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Original poster

To hate being told to "cheer up" by random strangers in the street?

69 replies

Summerbreezer · 08/12/2014 15:42

When I am thinking, or distracted, it seems that my resting face is a little...grumpy. I am aware of that and make big efforts to be all smiley when I am around people I have to interact with.

Today, I was walking down the street happily thinking about my Christmas card list. My mind was in a happy place, clearly my face was not. I was minding my own business when a man (it is always men) came over to me and told me to "cheer up love".

This drives me bonkers. I think it is the height of rudeness. I don't have to look happy just for your benefit. What if something awful had just happened? I have every right to look as miserable as I like.

My friend thinks that I am overreacting and that it shows care and concern. She can't understand why I get so mad about it!

OP posts:
GloopyGhoul · 08/12/2014 16:42

RBF = Resting Bitch Face.

I suffer from this at times, and instead of the irritating 'cheer up', I get people actively avoiding me because I look like I might stab them in the neck with a biro if they speak to me. Useful for avoiding over-enthusiastic sales assistants, dreadful for getting served in busy bars.

Gatehouse77 · 08/12/2014 16:45

Take it as a compliment because chances are you're attractive and that is what drew them to see you in the first place. I, however, never get told this even when I was 16, crying on the tube after seeing my father post triple bypass operation. Or the numerous times I was upset watching my mother's slow decline.

Anyway, that makes me sound very bitter - I'm not. But it seems only attractive people (and I'm not phishing for compliments, I see what they see) get told to "Cheer up!".

So, revel in it being a compliment!

Tobeemoree · 08/12/2014 16:45

My usual response to this remark is to bark like a seal and flap my flippers. It often sees them backing away slowly. I like that.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 08/12/2014 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Betrayedbutsurvived · 08/12/2014 16:56

Drives me fucking crazy. Who hell do these fuckers think they are telling me what expression to wear. Depending on my mood they either get a wild eyed crazy fixed grin while I stagger towards them screeching " is this better for you" or just get told to fuck off.

allypally999 · 09/12/2014 11:31

I love RBF! Grin

Lovely sentiment gatehouse and so sorry to hear your troubles.

For driven Flowers that must have been awful for you

Cake all round on me!

Triooooooooooo · 09/12/2014 11:47

My aunt got told to cheer up on the walk home from seeing her dead child for the last time.

yanbu btw. People should engage their brains more

SlimJiminy · 09/12/2014 12:27

Trio Sad

Glabella · 09/12/2014 12:41

Men do this because they feel that they have the right to control how women look and behave, because to them we are just there to look pretty. They never say it to people who they perceive to be equals, like older women or other men. I read a great article about this, I will try to find it.

CruCru · 09/12/2014 12:41

Yes! Apart from anything else, it's creepy. Some dude feels able to tell you how you should arrange your face.

Thisishowyoudisappear · 09/12/2014 12:46

They don't perceive older women as equals surely? Non-existent more like.

I've been told to smile twice now by a checkout assistant when I ask for cash back. Second time my husband was with me. I think it's a way of putting women in their place.

Next time I am going to say something.

Glabella · 09/12/2014 12:52

www.tickld.com/x/next-time-someone-says-women-arent-victims-of-harassment-show-them

I just like this article, shows very succinctly why these things are part of a wider spectrum.

And yes I agree thisis, I was trying to make serious points while toddler wrangling. I think they see older women as not really women.

OVienna · 09/12/2014 12:55

Some fecker just told me to "Smile luv" - FUCK YOU! I wanted to say.

It's always some bloke who can't seem to believe you haven't noticed him and given him a wink or something. Like, how dare you walk past me without beaming your appreciation of me.

Honestly - at certain times of the month, I could quite easily trip those feckers up.

(Bitchy resting face was down to having found what looked like a tooth in my lunch as well. Got my money back but had quite legitimate reasons to be uncheerful...gag!)

OTheHugeManatee · 09/12/2014 13:01

Is this you, OP?

To hate being told to "cheer up" by random strangers in the street?
OTheHugeManatee · 09/12/2014 13:05

Oops, entirely misread the tone of the thread Blush Grin

lurkerspeaks · 09/12/2014 13:07

Someone said this to me when I was on an emergency tights mission on the way to my Mother's funeral.

I don't think he will ever say it to anyone again as I tore a strip off him and pointed out that he had no idea what was going on in my life and that sometimes "cheering up" just wasn't possible.

OVienna · 09/12/2014 13:12

manatee - i love that photo anyway.

ouryve · 09/12/2014 13:21

That's more like me, Manatee :o

(See, I grin inanely as much as I like, online - where there's no :o, I'll :D. I reserve my right to a permanent Hmm irl, though, unless something genuinely makes me :) )

MinnieM1 · 09/12/2014 13:21

I hate this!
My DD had meningitis at 3 months old and I had a 1 year old at home, one day when DP was in hospital with DD I was in a supermarket buying DS a dressing up outfit for something at nursery, was off in my own little world cueing (!?) at the checkout when the 500th guy that day including nurses in the hospital cafe Hmm told me to "cheer up love it might never happen" when I snapped "it already fucking has I've got a 3 month old in hospital with meningitis and Im just trying to buy my shopping and get back to her, but I do apologise if my unhappiness is upsetting you!!"
Don't think he'll be saying that again in a hurry

ouryve · 09/12/2014 13:26

RBF is hereditary.

This is my late gran, in her younger days. My dad says that I remind him a lot of her.

To hate being told to "cheer up" by random strangers in the street?
SockDrawer · 09/12/2014 13:31

I had the exact opposite once, a man in the street asked me if I was ok in such a gentle caring way. I wasn't (had just come out of yet another shit GP appointment) and I cried at him. Lovely man.

I think ofshoes's suggestion is the best way to deal with the wrong'uns though!

PuppyMonkey · 09/12/2014 13:34

It's Bitchy Resting Face - BRF

Chwaraeteg · 09/12/2014 13:46

Yanbu. I used to get this a lot.

All men should be made aware of this video:
m.youtube.com/watch?v=2TmscdapDHg

MrsSquirrel · 09/12/2014 14:02

Men do this because they feel that they have the right to control how women look and behave, because to them we are just there to look pretty.

Exactly ^

I used to get it when I was younger. Now that I'm middle aged I am probably invisible to that type of man, thank goodness.

SlimJiminy · 09/12/2014 14:55

I don't buy into the idea of a Bitchy Resting Face either. I don't have one. Not that it matters, because that's not the point. It's perfectly possible to be NOT smiling but also NOT miserable/in need of "cheering up"

I've seen that link before Glabella - thanks for sharing again.