 23:45

her request for you to go down and wait was a bit odd unless she hoped you would stop others coming up until she had come down?

however yabu and very judgemental in your comments about superstitions and people's mental health issues. as someone with an anxiety disorder I struggle with things most people would take in their stride. for example I cannot use spiral staircases, I cannot explain why, but they fill me with horror and a physical fear. it is not something I can control and you have no idea what the woman's issues were, passing on the stairs is a common superstition so she may have used it as an excuse to cover up for something more severe

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/12/2014 23:48

Maybe she is more anxious about the lift than the stairs?

And, as others have said, YABVU to assume that all mental illnesses, or even all anxiety conditions, are the same.

ebolahat · 14/12/2014 23:53

I wouldn't have gone back down for her, especially not with a 3yo in tow.

However I wouldn't have gone on the internet and branded her ridiculous either. She clearly had some kind of MH issues, be it anxiety or OCD for example. Can't be nice for her

jigglywiggly · 15/12/2014 00:25

I would have carried on too. I am not superstitious at all and can't see why I should indulge people who are. She should have used the lift or gone back up the stairs.

Bowchickawowow · 15/12/2014 00:30

It sounds more serious than a simple superstition, which does not normally paralyse people half way up the stairs.
Yes, it might not have been "reasonable" but the woman very likely had a mental health issue.

SoleSource · 15/12/2014 00:58

Do you feel guilt about stomping past her?

DixieNormas · 15/12/2014 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coumarin · 15/12/2014 03:59

Poor woman. Not a big deal to go back down and wait. Clearly a big deal for her to pass someone on the stairs. From your description, it sounds like she was quite distressed and probably suffering from some form of panic/anxiety disorder. The kind thing to do would've been to ease this for her.

HicDraconis · 15/12/2014 04:06

I wouldn't have stopped to let her pass though, just carried on walking upstairs and pulled small child in front of me so as not to cause an obstruction.

What will she do if she starts coming down the stairs and once she's a third of the way down, someone starts going up them?

Yarp · 15/12/2014 04:56

Think she was being illogical but you could have been kinder. She asked for your help.

MrsMaker83 · 15/12/2014 05:23

She wbu.

Whowouldfardelsbear · 15/12/2014 05:38

I think it's bad luck to be superstitious.

Seriouslyffs · 15/12/2014 05:43

I had no idea it was a superstition! I always assumed it a was a safety rule, like passing scissors.

Andrewofgg · 15/12/2014 05:49

Look at it this way. If she gets into a big lift and finds that she makes thirteen and that bothers her she must either suck it up or get out but not expect somebody else to get out. If there are twelve she must not ask someone else not to get in.

Same here. She must either take her chance of crossing on the stairs or wait as long as it takes for a clear run. She should not impose her superstitions on others.

Bulbasaur · 15/12/2014 05:52

I wouldn't have gone back down either. If she has issues she needs to get help to overcome them. Catering to anxiety and avoiding it only makes it worse and reaffirms to the brain that it was correct.

I've never heard of this stair passing superstition either.

In any case, other people's issues don't need to be your issues.

Morloth · 15/12/2014 05:59

Um no, I am not indulging superstitions.

I wouldn't have stomped but I also wouldn't have gone down.

NewEraNewMindset · 15/12/2014 06:05

I have never heard of this superstition so I think I'd have just carried on what I was doing and assumed she had mental health problems. Very sad for the woman to be living with such extreme anxiety, and I say that as someone who has suffered anxiety and panic attacks myself. Awful.

KatieKaye · 15/12/2014 06:09

I've never heard of this superstition.
Very unreasonable of her expect you and DC to go back down to accommodate her rather than just waiting. Actually, quite rude of her expecting someone else to majorly alter their plans to accommodate her.
I live in Edinburgh where we have loads of closes and outdoor steps so this just wouldn't work here anyway! And what about schools etc, how did she manage there?

ElkTheory · 15/12/2014 06:16

Rolling your eyes and stomping past her? Rude and unnecessary.

But I wouldn't have gone back down the stairs either. I would have just carried on, probably saying something reassuring to her (at least trying to be reassuring).

BooDidIScareYou · 15/12/2014 06:49

all you have to do is cross your fingers when you pass someone on the stairs and that cancels out the bad luck!!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 15/12/2014 06:56

I wouldn't have rolled my eyes but I also wouldn't have played along with her fears as surely that would be the worst thing to do, as acting as though the superstition has any basis in truth and reality could give credence to bollox?

VitalStollenFix · 15/12/2014 07:41

I don't understand what your friend has to do with it.

Your friend is one person. What she does or does not find challenging is relevant only to her. It means bugger all beyond that and certainly you cannot say ok that's allowed because my friend has that, no not that bit because my friend is ok with that...

This woman clearly had her own difficulties that were not similar to your friend's. The fact your friend would be ok is irrelevant. this woman was not ok.

Clearly to be frozen at the top of the stairs is quite extreme and you say yourself she was extremely anxious. Of course you didn't have to help her, you were under no obligation to at all, but equally it would have been a minor inconvenience to you to choose to help her.

Going out must be very challenging for her.