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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if this was little bit underhand and unfair? Work related.

38 replies

NeonDoll · 09/12/2014 14:49

I've name changed for this as it is potentially outing.

I currently work in a school, mornings only till 12.30. It's only temporary at the moment proving maternity leave cover, but I've been happy here until today. When I got in today all of the teachers and staff were wearing Christmas jumpers, everyone except me because I hadn't been told about it. So there I am in my smart (ish) work clothes, whilst everyone else was dressed in casual clothes, but I presumed it was just a genuine oversight...

Then at break time one the TA's who I work really closely with asked me if I was staying for Christmas dinner today. I didn't know anything about it, I know that usually you have to book and pay in advance for school Christmas dinner so I said no, because I hadn't been told about in advance! Then at lunchtime I had about four other members of staff ask me why I hadn't had a Christmas dinner with the staff or children, I gave them the same explanation. Two of them even told me I should just go and get one anyway, but I couldn't do that could I? There wouldn't be enough because they only cater for so many don't they, and I'd not paid in advance, although I'd have happily paid up tomorrow.

I felt really awkward and out of place. I suppose a pushier person than me would have just gone and had a dinner. It seemed quite an underhand way to behave, why didn't they ask me beforehand if I wanted one? Or tell me that it was wear a Christmas jumper to work day? Should I maybe bring this up with the teacher I work with (who said nothing to me about it, even today) or forget it? Or a I just over thinking things?

OP posts:

Nomama · 09/12/2014 14:54

You are over thinking things and they were trying to be nice and include you.

Ask one of the people who tried to gather you in if there are any other 'dos' you need to know about. Use this as a way of widening your peer group and becoming more embedded in the team as a whole.

As for the teacher who forgot you - hey ho! S/He can play bah humbug alone! That isn't worth worriting over!

Original poster

NeonDoll · 09/12/2014 14:57

No, your probably right. I would have loved to have stayed for dinner, but the canteen staff wouldn't have catered for enough.

OP posts:

HadleyHemingway · 09/12/2014 15:00

I'd feel upset. How did everyone else get to find out about it and you didn't?

SantasBassoon · 09/12/2014 15:00

You could have had the dinner. One extra wouldn't have stretched them to the limit, you must know how much goes to waste in a school kitchen.

Don't take it personally. It is strange that you didn't hear about either the dinner or Christmas jumper thing even in passing, so I guess the other staff just assumed you'd picked up on it by word of mouth. It doesn't sound as if they deliberately left you out.

Playthegameout · 09/12/2014 15:02

Are you on the staff email or do you attend staff briefing? At our school cover teachers aren't on the whole staff email and some only work p/t so miss briefing. We would usually arrange something like Christmas lunch/non uniform over the email or in briefing so it could just be a genuine mistake. I'm sure they wouldn't want you to miss out intentionally. Try not to let it spoil the last couple of weeks of term, give them the benefit of the doubt.

Original poster

NeonDoll · 09/12/2014 15:06

I think the staff briefings/meetings happen after school, and I've long finished for the day by then. I'm not on the email.

OP posts:

Scholes34 · 09/12/2014 16:44

. . . then it's a communication problem. You should raise it and ask how information should be cascaded on to you. The Christmas lunch issues has highlighted this.

ShadowKat · 09/12/2014 16:51

If you don't go to the staff meetings and you're not on the staff e-mail distribution list, then you not being told is probably an oversight and genuine mistake.

It's likely that everyone will have assumed that you get the e-mail and therefore knew all about it.

Agree that you should raise the poor communication issue. If your colleagues are unaware that there's a problem with you getting information, you might not learn about other important stuff later.

RokensWife · 09/12/2014 16:59

I work part time in a school and we have:

Weekly diary sheets given to us
Plans put on the staff room whiteboard
Copies of the staff meeting minutes given to us
Posters etc - there's been a poster up in the staff room about our Xmas lunch for weeks.

Does your school not have anything in place like the above? Could you suggest any of them? You do need to be fairly proactive as well. X

wheresthelight · 09/12/2014 17:05

I think you are reading to much into this as it very much sounds like an oversight/breakdown in communication rather than a willful attempt to exclude you.

I think yab a little u to be so incensed and to have refused to join in when invited. is there any other reason why you think they have excluded you? if you have been happy up to know I am not sure how you leap from happy to then excluding you from events

youareallbonkers · 09/12/2014 17:16

I know I'll get grief for complaining about the use of incorrect "your" but a teaching assistant FGS!! Surely she should know better?

DontWorrryBaldrickHasACunningP · 09/12/2014 17:26

You are being far too over sensitive. It sounds like they genuinely forgot, and they did then make an effort to include you but you made the choice not to participate.

This is such a non issue.

NeonDoll · 09/12/2014 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

NeonDoll · 09/12/2014 17:37

I probably am being a little oversensitive, but I've been on the receiving end of work place exclusion before, deliberate exclusion in that case and I suppose it's made me a bit weary of work place politics. I could have had a dinner, but I genuinely thought that there wouldn't be enough for me because I'd not booked beforehand.

OP posts:

Chippednailvarnish · 09/12/2014 17:38

Maybe it was done on purpose, they didn't want a grouchy TA at lunch!

NoImSpartacus · 09/12/2014 17:39

You are reading too much into this, it was an oversight.

And ignore youareallbonkers she clearly has no manners whatsoever, some people just can't help but be twats.

NoImSpartacus · 09/12/2014 17:41

And the same applies to Chippednailvarnish

You just have to feel sorry for saddos who sit behind a computer screen trying to make strangers feel like shit because their lives are so crap.

Why are there loads more weirdos than usual on MN lately!

Original poster

NeonDoll · 09/12/2014 17:41

" A grouchy TA" ? How did you work that out without knowing anything about me? The school have always said they are happy with me and my work.

OP posts:

wheresthelight · 09/12/2014 17:42

what is it with people being so flipping nasty at the moment?!

op was out of order in her retort to yourall although yourall you weren't particularly helpful and chipping why do more of the same?!

op I think your history is clouding your judgement on this issue. chalk it up to experience that not all work place politics are as nasty as your previous employment.

Xmas2014Santa2014 · 09/12/2014 17:45

I wouldn't take it personally

But I would start to read the minutes of meetings you don't attend

Read notice boards

Listen to the chat in the staff room

Can't believe the Xmas dinner wasn't on the school website ?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 09/12/2014 18:10

I think it was an oversight.

However it highlights a problem, I would be thinking what other important messages have I missed.

Are the staff at the school having after work drinks.

VitalStollenFix · 09/12/2014 18:15

I agree it shows there is a problem with effective communication. You shouldn't feel less like part of the team because you don't work ft. Flag it up with your manager, suggest changes that you think might help and follow up if they don't happen.

ILovePud · 09/12/2014 18:19

Sorry to hear this happened, I can understand why you felt hurt and excluded. I hope it was just an oversight on the part of busy staff, maybe you could identify one person, teacher or administrator, who's helpful and in the loop and then check with them whether there's anything on that you might not know about. If someone is asked specifically then they'll hopefully stop and think about it, as it is there may just be a diffusion o responsibility with everyone assuming someone else must have told you .

Original poster

NeonDoll · 09/12/2014 18:23

They've not mentioned after work drinks to me, yet. I have noticed that they will mention some things and not others, probably genuine oversights to be fair, but maybe I should discuss it politely with someone tomorrow?

OP posts:

alpacasosoftsnowgentlyfalling · 09/12/2014 18:27

Your title seems to suggest that you think it was deliberate exclusion "underhand and unfair"
Im sure it was just an oversight .

I think at the point you were asked if you were going for lunch ,I would have said "Oh yes ,if that's ok " and joined in.
I doubt they count the sprouts that closely

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