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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to watch the Nativity play without toddlers screaming.

201 replies

windchime · 10/12/2014 16:33

Another Christmas, another Nativity play, and another hour of sitting in the school hall listening to the screams and shouts of strangers' toddlers. Before the play started, the Head asked nicely if upset babies and toddlers could be taken outside because the children and staff had worked so hard on the play. But, of course, the play was totally ruined for everyone because of a few inconsiderate, ignorant and selfish parents NOT taking their child outside when they started (and continued) playing up. The school was filming it to sell as a dvd. Good luck with that.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 10/12/2014 16:34

Yanbu, extremely selfish of those people who just sit there and not consider others. Just spoils it for everyone.

Marmiteandjamislush · 10/12/2014 16:38

YABU, how are parents with more than one child meant to see their child in the play?? Not everybody can get childcare. Why is your desire more important than theirs??!

Poolbirthx2 · 10/12/2014 16:41

YABVU and selfish - what about parents with more than one child - surely it's to be expected ?

crumblebumblebee · 10/12/2014 16:42

Well, I believe that YANBU but I think you will get a lot of YABUs. I worked in a school where they banned siblings because a few of the littlies made such a racket that they spoilt it for the majority. Like any other type of performance, people should take out their noisy children. It's unfair on the children who are in the play.

saadia · 10/12/2014 16:42

YANBU it is very unfair. I always took ds2 out of ds1's production when he was being noisy. It just ruins it for everyone else when little ones start being disruptive.

Nelehwelly · 10/12/2014 16:42

Just curious - how many children do you have, OP?

HappyAgainOneDay · 10/12/2014 16:43

Marmite It's not the Op's desire being more important than that of others. It's probably 100 other people in the audience who can do without the small children's unwanted noise.

TooHasty · 10/12/2014 16:43

YANBU My DC used to go to a school that wouldn't have pre-schoolers at the performances which was much better.They could go to the dress rehearsal.
However I find that some adults , especially older ones (GPs) , talk all teh way through.

GeekyElspeth · 10/12/2014 16:43

DS school has a good way of dealing with this. They have two versions a "dress rehearsal" where young children are welcome and an adult only version. I can't get childcare for my toddler so this is perfect for us

SquinkiesRule · 10/12/2014 16:43

Good luck with that. I've never been to anything at the school that doesn't involve one toddler meltdown somewhere in the hall.
Much as parents of onlys would like others to leave toddlers at home, it's not going to happen. Such is life.

Fayrazzled · 10/12/2014 16:44

Marmite, it is selfish of people who let their toddler or baby cry/shout/talk through the nativity (or other occasion). If you can't get childcare for a younger child then you have to accept that if their behaviour is disruptive to the performers and audience that you will have to miss the play by taking them out. Your rights as a parent do not trump the right of others to enjoy the play. That's life as a parent. Sometimes you have to lose out.

formerbabe · 10/12/2014 16:45

It is difficult because if your toddler starts whinging, you don't want to disturb others but you also don't want to miss seeing your child on stage...my ds always looks out for me in the audience and would be really upset if I left. I always kept a packet of chocolate buttons in my bag for bribery purposes!

Xmas2014MN1360 · 10/12/2014 16:45

Our school films the dress rehearsal so no crying babies/parents heads in the way. Then they have two performances - one adults only and one younger children allowed. It works brilliantly

TooHasty · 10/12/2014 16:45

..and I get annopyed by the 'oh, I'll take them out if they make a noise' Yeah, but by then it's too late!
Last year afterwards , I approached a noisy pre-schooler and congratulated her on playing the main role.Hopefully her mum took the hint!

CrohnicallyAnxious · 10/12/2014 16:46

Not sure about other schools- but at ours there are glass doors at the side, if you take a toddler out there the acoustics mean you can hear what's on stage but other parents can't hear your dc. And there is usually a few TAs out there who are only too happy to entertain little ones for a few minutes, or fetch a couple of toys or something.

If I take my toddler I sit on the end and bring a couple of toys/books, if she's disrupting then I take her out for a play or a walk. When she was younger I found just pacing with her at the back or side would do the trick.

So YANBU- I would and have removed a grumpy little one!

NurseRoscoe · 10/12/2014 16:47

Yanbu in suggesting they should be taken outside if they make loads of noise and won't be quietened with a drink or dummy or something.

However it would be unreasonable for toddlers to be banned. My eldest would be heartbroken if he had no one go and watch him as we have no family up here to look after little one, that would be unfair

gemdrop84 · 10/12/2014 16:47

I took ds who is 22 months and was absolutely dreading it but he was no bother. He did wave and shout at dd when he saw her at first but was quiet the rest of the time and happily dancing in my knee/applauding at the right times. I would have taken him straight outside if he had screamed/been a nuisance but I feel for anyone who has to take a younger child to these things.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 10/12/2014 16:48

Is the school doing a kid-free performance too? My school does two shows. One welcomes younger members of the audience - the other bans them. :-)

Bunnyjo · 10/12/2014 16:49

YANBU. Toddlers and babies are unpredictable and can go from silent to full on scream in seconds, so a little disruption is to be expected. However, when it is your child doing the screaming the only decent thing to do is step outside the room and allow others to enjoy the play.

Marmite and Poolbirth, surely the parent of the screaming toddler is unable to concentrate on their child's performance anyway? So why spoil it for every other parent? Is that not selfish, too?

The HT made a request and the parents should have respected that.

Scrounger · 10/12/2014 16:49

YABU, how are parents with more than one child meant to see their child in the play?? Not everybody can get childcare. Why is your desire more important than theirs??!

Marmite, like Happy said, it is the one person with the toddler wanting to see their child weighted against the desire of all the other members of the audience, the children themselves and the staff. Why should one person spoil it for the rest?

I've taken my toddler DTs to see my DS in a nativity - this is when chocolate buttons come into their own. They didn't misbehave but they would have been taken if they did. I'm not spoiling it for the other parents and the children.

OP YANBU

effinandjeffin · 10/12/2014 16:49

It's not just about parents wanting to see the play without kids screaming their heads off and in the case of our school, toddlers actually wandering onto the 'perfomance area' because the parents thought it was hilarious and cute Hmm.

It's also about the kids being able to perform the play that they've been working at over the last couple of months without being distracted by all the noise. It's not fair on them.

LadyLuck10 · 10/12/2014 16:50

Marmite are you one of the selfish people who thinks your right trumps others.

calmexterior · 10/12/2014 16:50

YABU

It's a nativity not the opera! Chances are if you have primary age children then there are going to be siblings. So parents with toddlers shouldn't be allowed to watch their children? I see.

Jingleyflashyballs · 10/12/2014 16:51

We've just had ours, no pre school children allowed, we've had plenty of notice but a couple of mums decided to try and get in with their babies, and got turned away, I have a baby too and I was peed off to begin with but it was nice not having screaming toddlers during the play.

Scrounger · 10/12/2014 16:51

formerbabe - we think alike