To think DS1 should know better than to leave food rotting in his room?

[Ujjayi]

DS1 is 14 and otherwise mature & lovely to spend time with.

His room, like many teens, is a total pit and whilst it irks me I can tolerate the mess of a few clothes and books laying around. HOWEVER, I have just discovered two lunch boxes and the rotting contents within. Apparently they are from last week. The room stinks. There is a dark stain on the carpet caused by the dregs of a smoothie carton left in one of the lunch boxes. This is not a one off. This happens every week.

He also has an ensuite shower room. This used to be our guest room but thought it made more sense to give a teenager a room with his own bathroom - privacy from his younger sibling etc. Fighting my way through the intense rotting lunchbox stench, I found a whole heap of rotting, damp flannels and towels stashed in there.

I despair. I have tried stressing the importance of hygiene. I ask every day for lunch boxes to emptied when he comes in from school: no need for them to be upstairs. I have been calm & measured. I have ranted and raged. I do not know how to deal with this anymore.

AIBU to expect him not to do this?

AIBU to think I shouldn't have to inspect his room on a daily basis to ensure all food is disposed of appropriately?

Can anyone please advise me how on earth to put a stop to it?

Take away any electronics, make him earn them back, by properly disposing of his rubbish and taking care of his towels etc.

At 14 yes he should be more aware, BUT, most 14yo's arent and will still leave a trail of destruction in their path.

Who makes his lunch boxes for him? If it is you, then stop doing it.

Take the dirty towels away and dont give him any clean ones.

Have just removed phone and will tell him no X-box either.

He makes his own lunches but has clearly taken to just helping himself to other bits of tupperware when his actual lunch boxes are otherwise engaged in the composting of food stuffs.

I am thinking the prospect of being without towels is not one that would bother him too much...his being a fan of the "Lynx shower"

ban eating and drinking upstairs?

Tell him if he cannot take reasonable care of the room, you will either turf him out of it and give it to his sibling who may appreciate it more and take better care of it or return it to a guest room and he can go back to whatever room he was in before?

I will confess though, when I moved out of my parents' home, they cleared my room (probably before I was halfway down the path with the last of my stuff!) and found two mouldy sausages under the dresser and a small life form living under the bed that had evolved from a piece of toast.

YANBU but you are describing a very typical teenage bedroom, I can still recall (and it's been several years) the horror of finding crusty love socks behind the bed which accounted for the single socks in the washing!!

Vital he isn't allowed to eat and drink upstairs - the food is just from his lunchbox. I do ask them to empty their lunch boxes when they come in from school but I don't feel I should have to stand over them to ensure they do so.

Am laughing at the small life form under the bed!

And lightahead - crusty love socks are an image I can do without!

I will try the threat of the room being taken away from him and returning to his old room. We have just had a calm chat and I asked him if he was embarrassed as his friend was over yesterday and spent time in his room. I got a shrug & a "not really" in reply!

Perhaps have a rule that lunchboxes have to be left in X place and not taken upstairs?

Remove all lunchboxes bar one? So he can't leave them lying around because they are needed for the next day? And make him prepare his own so he is the one who has to clean it?

I have 2 teenage boys so I am simply pretending lightahead didn't say anything. It's full on fingers in ears loud lalala time.

Good idea about removing all tupperware bar the 2 boxes that are actually needed. I will rehome them this evening.

Thanks for the advice

I have 2 teenage boys so I am simply pretending lightahead didn't say anything. It's full on fingers in ears loud lalala time.

I have grandsons. I am not going to repeat lightahead's remarks to their mothers...