To wonder if I should tell her I've got someone else and don't need her anymore?

[extremepie]

Posted a little while ago about ds2's respite care lady - she's lovely and very good with ds2 but she's been quite inconsistent about the times she can have him. When we set up our agreement it was supposed to be for every Saturday, approximately 10-4 but with the possibility of swapping to a Sunday occasionally if she was fully booked or busy on a particular week. She also said that she has one weekend a month off so she would have him 3 weeks on, one week off. Fair enough.

He's been going to her for about 12 weeks so far and about 7 of those she has either had to cancel/been away/been too full etc. She is away this week and next week ds2 goes away to visit his dad so will not be back until first week of January so a further 2 weeks she won't have him (although when he's away that's not her fault obviously!)

Last week I was really annoyed as I messaged her on the Friday night to confirm that she was having him on the Saturday and I got no reply. Messaged again on Saturday, as ds2 was trying to get ready to go and got no response at all the whole weekend. Had to cancel my plans with ds1 :( Next time I heard from her was about 4 days later when she finally responded to a message I sent asking if she was doing this weekend (she isn't) - she apologised and said December is a really busy month.

I have since found an alternative who can do Saturdays, it's a nursery so slightly different but still respite for me and a chance to spend time with ds1 on his own - because of ds2's autism he needs 1:1 and they are happy to do it his but may not be able to do every week due to staffing as not all their staff work on the weekends and no Sundays at all.

Wibu to tell the other woman that I don't need her anymore, as she has been pretty unreliable so far, or should I keep her on as a backup just in case?

I don't want to 'let her go' so to speak, she is very nice but I'm really annoyed about her missing so many weeks and particularly last week where she didn't bother to message me back :(

Aibu?

I can't comment from experience. I don't want your post to go unnoticed. But, your stance seems perfectly reasonable to me.

I wouldn't have an unreliable backup (because that isn't a backup) I'd get one or two recommendations and use those as backups.

I think you are not being unreasonable at all. She hasn't kept to what she agreed and the no text thing is awful, so rude. If you were really struggling and desperate for respite care then she could have put you in a really bad place with her no shows. Sounds like she just wants it on her terms-bit of extra cash if she's got nothing better to do. I would have no hesitation in letting her know that you need, and have found more reliable respite care.

YANBU at all, respite care should be just that and so far it's just caused headaches. Use the more reliable service, the inconsistency can't be helpful for a child with autism or a child who is expecting some one to one time with mum.

Well exactly blink! I've not bothered telling ds1 about my plans the last few weeks because I know there's a good chance it won't happen and I don't want to disappoint him :(

You are not being U in the slightest!

I remember your last post. She's not really nice - she's not just coming to do something like garden or clean which would be annoying in itself she is meant to be doing a much more important task and letting you and both of your DC's down is unforgivable - maybe once or twice you could go with but 7 out of 12?

If drop her and not feel one bit sorry - at least the nursery should be able to give you plenty of notice (hopefully) I would use them and look for someone else reliable and maybe use the two so you can cover most weekends but I wouldn't even use this lady as backup.

Respite is supposed to 'De stress' you, not add to it.

The TAs at DS's special school do respite in their spare time. It might be worth looking into this as an option. Good luck.

Ds2 is in mainstream school at the moment and the TA's there won't even look after him in ASC let alone respite but it might be worth contacting the local special school, thank you :)

I don't think it is unreasonable..Just tell her you need something more regular than what she can offer.. That way you haven't got to fall out but she hasn't offered you anything you asked for.

Contact local sn schools, and also their outreach departments. It might not be something the ta's will/can do, but outreach might know of someone. But I would wait now until next year. There will be loads going on at the moment.