Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to offend my friend over a man.

70 replies

vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 06:29

I am terminally single with the absolute worst dating luck. I'm also really quite picky, I didn't think I was but I am.

Anyway, my friend was at a work do on Friday and met someone she said I would like. She gave him my number. He text me and explained but I didn't reply as it was late. Next thing I know my phone is ringing at 1am and it's him.

I am not impressed.

We swap a few texts and I agree to meet him for coffee on Friday.

Few hours later I get another text asking if I am free sooner as he has stalked my Facebook, thinks I'm super hot and that he can't stop imagining me naked.

For fucks sake.
I'm not going to meet up with him now, there is no point.

But i also don't want to offend my friend who was thinking of me.

And then part of me thinks that maybe I'm just unrealistic about what I'm looking for and that this is the reality.

OP posts:
Original poster
vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 07:19

Hahaha.

Indeed.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 08/12/2014 07:26

My friend would think it's fine. She her marriage broke up and she met and moved in with someone else 3 months later. 7 years since my marriage ended and I'm still single.

I'm more like you but really - that doesn't mean your friend would think it was ok. OK, she moved on quickly - but there must have been a proper connection there or it wouldn't have worked out...

Original poster
vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 07:31

You would think that... but in that time she had had two month long boyfriends and a handful of one night stands.

Bit this isn't about her.

OP posts:
LegoSuperstar · 08/12/2014 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/12/2014 07:39

YANBU. Poor judgement on your friend's part to give your phone number away without your consent.

musicalendorphins2 · 08/12/2014 07:55

I don't think you are picky, you just won't settle for someone you don't care for, and why should you?

Bellwether · 08/12/2014 07:59

Friend needs to know it is not on to give your number to weirdos who stalk you and think you 'would be hot naked'.

Whippet81 · 08/12/2014 08:00

I had a friend do this to me and it turned very stalkerish very quickly with him waiting outside work for me when I finished at midnight and the stupid woman had told him where I lived (in a flat in a building in the middle of nowhere on my own) and he text me to say he was sat outside.

I was too kind to start with - send him a message saying that you're not interested - don't contact me again please etc.

Branleuse · 08/12/2014 08:05

your friend needs to get over the idea that you being single is a problem she needs to solve.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 08:09

I think she had good intentions.

I can't really be cross at her over it..

OP posts:
RudeBarbandCustard · 08/12/2014 08:17

Oh Vintage you're not wrong to be pissed off about this, and this really isn't 'the reality' - you don't have to accept this kind of sleazy behaviour. Sounds like you've already figured that one out though.

I would, however, be extremely pissed off at my friend if she did this. I think it was disrespectful of her to give him your phone number, without consulting you. As if single people are just a commodity to be shared out among one's friends.

I would tell her everything you've written here, don't hide the truth from her. Then tell her that it's great that she's thinking of you, and you're grateful, but in future you don't want her giving out your phone number to any old hopeful creep. You're in control over who has your number, not her.

And don't beat yourself up about being too picky, just get out there, try a few new flavours, and if they're not for you thats your choice.

Sickoffrozen · 08/12/2014 08:20

The 1am call would have been enough for me to not bother.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 08:24

I've just told her and she said she is sorry. He seemed nice and quite shy ish.

OP posts:
DoctorTwo · 08/12/2014 08:25

She gave your number to a man you don't know? Shock He called at 1am when you didn't reply to a text? Shock You're absolutely right to run to the hills. It's not that your standards are too high (whatever that means) but that you're not prepared to 'settle' for somebody not right for you. Good.

Squirrelsmum · 08/12/2014 08:29

I'd be pissed at your friend, um you don't give out people's phone numbers without at least checking with them first. She could have gotten his number and passed it on to you if she thought meeting him was such a grand idea.
He sounds like a dick.

LegoAdventCalendar · 08/12/2014 08:30

Why is being single a problem? Your friend sounds pitiful, the type of person who can't be without a relationship, however shitty.

grumpyoldgitagain · 08/12/2014 08:32

The appropriate thing for her to have done would be to say I have a friend you might like shall I give her your number and then passed his number to you

Although in some ways she did you a favour by letting him show himself to be a knob calling at 1am so you didn't waste anytime on dates before finding this out

RudeBarbandCustard · 08/12/2014 08:33

Well done for telling her - maybe a reminder that it's not ok to hand out your number to any random stranger is in order.

I once had a similar situation where a creepy guy old enough to be my Dad started chatting me up, knew my name and where I lived... turned out a lady friend who works at the Bank told him Shock. I'm pretty sure that's highly unprofessional... but I was more offended that this woman thought that a twenty something girl would be interested in a 50 something man and that I would be ok with her telling him my details.

Some people just think that single people are desperate to hook up with anyone.

FollowTheStarship · 08/12/2014 08:34

Bloody hell I wouldn't be meeting this chancer even if I did just want a shag! He phoned you at 1am a few hours after you failed to reply to his text??? Someone THAT inconsiderate and needy is NOT going to be great in bed are they?

Please hang on to some of that pickiness OP if it helps you avoid this kind of idiot! And friend overstepped the mark - I'd be asking her not to hand my number out again. If she meets someone she thinks you'd like, they can give her their number surely.

Is this the "reality" - well, plenty of men are unpleasant, but that doesn't mean that the "reality" is that you have to settle for an awful one. Don't!

Fairylea · 08/12/2014 08:41

Everything about this is wrong. I'd be angry at my friend for giving someone my number. I wouldn't meet someone who considered a suitable first contact to be a 1 am phone call. No no no.

All wrong.

You can do much better. Tell your friend not to give out your phone number in future.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 08:53

Being single isn't a problem but she does know that I would like a relationship. I just don't want any relationship for the sake of it.

I'm sure she was trying to help.

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 08/12/2014 09:13

At least you are rid of the man child with the sexually abusive dad! Onwards and upwards!

Beangarda · 08/12/2014 09:18

Surely whatever you say about this unpleasant text encounter with Mr 1am, and you'd be within your your friend could not possibly be offended! In her position, most people would be mortified they had put you in the position of being harassed by someone so awful!

NakedFamilyFightClub · 08/12/2014 09:19

I know you say you have good boundries, but once I read he'd rang you at 1, I assumed you tell him to fuck off, not arrange a date with him later!

Original poster
vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 09:21

Dumped him a fair few weeks back.

My friends say I'm always dumping men. Which I guess I am.
But it'd not my fault if they turn out to be fuck wits.

I'd rather be on my own.

OP posts: