or should Christmas Day be renamed Control Day

[ohweeeell]

Is it just me or does Christmas Day seem to be all about control?

MIL has thrown huge hissy fit because we are not spending the entire day with her, we also have FIL to see and my parents, yet we have been branded "selfish" for not spending the full day with her? Wouldn't that be a bit selfish, to just spend it with 1 of our 4 parents? She has been advised that we will come to see her and the others, its not exactly our idea of a perfect day, squeezing everyone in but don't feel its fair to leave anyone out, they would all like to see DD in particular. My DH is also only off on Christmas Day due to the nature of his work so we don't really have the option to even spread it out over the eve/day/boxing day.

Then, on a work lunch with colleagues, one of my colleagues tells me that she and her parents are going to impose on her brother, his wife & DC on Christmas Day, they haven't been invited, they have told her brother they are coming round. The reason being that if her brother comes to her parents with his wife and the children, one of them will drive and "leave too early", if they go to his "we can stay as long as we like, they have no choice in us being there all night". I get that they want to see their DGC/DNs but is it necessary to set up camp at their house all day and night, why is it not acceptable that they come visit and leave when is convenient if that's what they want to do?

AIBU? does anyone else find this kind of behaviour really controlling or is this just "normal" Christmas madness?

Charitybelle good luck!!

It makes me sad that so many spend Christmas pleasing other people rather than doing what they want and staying home with their children. We won't be getting dressed til gone midday and I cannot wait!

Gosh, I am so lucky. We do the first part of christmas day at home with the Dcs, then head round to mums for more presents and dinner. And that's it. Every year. Various siblings come and go on different years but mums is always the place for lunch.This year it will only be us plus a random friend of my niece who cant get home for Christmas so she's coming to us.

I often wonder how many of these controlled Christmasses have been handed down over the generations. I wonder what all those parents and ILs who make such demands did for Christmas when they were younger?

I say this because I realise how lucky we are not to have this sort of nonsense in our family. Neither my dm, nor my DH's parents expected anyone to pack their car with small dcs and drive umpteen miles to have the sort of Christmas that is endured rather than enjoyed. Instead, as soon as we were all adults, Christmas was an open invitation that it wasn't a crime to decline.

All this made it so much easier for us to treat Christmas as a convivial day to enjoy spending as it suits everyone best and particularly now we have grown up dcs and 2 dgds. Sometimes there are loads of us around the table, sometimes fewer. People can pop in and out throughout the day. Or not. And everyone gets to enjoy a guilt-free Christmas.

My MIL is dead now but she was never a problem. However my mother is another story. She has caused all sorts of hassle because Christmas is not at hers this year and things are not being done the way she wants.

Me and DH are having bets on what time she becomes ill and ruins it for everyone. Apparently the fact we were late eating lunch made her ill. Another time she spent hours saying that they had to leave as my aunt who was giving them a lift wanted to go. My aunt was mortified when I told her as she would have stayed longer but my mum told her that she wanted to go home.

I am getting a bit stressed to be honest as this is the first year we have been to my sisters (she has a new house as well). Even my DH said (and you know how men aren't always sensitive) how upset my sister will be if my mum ruins it.