To wonder if this was little bit underhand and unfair? Work related.

[NeonDoll]

I've name changed for this as it is potentially outing.

I currently work in a school, mornings only till 12.30. It's only temporary at the moment proving maternity leave cover, but I've been happy here until today. When I got in today all of the teachers and staff were wearing Christmas jumpers, everyone except me because I hadn't been told about it. So there I am in my smart (ish) work clothes, whilst everyone else was dressed in casual clothes, but I presumed it was just a genuine oversight...

Then at break time one the TA's who I work really closely with asked me if I was staying for Christmas dinner today. I didn't know anything about it, I know that usually you have to book and pay in advance for school Christmas dinner so I said no, because I hadn't been told about in advance! Then at lunchtime I had about four other members of staff ask me why I hadn't had a Christmas dinner with the staff or children, I gave them the same explanation. Two of them even told me I should just go and get one anyway, but I couldn't do that could I? There wouldn't be enough because they only cater for so many don't they, and I'd not paid in advance, although I'd have happily paid up tomorrow.

I felt really awkward and out of place. I suppose a pushier person than me would have just gone and had a dinner. It seemed quite an underhand way to behave, why didn't they ask me beforehand if I wanted one? Or tell me that it was wear a Christmas jumper to work day? Should I maybe bring this up with the teacher I work with (who said nothing to me about it, even today) or forget it? Or a I just over thinking things?

[allypally999]

point taken happy that must be my own stuff taking over lol

[Summerisle1]

I really would put this down to a lack of communication rather than assume there's any sort of motive behind it. It's unfortunate that both events occurred on the same day but if you aren't on the email list and don't attend meetings, it might well be that in a busy school, your lack of knowledge about jumper day and Christmas lunch simply got overlooked.

However, I do think that it would have been sensible to have gone and checked out whether you could have lunch rather than do nothing and treat yourself as a victim of underhand and unfair behaviour. Only I'm certain that there would have been enough food to go round because Christmas lunches really aren't so portion specific usually.

It might be sensible to mention to your line manager that you were sorry to miss out on both lunch and jumper day and ask what would be the best way for you to inform yourself about future events like this. Don't start by coming across as a victim though since there's really no evidence to suggest there's any campaign of exclusion going on.

[GoldenKelpie]

OP, I work in a school too, a support assistant, and this sort of thing does happen from time to time. Please believe that it's not personal, but communication does not always work effectively.

Our staff xmas lunch is tomorrow (the pupils is Friday) and there has been a staff list in the staff room for a couple of weeks with tick boxes for choices of main and dessert. A member of support staff has asked everyone to fill it in and asked those who haven't to tick their preferences on the list.

You could have gone to the kitchen and asked if they could fit you a lunch in, I bet they could have. Part time staff do have an added difficulty because you can't always attend meetings or read emails in time.

[SpringBreaker]

Do you never instigate conversations yourself with your colleagues? None of your grievances sound as if they are deliberately done, just a lack of communication, and an assumption on your part that people will tell you and you dont like to ask.

[happystory]

Playground mentality implies you think it is deliberate, allypally I'd be very surprised if it was, just an oversight in a very busy environment where everyone has a million things to deal with in the autumn term esp at Christmas

[allypally999]

I get this too (part-time also) as some of the staff think I don't have the same entitlement that they do (I do)

1 member of staff tries to tell me things.

Unsurprisingly I am thinking of leaving after 6 years of this rudeness. I don't care what they or anyone else thinks anymore.

Totally understand hwo OP feels - playground mentality at its worst!

[JubJubBirds]

I'm sorry that happened OP. To me it sounds like simple miscommunication rather than anything more sinister though.

It really isn't the teacher's job to double check you've got all the general notices, they'll have enough to deal with. It seems your school isn't good enough at displaying information (eg on the whiteboard in the classroom).

Sign up to get the email notices then, if you want to be really proactive, go to your line manager and suggest weekly/termly notices are displayed in the staff room, you could even offer to be in charge of it if you want - a responsibility guaranteed to ensure you never miss an event again!

[MidniteScribbler]

I really doubt it was deliberate exclusion (or why would someone have even asked if you were going to lunch?). At our school, things like this are mentioned at staff meetings and put up on the notice board. Staff who do not attend the staff meetings are expected to check the board themselves. I genuinely don't have time in my day to chase up a part time employee to make sure they know about silly sweater day, I hear about it in meetings, scribble in my diary, then forget about it until the night before myself when I check my diary. I would expect someone who was not in meetings to check up on the board themselves and speak to whomever is coordinating whatever event it is. Working part time and not attending staff meetings means that you have to be proactive in chasing things like that up.

[happystory]

I understand why you feel upset but I don't see it as underhand or unfair. Schools are massively busy places, especially at this time of year and the teacher was probably fretting too much about the end of term show to remember to tell you! I think it's up to you to be more proactive in finding out what's going on.

[MrsPepperMintonCandyCane]

Years ago I once turned up in my summer floaty skirt and sandals to be asked why I wasn't ready for the trip! I was off to the farm and they forgot to tell me. After borrowing tracksuit bottoms and the football socks I had a lunch in a brown bag from the kitchen and off we went.

I understand how you'd feel after the previous unpleasant experiences but I think this is just poor communication at its finest.

[ShadowKat]

Yes, I'd discuss it politely. Your manager would probably be the first person to ask? I would assume that staff not mentioning some things is more likely to be an oversight and an assumption that you automatically receive general staff e-mails etc, and would go into a discussion on the basis of how can we improve communications in the future.

Ideally have some suggestions for how to improve communications up your sleeve, some of the posters above have made some useful suggestions for that.

[alpacasosoftsnowgentlyfalling]

My DS says you can have his sprouts !

Don't worry too much OP ,in your past job those that excluded you deliberately were nasty bullies.
It happened to me once and luckily management came down on them like a ton of bricks.
Don't let your past experiences sour your future .

[DoItTooJulia]

Oh, I'd be upset too, even if it is a genuine oversight.

Raise it with your line manager next time you have a one to one, or just speak to them about it next time you see them.

If you've been in the receiving end of workplace bullying you know ho afoul it makes you feel. If this isn't bullying, but an oversight, straighten it out now.

Hope you feel a bit better though, it's a horrible feeling.

[alpacasosoftsnowgentlyfalling]

Your title seems to suggest that you think it was deliberate exclusion "underhand and unfair"
Im sure it was just an oversight .

I think at the point you were asked if you were going for lunch ,I would have said "Oh yes ,if that's ok " and joined in.
I doubt they count the sprouts that closely

[NeonDoll]

They've not mentioned after work drinks to me, yet. I have noticed that they will mention some things and not others, probably genuine oversights to be fair, but maybe I should discuss it politely with someone tomorrow?

[ILovePud]

Sorry to hear this happened, I can understand why you felt hurt and excluded. I hope it was just an oversight on the part of busy staff, maybe you could identify one person, teacher or administrator, who's helpful and in the loop and then check with them whether there's anything on that you might not know about. If someone is asked specifically then they'll hopefully stop and think about it, as it is there may just be a diffusion o responsibility with everyone assuming someone else must have told you .

[VitalStollenFix]

I agree it shows there is a problem with effective communication. You shouldn't feel less like part of the team because you don't work ft. Flag it up with your manager, suggest changes that you think might help and follow up if they don't happen.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

I think it was an oversight.

However it highlights a problem, I would be thinking what other important messages have I missed.

Are the staff at the school having after work drinks.

[Xmas2014Santa2014]

I wouldn't take it personally

But I would start to read the minutes of meetings you don't attend

Read notice boards

Listen to the chat in the staff room

Can't believe the Xmas dinner wasn't on the school website ?

Sign up to parents Mail?

[wheresthelight]

what is it with people being so flipping nasty at the moment?!

op was out of order in her retort to yourall although yourall you weren't particularly helpful and chipping why do more of the same?!

op I think your history is clouding your judgement on this issue. chalk it up to experience that not all work place politics are as nasty as your previous employment.

[NeonDoll]

" A grouchy TA" ? How did you work that out without knowing anything about me? The school have always said they are happy with me and my work.

[NoImSpartacus]

And the same applies to Chippednailvarnish

You just have to feel sorry for saddos who sit behind a computer screen trying to make strangers feel like shit because their lives are so crap.

Why are there loads more weirdos than usual on MN lately!

[NoImSpartacus]

You are reading too much into this, it was an oversight.

And ignore youareallbonkers she clearly has no manners whatsoever, some people just can't help but be twats.

[Chippednailvarnish]

Maybe it was done on purpose, they didn't want a grouchy TA at lunch!

[NeonDoll]

I probably am being a little oversensitive, but I've been on the receiving end of work place exclusion before, deliberate exclusion in that case and I suppose it's made me a bit weary of work place politics. I could have had a dinner, but I genuinely thought that there wouldn't be enough for me because I'd not booked beforehand.