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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shocked at this treatment of a DS and DD (news story)

83 replies

daisychain01 · 13/12/2014 13:30

I don't believe in making judgements over people's parenting decisions but I am wide mouthed at what would possess someone to

A) pretend to be Santa for anything other than nice reasons
b) use Santa as a punishment weapon against a naughty child
C) make them so upset that they cry and then ...
D) film them and post onto social media. So everyone one in the world can see images of their distressed child.

Actually made me nearly burst into tears (OK so I do cry at everything from John Lewis ads to poetry).

here is the story, and OK it is reported in the Daily Mail, but even if there is a only shred of truth in it, then isn't that the cruelest thing to do to a child at this time of year. And I reckon it could be storing up massive trust issues for the future, when they know they were lied to.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2870356/Little-boy-girl-left-devastated-reading-letter-Santa-telling-naughty-list.html

OP posts:

VitalStollenFix · 13/12/2014 14:10

How did her friends see it in order to share it? If that's what happened.

She filmed it and shared it.
That was her choice.
I do not understand that choice.

It's like those parents who give their trusting toddler a lemon and then film and share in on youtube. wtf.

You have to wonder why people choose to do the things they do.

If you want to tell your kids that santa is keeping an eye on them, fair enough, it's not the worst thing in the world to say, but you don't need to film it and share it with anyone. What for? Oh look, I told my kids this and they cried. Here's the video.

Mintyy · 13/12/2014 14:10

Piper, are you going to film that, upload it to social media and sell the story to The Mail?

yetanotherchangename · 13/12/2014 14:11

I really don't get why people object to Santa being dependent on behaviour.

Mintyy · 13/12/2014 14:15

I strongly object to that too.

Barring sn, your child's behaviour is down to you and your parenting!

Bakeoffcakes · 13/12/2014 14:17

She probably didn't sell her story to the DM. I wish people would stop talking such rubbish.

mytartanscarf · 13/12/2014 14:17

Using FC as a threat doesn't evoke strong feelings in me either way.

Humiliating a child in the national press does.

sanfairyanne · 13/12/2014 14:20

if you share it via facebook with friends only its still not going to end up front page national media, surely?
im thinking youtube or totally open facebook

Pyjamaramadrama · 13/12/2014 14:21

Well it is a thing, there's even a song about it. Doesn't mean you should take it to these lengths though.

aermingers · 13/12/2014 14:24

I thought it was horrible. Partly because she put it in the stocking and the children were really happy and excited when they saw it and they basically opened it up and after the anticipation it was basically Santa saying 'You are bad children'.

It was a nasty thing to do, to film it was even worse. If you can't discipline your children without resorting to something like that then you're a pretty poor parent.

The language as well, about the boy having a 'bad attitude'. It is basically a personal attack, not telling him what he is doing wrong clearly and telling him how he can change just telling him he is 'bad'.

If these children don't behave themselves very well I suspect that the underlying reasons might have something to do with poor parenting and not feeling particularly loved or valued.

DaisyFlowerChain · 13/12/2014 14:27

How awful for those children, this will remain with them for a long time.

You don't need to threaten with Santa at all, just just good parenting skills. Teachers manage to keep a class of thirty under control with resorting to saying Santa won't come.

aermingers · 13/12/2014 14:27

I don't really object to Santa being based on behaviour. What I do object to is manipulating your children so they are expecting a nice Christmassy surprise and are happy and excited then they find something which is absolutely crushing. Plus filming it and putting it on social media. Horrible. Just horrible. It's publicly humiliating these children. I firmly believe that this mother may be the root of any problems her children have and that if she wants them to stop acting out it's her own behaviour she should modify. Santa should write her a letter.

Original poster

daisychain01 · 13/12/2014 14:29

Add message | Report | Message poster yetanotherchangename Sat 13-Dec-14 14:11:32
I really don't get why people object to Santa being dependent on behaviour

Because kids are able to piece things together and are smarter than they are often given credit for, but at the same time they put huge amounts of trust in their Dparents and will question things like "if you don't behave you won't get x y and z" when in fact they do end up getting x, y and z when it relates to Christmas. Mixed messages, not good... And as many on here have said, what about the rest of the year?.

And like it or not, Christmas has massive symbolism to children, even when they get to thinking its a bit suspect that FC is in every shop they go to - using it as a stick to beat them with is really heartless. IMO.

OP posts:

chunkythighs · 13/12/2014 14:30

Meh!
I told my son that I received an email from santas admin team. They are very concerned about his behaviour and are considering removing him from the good list. He was upset-however if he gets his act together I can submit a report on Monday and Santa will make his decision then.

Apparently according to MM I an a shit parent-shoot me..... .

sanfairyanne · 13/12/2014 14:31

hope you filmed it, chunkythighs, so all their classmates get to see them sobbing

Pyjamaramadrama · 13/12/2014 14:33

I don't think that it's entirely true that children's behaviour is entirely down to parenting. All children are different and have their own temperaments and personalities.

You could be the most patient, consistent parent in the world, with lovely children, but there will still be times when children will squabble, or play up in a shop, or whinge. I don't see a massive problem in in the run up to Christmas reminding children that Santa is coming. It's hardly a fantastic parenting technique, but it might work momentarily.

In our house Santa only bring token stocking gifts, so it's hardly a huge threat. It's more the excitement of him coming than a bribe for expensive presents.

As I say I still think the scenario of bringing the children to tears with fake letters and filming it is horrible.

But hats off to those of you who've never, ever used Santa, the tooth fairy, food, pretending to walk off to a child who won't come, and all the other things that we're not supposed to do in a moment of frustration.

Original poster

daisychain01 · 13/12/2014 14:35

I agree DFC, I think it is an event that will remain with those kids an awfully long time. Whether that equates to "scaring them for life" I don't know, but I remember a lot less significant things than that from when I was 7-8 yo.

I think some people haven't got to grips with boundaries on social media and what they shouldnt share.

OP posts:

Mintyy · 13/12/2014 14:38

Good lord! We're all less than perfect parents in moments of frustration.

But have you thought about the amount of planning and calculation that went into what that parent did?

You know the toxic parents on the Stately Homes threads? What sort of things do you think their kids remember from their childhoods? It isn't all about beatings and neglect.

Pyjamaramadrama · 13/12/2014 14:39

Daisyflowerchain, speaking of teachers I'll never forget what our year 4 teacher used to threaten us with.

On Tuesdays we'd watch a video, Through the dragons eye, and we'd all look forward to it, he'd tell us that the video player wouldn't work if there was lots of noise so we must be quiet or it might not work.

We really believed him too.

Another teacher told us she'd dipped our pencils in poison as she was sick of us chewing the ends of them. Noone dared chew their pencil again.

Itsfab · 13/12/2014 14:41

I am considering allowing Santa to write to my children. I think it is a great idea. Sometimes you need a new approach. I think out of order to post on line but everything else is fine imo.

chunkythighs · 13/12/2014 14:41

Of course I didn't record it. I have brain in my head However this whole 'poor scarred children' cry here is a bit much! You have no idea what that mother has been through- kids need to understand that bold behaviour will not result in presents.

Mintyy · 13/12/2014 14:43

No! The parents need to get a handle on behaviour with Santa having absolutely nothing to do with it.

Pyjamaramadrama · 13/12/2014 14:43

Minty I'm not too sure if that was to me, but I absolutely agree. I'm not meaning to sound as if I think that it was anything less than horrible. The whole thing. Dp showed it to me last night and we both agreed that it was really mean.

The first thing I wondered was what other strange things she does and whether that's part and parcel of them acting up.

Sorry I was not meaning that I think it's ok, just replying to a few people who said they never use Santa as a threat.

Purpleroxy · 13/12/2014 14:44

It was strange to put it into the public domain but fundamentally her 2 eldest kids were behaving really badly and had not responded to anything she had tried so she tried this. Good luck to her.

Some kids behave better than others regardless of parenting (for all you sanctimonious people who think it's just poor parenting). I have a friend (who IMO is a good parent). Her eldest boy is an angel - top of class, well behaved, helped - model child. The youngest is also well behaved and a lovely child. The middle one's behaviour is absolutely shocking - disobedient, disrespectful, careless, disruptive etc etc. It isn't due to parenting!

Original poster

daisychain01 · 13/12/2014 14:46

And just to say, I am not saying a blanket "you are a shit parent" definitely not.

But I am shocked at how much anger I felt reading about it today, because I felt it was a parent abusing their power

When it gets to the point of children weeping in distress isn't it time to call it off? Or was that what they wanted to happen and they weren't going to stop until they got the reaction they were looking for...

OP posts:

NoArmaniNoPunani · 13/12/2014 14:50

How did that story make the news? What a pile of crap

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