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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to offend my friend over a man.

70 replies

vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 06:29

I am terminally single with the absolute worst dating luck. I'm also really quite picky, I didn't think I was but I am.

Anyway, my friend was at a work do on Friday and met someone she said I would like. She gave him my number. He text me and explained but I didn't reply as it was late. Next thing I know my phone is ringing at 1am and it's him.

I am not impressed.

We swap a few texts and I agree to meet him for coffee on Friday.

Few hours later I get another text asking if I am free sooner as he has stalked my Facebook, thinks I'm super hot and that he can't stop imagining me naked.

For fucks sake.
I'm not going to meet up with him now, there is no point.

But i also don't want to offend my friend who was thinking of me.

And then part of me thinks that maybe I'm just unrealistic about what I'm looking for and that this is the reality.

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 08/12/2014 06:32

You do not have to put up with that as 'a reality'. Just tell the friend that you were in touch and incompatible. Go with your gut feeling- don't meet him.

CitronVert · 08/12/2014 06:33

Just tell your friend what you've written here. I'm sure she'll understand. He may have seemed nice when she met him but he's coming across as a massively creepy dick now.

You're definitely not being too picky in this case!

glentherednosedbattleostrich · 08/12/2014 06:33

ERM no, he sounds like he needs some boundaries.

Just tell your friend he was too intense and you feel really uncomfortable. I mean who would think texting and calling a stranger at 1am is a reasonable thing to do?

JeanSeberg · 08/12/2014 06:33

Your friend tried to do something nice, it didn't work out how she hoped, block his number and move on!

FunkyBoldRibena · 08/12/2014 06:34

No, i would tell friend to back off from giving my phone number to people who she has no fucking idea about.

Littlefish · 08/12/2014 06:34

His behaviour was rude, juvenile and quite weird. Avoid this person completely. Just tell your friend you do not want to meet him.

YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 08/12/2014 06:34

It is the reality that some men are only after a shag, yes. He doesn't know you well enough to be diving in this deep or respect you (clearly) so I would steer clear if you're looking for something with a bit more substance.

desertmum · 08/12/2014 06:35

that is reality is some people's minds - but not mine. He hasn't met you but can't stop thinking about you naked ? eeeewww gross. He wants a shag - and that is fine if that's what you want too. But it sounds like you are looking for a relationship - so probably not your best option. I am sure your friend will understand if you explain your reasons for cancelling.

Littleturkish · 08/12/2014 06:37

Just tell your friend what he said! No one would expect you to put up with that. He sounds like a nightmare.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 06:39

Which I am..... so I know there is no point in meeting him.
None at all.

He didn't even pretend to be interested in me, not even a how are you or any other small talk. Just straight into how hot I am.

I do wonder if this is actually reality and the reason I've been single so long is because I won't accept it and want more/ something different.

She has just gone on about how nice he is and what a genuine guy he is. And he works with her boyfriend.

OP posts:
YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 08/12/2014 06:49

vintage People like that do you a favour. At least they weed themselves out from the gentlemen so you don't have to. It is so obvious when a guy is after one thing- he'll compliment you on a superficial level, and will take no real interest in you as a person.

Not all men are like that though. You will know when someone truly likes you because they'll be respectful (through actions as well as words)

As for your friend saying what a good guy he is, that is probably because he respects his friends. They have never dated him so they don't know what he is like in that department.

LindyHemming · 08/12/2014 06:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunkyBoldRibena · 08/12/2014 06:55

She has just gone on about how nice he is and what a genuine guy he is.

I'd suggest that she doesn't know people as well as she thought then.

FunkyBoldRibena · 08/12/2014 06:56

The fact that he made a booty call at 1am, without even meeting you - tells you all you need to know.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 06:58

I know. He has made it very obvious, so I won't be meeting him. I had decided that from when be called that late.

I think it's awful behaviour.

My friend would think it's fine. She her marriage broke up and she met and moved in with someone else 3 months later. 7 years since my marriage ended and I'm still single.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 08/12/2014 07:00

Ugh how revolting.

Don't worry about offending your friend! Be offended yourself by her handing your number out to sleazy wankers without checking with you first.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 08/12/2014 07:01

I would be annoyed with my friend for handing out my number to someone! Someone asked my friend for my number the other day and she said no, it was up to him to ask me.

I would also instantly hate anyone who rang me at 1am!

Felyne · 08/12/2014 07:02

Did she check with you before giving out your number to people you didn't even know? He phoned you at 1am? I'd be curious to know what your friend actually said to him about you, was it along the lines of "She's lovely and is interested in [stuff]" or was it "you can call her any time, she's gagging for it". He must have had your full name to fins you on Facebook.

Eeww. I would tell my friend what happened and why I'm not meeting him if it was me.

LottieMumofWilfJenkins · 08/12/2014 07:07

If it were me I would be furious that my friend had given my number to a man I didnt know! I had a guy keen on me a few months ago and he gave his number to a friend of mine and said he wanted to take me out! My friend thankfully didnt hand my number over but gave me his. I wasnt keen so didnt respond!

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 08/12/2014 07:09

hey vintage.
similar timing with the single since marriage broke up here.

this berk is behaving like a dog on heat.
i know it's a bit depressing but i think your instinct was right after the one am call.

one with manners will come along. don't you dare lose your standardsSmile

Tistheseasontobepissy · 08/12/2014 07:11

He sounds like a dick.

It's not reality. I'm also interested to see what your friends said about you and also if she has any sense in judge of character. Who the fuck rings at 1am? I'd be furious. What's he expecting you to let him come around?

I wouldn't bother about offending her I'm be more pissed off she gave your number to a complete wanker.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 07:12

She became Facebook friends with him. I'm friends with her and he found me that way.
My Facebook is all locked down so he can only see my profile photo anyway.

Stupid man.

I might just tell her it was clear he was only after sex and I just can't be bothered to shave my legs for a 10 minute bunk up :)

OP posts:
FuckYouChristmasAndThatClaus · 08/12/2014 07:15

Oh God no! Not all men are like this! This is not the reality now.

Immature idiots are like this. Men who only want one thing and aren't pretending to want more are like this.

Someone with the same wants as you would be interested in who you are. He's told you he's not. At least he didn't pretend he was and string you along (there's the bright side).

It sounds like your friend's expectations and boundaries are lower than yours, which means she's not the best judge of character when it comes to choosing someone compatible.

But there are loads of nice, genuine men out there. Please don't think he represents them.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 07:16

Standards will not be lost.

If anything they are getting higher the longer I am single. And I can spot a knobber a mile away which is why I hardly go on any dates when I used to go on loads before.

OP posts:
FuckYouChristmasAndThatClaus · 08/12/2014 07:16

10 minutes? At 1am? You'd be lucky :o