Calling an ambulance for excessive drinking and falling down the stairs?

[LaChatte]

AIBU in thinking if you find someone you know at the bottom of a flight of stairs, conscious but pretty much incoherent and extremely drunk, and that they tell you they fell down the stairs, you phone for an ambulance, bearing in mind you don't know if they lost consciousness or not, and that if they vomit it might be because of the alcohol.

It is surprising, but I think it's not the main point of the thread, and risks LaChatte getting stressed that people might be casting aspersions on her understanding of what's going on, so best not to dwell on that aspect, don't you think? It's a very distressing situation.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss OP.

I probably would yes, but then I know a lot of people that wouldn't... the whole "over-reacting" thing.

Many moons ago my brother came home rip-roaring drunk and hopped in the shower. Mum and I realised he'd been in the shower a while and went and knocked (locked door). He rather incoherently admits he'd fallen asleep after throwing up several times but was getting out. We left him alone and 5-10 mins later he still wasn't out so we knocked again and he was still pretty incoherent so we broke in and helped him to his room. He was really cold so we turned his little heater on, dried him off, mum got him into boxers and we tried to warm him up. We sat with him for a bit and noticed he was holding his breath for up to a minute and decided to take him to the ER in case he had alcohol poisoning or something (small town, quiet ER so not a huge deal). He sobered up after a couple of hours (and a mean nurse) and my BIL and DSis were angry with us later when we mentioned it to them. They said we over-reacted and embarrassed him. DSis said BIL had done something similar before but she just fell asleep, he was fine. We 100% maintain we did the right thing. Better to over-react then to under-react and live with the guilt.

Sorry for your loss.

I can totally see why she would act the way she did. He had problems with alcohol, so presumably she had seen him in pretty horrific states before, was she really supposed to know when to call an ambulance if this was a regular occurrence? I feel very very sorry for her, this will stay with her for a very long time.

Morning, yes I'm in France, I asked if there would be a PM and they said I could ask for one, but seeing as I'm not a direct relative it was unlikely they would grant it to me, so I asked the direct family who are in the uk (I'm doing all the interpreting between the two funeral parlours) and they decided against it, so I didn't ask for one. Seeing as he was still alive after the fall and only died several HS later, it wasn't classed as an accident. Go figure how they work things out in this country (I'm guessing it has something to do with saving money when and where possible).

During last half term DS went to hid DDad's for a few days (was supposed to be for a week). Three days in, the XP (who lives five minutes away from him) called me to say I should probably come and get DS as DDad was completely drunk and DS hadn't eaten all day (no food in the house). I went over and saw what a state he was in (on the sofa, making no sense at all, unable to sit up etc.), I called an ambulance out and they took him off to the hospital, I asked if they'd help him as I was worried that he was going to end up dead if he carried on, but the hospital said that unless his liver was falling or that we was in immediate danger, then they would just discharge him the following day, and that it would take a few more incidents like this for them to hospitalise him (you have to pester people in this country to get anything done). The XP knew this, and she did take him back to the hospital once more about a month later, but he waited until he was sober enough to walk and gave them the slip, after which she just gave up. He didn't want her to help him, I know it's all his fault, I really do.

DustInTheWind

Would you still all say that, if being in a drunken heap was the norm for him?
He could have hurt himself in all sorts of ways; falling, drug combinations, vomiting and internal bleeds
You'd call an ambulance every week? For months?
^Or would you sigh, say 'FFS not again' and put him in the recovery position.
As the OP said, hindsight is a wonderful thing, 20:20 usually^

Agree with this word for word. Poor woman must be going through hell now.

I'm sorry for your and your son's loss.

Looking at it from the XP's perspective though, if he had woken up the next day and carried on as normal, and she had asked here what she should do, what would everyone say? "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it." From what you've said about the background, it's not hard to imagine that she has had a difficult life for many years because of his alcoholism. This isn't on her.

Please don't take what I've said to detract in any way from the loss for your son. For a little boy to lose his Dad is just horrible, I'm so sorry.

No, I really do see that IABU. I would never say anything to her! I just suppose I need to get it out some where and MN seemed like a good a place as any.

very sorry for your families loss..

I think sometimes this is a good place...Sounds like he was on a road of mass destruction..If she has walked in on him drink and incoherent so many times she probably assumed that is what it was.

I am sure she is full of if only's now.

I think the fact she changed him, put log on fire made him comfy shows she very much did care.

You are right hindsight is a great thing

I pretty much feel the same as MrsMorton

I was used to coming home and finding my Dad passed out, sometimes having vomited, often having pissed himself. It gets boring. You forget that they might die because it's so routine. The last time he was admitted he asked for an ambulance because we couldn't get him off the floor. I was all for leaving him to suffer but my Mum called them and he died a few days later. Looking back, that last time was different, he was ill more than drunk, but I was so sick of the whole thing I didn't care. The horrible thing as the child of an alcoholic is not so much the loss, it's knowing that you weren't enough.

Sometimes we can feel angry with the people surrounding addicts for not doing the magic thing that would have set them on the straight and narrow but it's totally misguided. Natural but misguided. As an example you sent him to hospital and asked them to admit him - he was drunk, not injured. Alcohol addiction treatment is pointless unless the addict seeks it themselves.
The poster above whose brother fell asleep in the shower was dealing with a drunk person, not an alcoholic who gets in that state daily. It's a very different proposition.
I'm not saying she was right not to call an ambulance but I see why she didn't. It's very sad but (without meaning to sound like a heartless bitch) alcoholics who have reached that state have high mortality rates, they tend to die from something alcohol related and it's terribly sad but rarely preventable by others.

I wouldn't have called an ambulance (my DDad is an alcoholic and often falls). One of his neighbours used to call out the doc/pompiers quite often for him, but as booze was more important than paying his top up insurance, DDad actually ended up with large bills that he couldn't pay. Now the neighbour says they will only call if it is an obvious life or death situation and I totally agree with their stance.

I'm sorry for your DS loss.

The horrible thing as the child of an alcoholic is not so much the loss, it's knowing that you weren't enough.

I am so so angry with him about this, but I'm also angry with myself because I didn't do anything to help in the long run, I could have encouraged him to see DS more often, but I didn't because I was so cross with him over last half term.

He sent me a message on FB on the first of December, I was at work when I got it, so I read it but couldn't reply straight away, then I forgot about it, and never did answer. Not that it would have made any difference, but I'm really kicking myself about that, know he died possibly thinking I was giving him the silent treatment (something I've never done, despite everything we had quite a good relationship and got on well).

The thing is no one knows for certain if it was the fall that killed him with no PM, he could have fallen because he was pissed, it's the most likely explanation but he could also have had a bleed / heart arrhythmia (caused in all probablility by alcohol abuse)which caused him to fall in the first place and he would possibly have died whatever his XP had done.

for your DS, it must be awful for him.

Oh OP. :( That's dreadful. How absolutely horrible for you all.

"One of his neighbours used to call out the doc/pompiers quite often for him, but as booze was more important than paying his top up insurance, DDad actually ended up with large bills that he couldn't pay. Now the neighbour says they will only call if it is an obvious life or death situation and I totally agree with their stance."

I think that fact that this incident happened in France might make the situation more difficult. Do pissed people have to ambulance/ doctors costs in France? I suppose its a hard judgment call if you know that calling ambulance might cause financial hardship. I have no idea how ambulances are funded in France.

It is far easier to err on the side caution when you have the NHS that covers the cost of idiot piss heads regards of the number of calls.

I imagine she didn't call because she'd seen him in such states before. People fall down the stairs all the time and are totally fine and don't need medical attention. Alternatively you can stumble off the curb of a footpath, hit your head and die.

I'm so very sorry for your DS.

Really, I think that emergency care is covered, but overnight stays, tests, prescriptions, doctor appointments, etc all require a contribution. You can insure to cover this. I should have said that DDad lives in France.

but I'm also angry with myself because I didn't do anything to help in the long run, I could have encouraged him to see DS more often, but I didn't because I was so cross with him over last half term

You have no reason to be guilty and every right to be angry with how he failed to care for your child when he was in his care.

I am afraid nothing you could of done would of changed this situation... He wouldn't of changed till he decided to.

I think people with a family member who struggles with addiction will understand why she didn't call. a family member of mine recently took an unintentional overdose of valium and sleeping tablets and something else can't remember what. his parents had no idea what to do with him after finding him dumped on their doorstep and rang me to come assess the situation. of course I did phone an ambulance but if you told someone who had never dealt with it before that you weren't sure an overdose warranted an ambulance they would think you mad. the sad truth is once you are so used to watching someone hurt themselves over and over and they keep getting back up and start all over again it does desensitize you the the reality of what is happening.

my thoughts are with all of you at such a horrible time.

I can understand why she didn't. Because my uncle was an alcoholic. We lost count of the number of times an ambulance was called out for him. And, with time, they were called out less. Because it had all happened before so many times, and he'd always been fine. So my grandparents kept tucking him up in bed when he turned up paralytic drunk again. Until the time he never woke up. I don't think my grandma ever forgave my grandad for that. But it wasn't his fault. Or hers. People need help to get out of these self destructive spiral. But the help can only work if they want to change. And you can't make someone want to change. It has to come from within.

I am so so sorry for your and your DS's loss, OP.

My ex (serious alcohol problem) once fell and banged his head very hard when drunk. I called an ambulance as he went from just a bit tipsy to utterly incoherent and unable to stand or move immediately afterwards. He was treated in A&E as basically a timewaster who needed to sleep it off - they were awful with him. Only when he returned, sober, a week later still complaining of head pain did they bother to discover he had a fractured skull. We were young students then so didn't even think to complain. I suppose what I am sating is that even calling an ambulance may not have helped I don't know.

Focus yourself on supporting your DS rather than tormenting yourself over what could and couldn't have been done or helped. An alcoholic parent is a truly tragic thing that can affect one's psyche deeply, I know this personally. He (and you) need to know that there is nothing that could have been done. If action this time would have saved him, it would just have been another time, awful as that is to say.

Thinking of you all tonight, especially your DS. I'm so sorry. x

I can see why she didn't. Especially if I costs £££ he may not have had ? How does it work in France ?

I would say yes I would in normal circumstances but in her situation..I honestly don't know. If he had been vaguely coherent and had managed to walk/stumble to the sofa I may well not have.