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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she is sucking the goodness out of it?

109 replies

Rhymerocket · 12/12/2014 07:36

Tomo night I'm going to an event with a friend. We have planned it since February and the tickets were £100 each so I haven't made any other arrangemts for nights out for Christmas. Tomorrow is it for me we said when we booked it we would go have a couple cocktails and then on to event. I went bought a lovely party dress etc. then about two weeks ago friend starts dropping hints that it's her husbands Christmas dinner on same day. I didn't take the bait just acknowledge dr he comment. Then few dayslatershe says it starts at 2 so he's gonna go early and be home for 6. She has been dropping snips like this for a couple weeks until yesterday she said oh I'm having difficulty getting a babysitter (hers on is a bit of a handful so she always has difficulty getting a sitter. Usually I do it) now she reckons she is gonna drive and pick me up at 8-7:30. Fine drive if u like. But the event starts at 8 and I live at least half an hour away and there is terrible parking there! She's just ruining it before we begin! AIBU to feel she's sucking the fun out of it????

OP posts:
skillsandtea · 12/12/2014 08:54

Why do people think it's ok to do this? OP, stand your ground. She's not sticking to the agreement. You've spent a lot of money and we're looking forward to it; she's spoiling it all. Go with your sister and if friend gets the hump then she brought it on herself. She'll get over it. Have fun!

MillionToOneChances · 12/12/2014 08:58

She's changed every element of your plan, and if her husband owns the company then the clash is entirely within their control. It sounds to me like she's been trying to soften you up to let her out of the plan, and like she hasn't been looking forward to it at all.

Get the ticket 'back' (I know you actually have it) as nicely as you can and go do the original plan with your sister.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 12/12/2014 08:59

In honesty the time to be firm about this was two weeks ago when she started dropping hints.

Nomama · 12/12/2014 09:07

Just be fucking rude, for once in your life!

Phone her, tell her that as she can't make it without spoiling your plans you are going with your sister. Cheque's in the post (if you owe her).

Now, back bone straight, smile and enjoy your dressed up, started with cocktails, fun, once in a year night out!

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 12/12/2014 09:15

I would text.

'Hi xx I really don't want to leave at 7.30 we will be cutting it too fine trying to park. Plus we've spent so much money on the tickets I want to make a full night of it, get dressed up and have cocktails like we planned. If this isn't going to work for you I have spoken to my sister and she will buy the ticket off you. Let me know"

ssd · 12/12/2014 09:16

am interested to see how this all works out, I hope it turns out ok for you op

SantasBassoon · 12/12/2014 09:34

She's being really unfair, making you late and changing plans to suit herself. Give her the chance to revert to the original plans, on the proviso that if she won't then you're going to have to go with your sister.

SantasBassoon · 12/12/2014 09:35

Also, tell her you'll drop her £100 around today, so she can't complain about being left out of pocket. She'll get the money back before the event.

MyGastIsTinselled · 12/12/2014 09:45

Shameless place marking. I have nothing to add that hasn't been said already.

PurpleSwift · 12/12/2014 09:50

Yanbu take your sister

BringMeTea · 12/12/2014 09:53

100% go with your sis.

divingoffthebalcony · 12/12/2014 09:55

What Nomama said.

Don't let her ruin your plans. You've had this planned for TEN MONTHS. She can GTF.

WowserBowser · 12/12/2014 09:58

What a fucking pain in the arse! I hate killjoys.

Take your sister, wear your dress and go for cocktails!

IPokeBadgers · 12/12/2014 10:00

Hope it works out ok for you OP, it is rubbish when someone ruins a special event you have been looking forward to, simply cos they cant be arsed!

Jill2015 · 12/12/2014 10:00

Naw, go with sis. I would bet that he will be late home and you will get more 'lol' texts...

Dress up in your nice dress, and have fun!

IPokeBadgers · 12/12/2014 10:00

And enjoy wearing your pretty dress! Wine

APlaceInTheWinter · 12/12/2014 10:02

Someone is sucking the goodness out of it. I'm just wondering if her DH deliberately scheduled his Christmas night out so it clashed. All my friends with their own business would be well aware of when their Christmas night out was taking place, and would ensure it was a date when they could be available without choosing a night that their DP had booked from Feb!

I guess it really depends how much you want to go to this event with your friend. If you'd rather go with her, could your DSIS babysit? If you'd rather go with your DSIS then you need to tell your friend asap. She may not be as excited about it as you but she has still been aware of it since Feb so one day's notice that she now isn't welcome is a bit short.

You aren't in the wrong here and I'm sorry this has stolen some of the sunshine. However if she has a DH who deliberately scheduled his party for the one night she was supposed to be going out then I do have some sympathy for her too.

QueenofallIsee · 12/12/2014 10:05

In your shoes I would seeth and say nothing but it is so the wrong thing to do! I would also text her saying 'Look, you know I love you but I have been looking forward to this all year - we have gone from cocktails and black tie to tramping through town in jeans, I have no issue with you dropping out, I can sell your ticket on but I want the night we planned on...I don't have any other treats planned as this was so pricey'

OOAOML · 12/12/2014 10:07

She could just have a DH who is rubbish at remembering dates, no necessarily deliberately spoiling it. My husband regularly goes out on Thursdays. I have been reminding him for several months that next Thursday is my Christmas night out, and he agreed he wouldn't go out. Earlier in the week I got an email with dates he had committed to going out - including next Thursday. I just politely pointed out that I am already going out that night, and he is fine with that.

Thinking about it, she may not have pushed her DH when she realised the date chosen for the company do was clashing with your thing. It sounds like she is not as into what you are doing - which is fine, and her choice, but the decent thing would have been to bow out a few weeks ago leaving you time to arrange to go with someone else and not spoiling your day worrying about whether she is going to show on time etc.

bobbyjoe · 12/12/2014 10:08

I would phone asap and say listen do you really want to go? I understand it's stressful with your DH and babysitter etc. My sister happy to buy ticket - shall we call it £50 as she's skint? Buy the ticket off her but don't pay the full £100 as she's messed you round and sucked all the joy out of it. If she says no she wants the £100 just say your sister can't afford it so what's it to be? If she says she'll go tell her then stop pissing around as you're dragging me down, even if it means an argument - sounds like it might clear the air and she might wake up to how she's been.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 12/12/2014 10:09

Do this:

itiswhatitiswhatitis Fri 12-Dec-14 09:15:34

I would text.

'Hi xx I really don't want to leave at 7.30 we will be cutting it too fine trying to park. Plus we've spent so much money on the tickets I want to make a full night of it, get dressed up and have cocktails like we planned. If this isn't going to work for you I have spoken to my sister and she will buy the ticket off you. Let me know"

I'd say she wants to go and be the wife on the arm of her successful husband at his party and doesn't know how to break it to you - not being able to find a babysitter would have set the alarm bells ringing for me. I'd say they have a babysitter but she just doesn't want to go to your thing, which is an awful shame as your event was booked ages before this other business event.

Come back and let us know how you got on after speaking with her/texting her after the school run.

TobyLerone · 12/12/2014 10:13

She sounds like me. I always regret saying I'll go out and would love someone to throw me a lifeline by finding someone else to go instead.

fairisledog · 12/12/2014 10:15

I'd text something along the lines of

"my sister is really interested in xxx event. Shall I see if she can raise enough £ to buy the second ticket as it sounds like it's going to be too stressful for you to really commit to coming to xxx event tonight and enjoy it fully with dressing up and cocktails beforehand as I intend to do because this is my only Christmas outing night"

APlaceInTheWinter · 12/12/2014 10:17

WhatchaMaCallit it doesn't say that the friend is going to the Christmas party. It says the husband is going and will try to leave early.

OOAML yy the DH could just be bad with dates but then he'd be taking responsibility for fixing the problem, as your DH did. It seems like OP's friend's DH has created a clash but is the only one who isn't going to be inconvenienced by it. That seems unfair to me and could be deliberate.

Laquitar · 12/12/2014 10:18

How did you plan to go there before she decided to pick you up?
You stick with that plan and you tell her 'see you there'.

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