Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to offend my friend over a man.

70 replies

vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 06:29

I am terminally single with the absolute worst dating luck. I'm also really quite picky, I didn't think I was but I am.

Anyway, my friend was at a work do on Friday and met someone she said I would like. She gave him my number. He text me and explained but I didn't reply as it was late. Next thing I know my phone is ringing at 1am and it's him.

I am not impressed.

We swap a few texts and I agree to meet him for coffee on Friday.

Few hours later I get another text asking if I am free sooner as he has stalked my Facebook, thinks I'm super hot and that he can't stop imagining me naked.

For fucks sake.
I'm not going to meet up with him now, there is no point.

But i also don't want to offend my friend who was thinking of me.

And then part of me thinks that maybe I'm just unrealistic about what I'm looking for and that this is the reality.

OP posts:

Original poster

vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 09:24

He was drunk.

I was pissed off but thought I'd see what he said, based on the opinion of my friend who was Insistent we would really get on well.

It was only because of her. And then I cancelled a few hours later.

OP posts:

BringMeTea · 08/12/2014 09:31

Yes he is clearly a total loser. But you know that it isn't the norm. I would be having a word with my friend. She should have checked with you first. Good luck!

Original poster

vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 09:34

The worse is that it kind of Is the norm when you are single. Or it is for me.

No one knows why. It's just reems of fuck wits.

Doesn't matter if we have met in a pub, online, from friends. .. They all turn out to be fuck wits.

OP posts:

CocktailQueen · 08/12/2014 09:34

He rang you at 1am????? And that was his first contact? insane and weird. If someone I didn't know rang me at 1 for no good reason, I'd tell them where to go, not make a date with them!

Original poster

vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 09:39

It was a big xmas work do. My friend was there too.

I wasn't impressed and would have discounted him based just on that if it wasn't for her saying how lovely he was and that we would get on really well.

OP posts:

NakedFamilyFightClub · 08/12/2014 10:10

I think you need to worry less about other people's opinions, including your friends. You don't seem to think much of her taste in men or relationships, so I would totally ignore what she thinks your taste might be.

The fact he was drunk when he rang makes it worse, not better! I know this might seem like I'm getting at you, I'm not. Its just that his fuckwit status was shining out brightly at that point...

Original poster

vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 10:18

And I didn't go on a date with him, and told him it was off about an hour after agreeing, so what's the problem?

I got drink the week before at my xmas do. Ended up standing on a table at the end, trying to organise an after party. Got home and drunk text a handful of people. That doesn't automatically mean I'm an arse.

I wasn't impressed by the call at all. Based on the opinion of my friend I gave him a few texts to see what he was like. He was a dick so I told him I wasn't interested.

I don't really see what I've done so wrong there but am open to being told if I'm completely wrong.

OP posts:

LittleBairn · 08/12/2014 10:42

Wow now way are YABU he sounds like a stalking in the making.

NakedFamilyFightClub · 08/12/2014 10:47

Ok, you got drunk, no problems there, but would you have rang a stranger whose friend gave you their number and tried to arrange a date at 1am? To me it seems like massive overconfidence mixed with desperation - not desperation aimed you, just general desperation, if your friend had given him anyone else's number he'd have done the same, which is rather off-putting.

I don't care if my friends told me that whoever did it was nice, I'd have no interest in them after that.

WD41 · 08/12/2014 10:52

I would be so pissed off if a friend gave my phone number to a stranger, that's bang out of order

dirkdiggler1 · 08/12/2014 10:55

Well you can at least take it as a compliment. Better than him saying that he looked at your facebook and thought you were a bit rough so no thanks.

MistressDeeCee · 08/12/2014 11:17

I can't see why you've just assumed your friend will be offended. Credit her with some intelligence please - she's a woman and will no doubt understand why you dont want to meet this guy

DoraGora · 08/12/2014 11:19

But, there is the hurt feelings problem. Not liking her male friend is a form of rejection.

MistressDeeCee · 08/12/2014 11:20

& its not her fault he's a prick, nor is his behaviour a reflection of the kind of person she is; there are many people who only show the face they want others to see in this life so she likely doesnt even know that side of him just the nice side. As unpleasant as this kind of thing is, it does happen so best to tell her whats what and then just put it down to experience. You're not meeting up with him he's not your man so what odds

HamPortCourt · 08/12/2014 11:26

vintage YANBU

That previous knobber you held onto waaaaaay past the point where most of us would have kicked him to the kerb.

This latest twerp is not worthy of your attention either. I really do not think you are being "too picky" by rejecting these two men.

Enjoy your single life and when the time is right some lovely bloke will come along and muck it all up for you

Original poster

vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 11:32

Ham. I've been single for way past the enjoyment level of time.

7 years.
An additional 1 on top of that as I split up with my ex husband then we gave it another go for a shirt while.

Dd is 8. This is her 9th xmas. I've been on my own for every single one bar one.

That's quite crap by anyone's standards

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 08/12/2014 11:55

I think Ham is pretty much spot on

& have a word with your friend let her know not to give out your phone number

Bumbiscuits · 08/12/2014 12:00

I set my pal up with a bloke I knew. They exchanged emails and it was all looking good until he sent her a topless picture of himself. She didn't appreciate it (I did, what a bod), and felt this wasn't the kind of bloke she would go for.

She cancelled their date and we all lived happily ever after. No offence was taken by me whatsoever.

TheChandler · 08/12/2014 13:27

I think you need some new friends OP. Maybe this is partly why you're not meeting decent men?

Christmas without a sex crazed desperado on the scene is a good thing surely?

It is a funny story though. He's so awful, from the very first contact - he just doesn't know how to behave at all, does he? I'd tell the friend what he did and expect her to laugh with me over it, if she doesn't and attempts to defend him or accuses you of being stuck up, I'd distance myself from her.

Some people just do not have any idea how to behave well. I once had an acquaintance try to set me up with a man some 30 years my senior, who gave me a lift home from a tennis match once, and used phrases such as "tits on a stick" when referring to young women whose appearance didn't quite meet with his approval. But at least she asked me if she could pass on my number!

Original poster

vintagecrap · 08/12/2014 13:37

It's more likely the cause of my lack of meeting decent men is the lone parent/ serious lack of free time or free money issue. That and my age. The only single people I know are a good 10 years younger than me. The ones my age all have families and don't have free time and. Don't want to do things without their husbands.

Par of the course and not a situation unique to me.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3