We are having MIL and my grandad over for Xmas dinner. I'm cooking and have bought all the food. Got a call from BILs ex-GF tonight to tell me they were coming to ours with their 3.5 yo DD - i.e. Our niece - and yes I was told not asked! The exact words were "looks like you'll have to make room for us as well as MIL on Christmas Day as we have nowhere else to go".
Here's a bit of relevant background - BIL (DHs brother) and his ex-GF split up around 3 years ago when DNiece was 6 months old. However they still do most things together as a family and come to family gatherings together. We all love the ex-GF but when her and BIL are together it almost always ends in a blazing row or at the very least snippy uncomfortable arguing. So we dread when they are going to be together somewhere as it's got to a point where they hate each other but still want to have equal time with their daughter so tolerate one another. The rest of us have to suffer the bad atmosphere (which will be worse now as BIL has just found a new girlfriend).
Their 3.5 year old and my 18 month old don't get along - that sounds ridiculous I know as they're toddlers, but they both get on with every other toddler they meet but they seem to rub each other up the wrong way. Neither of them are willing to share (especially my DD) and it takes about a minute for almighty tantrums to start once one has a hold of the others' toys. Also DNiece is starting to push, hit and pinch DD and will also growl in her face and last time we saw her she had a chest infection and caught her purposefully coughing in DDs face (ie forced coughing). Her behaviour is never corrected by her parents. And before I get flamed, I'm aware this is probably normal 3yo behaviour, and my DD may well be doing these things at that age - I don't have an issue with DNiece, I'm just trying to paint a picture of how stressful and unenjoyable it can be when the kids are together as I feel I'm always saying "no, play nice" constantly and both of them go away in tears.
Also re Xmas dinner - we only have space for 4 people round our table, I only have 4 chairs and 4 plates etc in our dinner set. We have bought all the food and don't really want to fork out 50% more - we haven't asked MIL and grandad for money they are just bringing drink, and wouldn't want to start asking people to contribute towards food.
The last few Christmases have been rubbish for me. Last year we were abroad and missed family tremendously, the year before that my dad died 2 days before Xmas and the year before that we were at my mums where there was an almighty fall out. I really want a relaxing and perfect Xmas, and want DH and DD to have the same. DD may be too young to remember it, but she still has to experience it and I want her to enjoy the day by herself and, for one day in the year, have a share-free day when her toys are her own (I know how precious and superficial that's sounds but it's how I feel and how I want to remember her first 'proper' Christmas).
So WIBU to say no to Xmas dinner guests? I didn't say yes btw I said I would call her back as was putting DD to bed (haven't called her back yet!)