do you go to bed at the same time as your DP? is it important?

[whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey]

DH and I generally go up to bed at the same time, but he has a 20-30 minute read on the toilet before getting into bed with me, by which time I'm almost asleep.
This irks me a bit because i like snuggling and chatting before going to sleep, its a quiet moment of intimacy.
Every now and then I let him know that I'd like us to go to bed together sometimes.
Last night he came up and didn't do his usual reading. He came to bed to listen to Question Time on the radio instead.
I was hurt and told him so.
I can't articulate why this bothers me, and we spend time together at other times of the day.
AIBU?

Me neither Avon.

It's really hard if you're mismatched.

I always thought "go to bed together, wake up together, forever"

Thank you U2. I must admit that even after having read back my original post, I was at a loss to see what prompted posters to accuse me of being "very controlling", " very needy", "get a grip", " sort yourself out" etc. We're all different and all I said was that I was a "bit irked". But no matter.

I'm more worried now about his pooing!

I don't think it's needy. I like to chat, snuggle up with DH before dropping off, and, fortunately, we're pretty well matched with bedtimes. For me, though, from your OP, the pooing would be the issue for me. Most definitely.

Me neither avon. Also having a man indulging himself on the lav for half an hour before bed time doesn't turn my mind towards the thought of sexual activity.

Funnily enough.

I certainly don't think it's needy. I always go to bed earlier than DH, but if I ask for a cuddle he's always happy to oblige (even if it's just a cuddle). I like the special closeness of snuggling up in bed in the soft light and having a chat.

No we don't.
We are separate people with separate sleeping habits. It eeems a bit weird to insist your OH comes to bed when they are not ready

OP my DH is a night owl. I'm not in the slightest. But as a compromise he comes in to the bedroom for a chat/cuddle for 10 mind before he annoys me by being there so I tell him he "may go" jokingly. (I toss n turn quite a bit before I settle so he just gets in the way )

It sometimes annoys me that goes to bed so late particularly at weekends when he's gets up really late and most of the day has gone. But "compromise compromise compromise" besides when baba arrives he will need to change his routine or never sleep

I don't think it is needy, DH and I go to bed together every night. With a house full of children that is often the only time we have for sex. I often get back up afterwards as I am a night owl.

We go to bed at the same time. Always have. It's nice.

I understand you - it upsets you! There is something quite..peaceful and calming about doing that. I used to love doing it pre-kids, now I just need my sleep! DH snores though...I'm talking like the walls vibrate and everything I swear!!

I don't go to bed at the same time as DH. DS is 4.5 and DD is 2.5 and I'm usually like a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown by DD's bedtime lol :p Tbh, I go around 9/10 ish if I want to function like a normal human being as DD sometimes wakes around 5:30am ish.

DH prefers to go to bed around 11/12 - sometimes later.

We work around it. No biggie :)

(Also, my DH reads in the loo too - thought it was a bloke thing?!!)

We don't have children yet and spent 18 months living at in-laws so got used to going to bed at same time.

to be honest if I wanted to go to bed earlier than him I'd have to sleep separately as I'm a sleep weirdo. I can't sleep if I know someone is going to potentially disrupt me.

Currently we go to bed at same time as get up at same time and are both knackered. I love the few minutes before bed but don't think it essential. I couldn't sleep in same bed if I was always sleeping earlier though.

It's a yes and yes from me.

I see though that those of us who go to bed at the same time are in the minority.

I love bedtime. It is when I feel that dh and I are conspiring against all that life throws in our way.

I need much more sleep than DH so go to bed earlier. But we have a kind of routine where he comes and hugs me and we lie and chat for about 20 mins, then he gets up and I go to sleep. It is nice, intimate time and I would feel weird going to sleep without it!

No, not most of the time, we usually have a chat downstairs before I go up, but I invariably go earlier than him, partly because that's our natural pattern and partly so I can get to sleep before the snoring starts. It works just fine for us, but I can see why other people do it differently.

I get what you mean op. We go to bed at about the same time. Feels a bit lonely not to get that time together for a chat. I am surprised at such a massive resounding 'no' you are getting. Thought it would be 50:50. We are clearly in the minority.

God no. I go first read for a bit then dh comes up when I'm dozing off or asleep. My mum and dad have to go to bed at the same time (well dad does anyway) he will insist on staying up with mum even though he's alseep on the sofa or mentioning going to bed every 10mins until mum gives in and goes to bed. It's weird

It's not needy, just a lovely tthing to do, that I would miss terribly if we didn't. We have always gone to bed at the same time. I've wanted it more than him (as like a pp I can't fall asleep knowing that he'll be coming in at some point, I've tried but just can't). But he has often said that as a bachelor he went to bed far too late and now that he 'has' to go to bed earlier (still not as early as I'd like, but, yes, compromise) he is far better rested and has more energy.

No as I need much more sleep than dh. But we always have a chat and snuggle when I go up to bed, and its our connection time

I have this in reverse. DH always wants me to go to bed at the same time, but I hate it when I do. Am a natural night owl and struggle to sleep unless I'm tired enough, which is usually far later than him. He, however, drops off really quickly and makes some horrible noises when he does, which leads to me laying there grinding my teeth with irritation and feeling resentful.

I also spend slices of time in nice, enclosed, locked spaces (like the toilet) because I need safe, undisturbed, alone time or I get so worn down I can barely function. Disclaimer - am completely touched out by two small children during the day, so even a nasty, smelly toilet would look like an oasis in the desert!

In short, I guess he's doing what makes him happy/fulfils his own needs. Its not unreasonable for you to want something from him to help you meet your own needs, but I wouldn't demand it, or expect it every single night to the exclusion of what he wants to do with his evening (not saying you do).

If we're both in the house, we go to bed at the same time always. DP works night shifts sometimes and I really miss cuddling and talking before sleeping. Even if one of us is more tired than the other (we're both night owls but different work patterns/children mess our perfect synch sometimes), the other will lie in bed reading or on their phone/laptop. We'd both really miss that time - some days it's the only intimate time we get to spend together.

Maybe suggest he comes to cuddle before he goes for his mammoth shit?

I go to bed the same time as my DH. Every night. And I would think there was something wrong if we didn't. And if I , or he, wants to go to bed earlier we both do and then read, watch telly until we sleep.

This is really important to me. Its just what we do. And we both are happy with this arrangement.

It doesn't make either of us needy.

Me and DH always went to bed at the same time. We'd snuggle up under the quilt and just cuddle and talk.

That was before the baby came along. We don't even share a bedroom anymore, let alone share a bedtime

Doesn't his arse go numb sat on the loo for that long?

I might understand it if he needed to be in bed early to get up the next day and you didn't fancy going to sleep at 8pm or whatever. But he's choosing to sit on the TOILET instead of next to you in bed. Even if you both sit in bed together and read your separate books/do your separate things I'm guessing that's preferable to him being in the blasted bathroom...

One of my favourite times of the day is when DH isn't working nights and we get to sit in bed chatting with a cup of camomile tea, then have a snuggle and go to sleep. It's basic intimacy really. Of course you're needy! All normal human beings are, we all need a certain level of intimacy and closeness with our loved ones and it sounds like your DH is denying you this. Yanbu at all.

DP and I always go to bed at the same time, we usually have a cuddle and chat then I fall asleep, DP reads/plays on his phone/watches tv for awhile.

if we are both at home and not working we usually get up at the same time after a cuddle.