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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hate being told to "cheer up" by random strangers in the street?

69 replies

Summerbreezer · 08/12/2014 15:42

When I am thinking, or distracted, it seems that my resting face is a little...grumpy. I am aware of that and make big efforts to be all smiley when I am around people I have to interact with.

Today, I was walking down the street happily thinking about my Christmas card list. My mind was in a happy place, clearly my face was not. I was minding my own business when a man (it is always men) came over to me and told me to "cheer up love".

This drives me bonkers. I think it is the height of rudeness. I don't have to look happy just for your benefit. What if something awful had just happened? I have every right to look as miserable as I like.

My friend thinks that I am overreacting and that it shows care and concern. She can't understand why I get so mad about it!

OP posts:
russiandwarf · 08/12/2014 15:52

YANBU This happens to me too and it makes me so angry!

cuppateaandtoast · 08/12/2014 15:54

This winds me up too. I got it more when i was younger though. I think its men trying (badly) to chat you up.

Lilymaid · 08/12/2014 15:55

I was often told this (yes, always by men, usually older men) when I was in my 20s. Now in my dotage, no one ever makes those comments to me. It is on a par with a wolf whistle.

Floggingmolly · 08/12/2014 15:55

Jesus, yes! I was practically followed along the street in Saturday by some wisearse telling me "smile, love. Go on smile. I want to see a great big smile"... Hmm
Wtf are these people on?

Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 15:56

There was a similar thread a while ago. It always seems to be men saying this to women - I can't think of ever hearing a bloke saying this to another bloke.

Yanbu. It drives me fucking crackers.

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 08/12/2014 15:56

YANBU -happens to me all the time and really winds me up, then I confirm to their (its usually a stranger) expectations of me.

Someone said it at work once. I was there concentrating on my PC and some random person who was seeing HR (I sat near them in our open plan office) said it to me. When I told my colleague (who wasn't there at the time) she couldn't stop laughing. Made me feel really uncomfortable then.

Someone also said it to me the day after my sister had died. Twats.

Its always men and its always strangers. Some of the experiences still wind me up to this day, even though it may have occured years ago.

ouryve · 08/12/2014 15:58

I have one of those faces, too.

I must look too old and life weary to be worth cheering up, these days, but used to get it all the time, as a teen. Shame, because unlike then, I now have the guts to say "I was perfectly happy until you came along".

glitterballsandtinsel · 08/12/2014 15:59

I have had this done to me too countless times and yes, it is very irritating. The last time it happened, a man said 'Smile!' as he walked past and I told him I don't smile on demand. He seemed quite taken aback and immediately apologised so perhaps he didn't realise he was being rude..

Fallingovercliffs · 08/12/2014 16:00

It annoys me too. Also, do these idiots never stop and think for a minute. Some of these total strangers they're advising to 'cheer up' might just have lost a parent, been made redundant, have an ill child in hospital or somesuch.

imonkey · 08/12/2014 16:04

YANBU this happens to me too and yes, now I come to think of it it is always a man who says it. A bus driver said it to me last week actually, really bugs me but am not brave enough or witty enough to think of a comeback!

allypally999 · 08/12/2014 16:06

I have had this all my life and it drives me mad ... mind if you say "I've just been to a funeral" or "someone just died" it might put them off saying it again for life ... not that I've done it ... honest!

woundbobbin · 08/12/2014 16:09

It drives me insane l get it all the time due to my miserable resting face. I genuinely don't understand why people think its ok to pass comment on total strangers I get it when running as well "come on love" "you can do it" makes me want to scream "fuck off and leave me alone this isn't a race I'm just having an hr of trundling along thinking uninterrupted by DC etc and you've ruined it with your unnecessary comment" phew rant over sorry!

Bakeoffcakes · 08/12/2014 16:10

This happened to me, several times in the months after a very sudden bereavement. Angry I would never say it to anyone.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 08/12/2014 16:10

Yanbu. It's one of my pet hates. They need to just fuck off and do one. It instantly puts me in a bad mood.

Bakeoffcakes · 08/12/2014 16:11

I think the queen has a face like this. I bet no one tells her to cheer up!

DazzleU · 08/12/2014 16:12

My experience is similar to Lilymaid - happened lots in my 20 always by men - though don't think it was a chat up line - now a haggard looking late 30 rapidly approaching 40 don't remember last time it happened.

Have had sympathetic - it will get better love - or they'll soon grow out of it - during DC tantrum episodes out in public. Those clearly meant well - the cheer up stuff never completely felt like that.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/12/2014 16:13

Concern my arse. Do they say 'are you ok?'. No, they order you to smile. Because you are a decorative object failing to perform for them.

Finola1step · 08/12/2014 16:13

Yes, I get this too. Usually followed by "It might never happen!" I now give the death stare along with a "It just did!" In a very flat, serious voice.

That said, I get this much less now that I'm in my 40s compared to my 20s. Shites the lot of them.

MissMogwi · 08/12/2014 16:18

YANBU, I get this. I must have a miserable resting face.

It pisses me off. I agree - no one ever says it to a man.

Are we supposed to walk around grinning like the fucking Cheshire Cat?!

SlimJiminy · 08/12/2014 16:22

I absolutely hate this!! Always by older men trying (I think) to be funny/flirty. I also had it the day after my grandad's funeral. Unfortunately for the man in question, I was mightily fucked off about his timing and shouted at him told him to never say that to another stranger again as they too might have recently said goodbye to a loved one. Cried my eyes out. Gave him a right peace of my mind. He looked mortified. Made me feel even worse. I like to think he learnt a valuable lesson that day. If anyone says it now I pull them up on it - tell them about my post-funeral outburst and hopefully make them feel generally a little bit crap for it.

Fudgeface123 · 08/12/2014 16:29

I had a guy say this to me...ten minutes after I'd found out my dad had committed suicide. I crumpled into a heap at his feet, he comforted me and apologised and did say he hadn't thought and it was just a cheeky way to get a woman to speak to him!

weeblueberry · 08/12/2014 16:31

You don't owe anyone a smile. Ignore and move on. People think it's cute - it's not.

ofshoes · 08/12/2014 16:34

I've found a cheery "Go fuck yourself" can work wonders in my unwanted interactions with strangers

allypally999 · 08/12/2014 16:38

lol ofshoes love it!

drivenbyyou · 08/12/2014 16:38

Yep, I've had this.

Think I've told this story on here before...I was being wheeled to a delivery room at the local maternity hospital when an auxiliary said 'cheer up, it's not that bad'. Unfortunately for them it was - I had just found out my baby was going to be stillborn. I could've wrung their neck with my bare hands if I hadn't been in so much pain.

I would NEVER say anything like this to anyone for exactly that reason (and those of PP). It's not funny, and it's not clever.