To expect my friends to understand that I am a Coeliac

[Reredos]

Basically these are two female friends that I have known for 20 years. We meet up with their husbands every month or so for dinner and we often go for weekends away. I have been recently diagnosed as having Coeliac disease through a gut biopsy but a mutual friend was diagnosed two years ago. I have heard what they say about the Coeliac friend, how she is attention seeking and is loving the drama of having a special diet. I am probably closest to this Coeliac friend and had researched the diet so that I could offer her safe food and also support. this actually meant that when I was diagnosed it wasn't such a big thing for me as it knew so much about it.
The first thing one of these friends said to me when I told her I was diagnosed was 'I hope you are not going to be all silly about it like xxx'
I have tried to explain the danger of contamination with them but they refuse to accept it. Everyone seems to know a coeliac person (probably a gluten-intolerant) who eats cake every now and then and 'just deals with the consequences'
We have one of these trips away booked for New Year and I am frankly dreading it. I will take my own food but they will see that as a slur or that I am trying to draw attention to myself. They couldn't be more wrong. I hate being different. I have no problems with following a gluten-free diet at home or when going out with my family. It is so easy to buy gf food in all of the supermarkets and I actually prefer to just take a sandwich in my handbag and not make a fuss.
I am getting unreasonably anxious about this and I need a coping strategy.
The weekend will involve at least one posh restaurant meal and fish and chips on the beach. I know they will say that I can have the chips because they are just potatoes but, if I then say that it's not recommended due to contamination of the oil by battered products, it will result in melodramatic eye-rolling and being told to get a grip.
The husbands of these women are lovely. I don't think that they really understand the contamination issue either but they are not judgemental. My husband gets on well with all of the group and his advice is to not worry about it until it happens and that I can take my own food and that there will always be something on the menu that I can eat.
It doesn't help that I am a vegetarian. I know that this is a self-imposed restriction but, after 40 years, I can't change. I can manage to eat some fish and I have tried to eat meat (by putting tiny pieces of chicken in rice) but I hate it and I shouldn't have to eat meat (or gluten) to keep everyone else happy.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I eat whatever is prepared for me at friends houses/restaurants and 'deal with the consequences' however detrimental to my health could be?

Sorry to hijack the thread but I was just wondering if any of you coeliacs have a close family member who is also coeliac? My father was diagnosed a fair few years ago so we are well geared up for gluten free living in our house when he visits. I have got ibs (diagnosed by me) and my youngest son seems to have inherited my bowels. I was wondering if it is worth mentioning it to the GP or not.

thwobbly absolutely mention it!

thobblywighs Yes I would mention it to your GP. My mum was diagnosed with coeliac disease about 10 yrs ago and I had no symptoms at the time, but five years ago I got quite ill, very weird bowels, feeling sick, lost weight. I asked the doctor to test me for coeliac disease because of my mum and it turns out I have it.

My DS tested negatively for it but he does have bowel issues and says bread gives him tummy ache.

Thanks. I often get random nausea and unexplained exhaustion although no weight loss. Put it down to stress. Will mention it next time I see the dr. As an aside, I bought my father a gf Christmas cake last week. He won't be able to eat it though as I finished the last bit this afternoon. It was lovely. :-)

I haven't had my children tested yet as they are adult males that still need convincing. My consultant is pushing me saying the the risk of them being coeliac goes from 1:100 to 1:10 for a blood relative. I am convinced my dad has it.
The possible cancers scare me as said consultant insists that they are really nasty and imcurable.

Thobbly
I have a separate cupboard for my gf food and it is constantly raided by my family. They love the mrs crimbles macaroons, the Nairn's oatcakes and my emergency packets of microwave rice.

Did anyone get the free Glutafin pizza bases? They are absolutely brilliant

thobblywighs I've done that with a selection box too!

reredos I get those pizza bases on prescription, they are nice. I made some mince pies with GF ready made pastry this weekend, dp said he couldn't tell they were GF.

Ooh, mince pies required by the end of the week. Which pastry did you use?

It was DS (dietary specials?) shortcrust pastry. Horrible to knead and roll out because it keeps falling apart but they worked out ok in the end.

I'm sorry op but I actually think you are being a bit unreasonable. you say you are very anxious about it all. I think it has more to do with your management of it. You need to prepare yourself for the fact that when you see these people you are going to have to forethink what you will eat and take it with you.
Yes they sound like awful friends but it's no one else's job to think about what you will eat. If you take your food and eat it what is there to make a thing out of? I'm not saying I agree with them at all but we are a very allergy restricted house and it is possible to go about day to day life without anyone ever noticing if you plan ahead. And if it's not brought attention to, surely that's the problem gone?

A posted has questioned why I suggested that it is better to call ahead and discuss dietary requirements with the chef beforehand, if possible. All good chefs will be able to put something together that the customer can eat but with advance notice you will have much more choice.By letting the chef know your likes and dislikes in advance he can create a dish for you.......

I think that's harsh Brere. It's not always possible. In the chippy for example, I have been in very similar situation, friend ordered chips in a pub, offered me some. I just politely declined. Practically badgering me to share, so I explain I'm fairly sure I won't be able to eat them. Cue eye rolling and, but they are just potatoes. So I ask the staff, and sure enough, they are not gluten free. Despite having it confirmed not gluten free, still a sceptical but it's just chips. People also don't accept the contamination thing at all.

I find having coeliac disease really embarrassing and try to avoid mentioning it but on a daily basis it comes up. I don't want to draw attention to it, but eating is such a massively social activity, and gluten is in so many things, and the risk of contamination so high it is very hard to eat without drawing attention to it.

I don't think it's easy to avoid calling attention to it. When we eat out as a family (two young DC with coeliac), I have to ask questions to make sure that the food is safe.

For example - a few weeks ago we were at a local cafe well known for being good for gluten-free, and with a special 'gluten-free' menu. We go there quite often, and chips have never been on the gf menu - this time they were. I asked the waitress about how the chips were cooked - it turned out that they were cooked in the same oil as breaded items! If my eldest Dc had eaten them, he'd have been doubled up in pain a couple of hours later. Worse - it would have kickstarted his immune system into producing antibodies that attack his gut, and it has taken 2.5 years for us to get his system clear of those antibodies in the first place, so that would be pretty awful.

You can just never assume anything, you always have to ask questions. If people make you feel awkward or fussy about those questions, it can be very uncomfortable. People need to just let those of us who need to check and question food get on with it, and not treat it as a moral issue.

You doont need coping strategies, you need to dump these friends. My friend is gluten and lactose intolerant, someone tried the 'funny' these are x free brownies on her. She was off work for a week and nearly hospitalized. Oddly.enough that person now has few friends when word got out she tried the 'it was a joke's, people were not amused.

Def look for some good gf providing restaurants beforehand but you need to tell these friends what's what before going or cancel. You do.nit.need people badgering and jerring at you about this.

I think some people are just not that interested in other peoples chronic health problems. It's not confined to coeliac.

One of my friends does seem to go on and on about her coeliac diet - even though we're also a glutenfree house and she shouldn't feel in any danger here. I do get the risks of cross contamination.

You need to find a way to deal with it firmly, without going on about it. That or don't go.

I made nice gf jam tarts with this pastry

250g gf flour (I used the doves farm one)
1 egg
75 g sugar
pinch of salt
125g butter

Thobbly All three of my DDs have coeliac disease, as does their cousin (their dad's brother's son). Although it's not meant to be hereditary (from what I understand anyway), there is definitely a genetic link so if your father has it and you are struggling with bowel issues you should definitely get tested. Even if you don't have coeliac disease, eating less gluten can help with IBS symptoms anyway.

For mince pies - have you tried the new Genius pastry? It's a bit hard to get hold of (big Asdas only I believe), but it's amazing .

FWIW, Reredos - I don't think you're unreasonable at all. Whilst many people are benefiting from eating less gluten these days, I don't think that everyone understands the implications of coeliac disease as opposed to a gluten intolerance. Having three DDs with coeliac certainly limits where, and how often, we eat out and when we go to friends or family for meals, I always check in advance what food is going to be provided and ensure that, if it's not suitable, I take alternatives. It can be stressful - people often offer to cater for them, which is really kind and I always really appreciate the offer, but I can't guarantee that, whilst they might buy gluten free food, other food might be contaminated, such as the butter they use... I hope your friends find some empathy for you and that you enjoy your weekend away.

As a nurse, I am always very suspicious of any patient who announces they have a random allergy or digestive condition (without any mention of it in their notes). It is usually because they want the hospital kitchen to prepare them a jacket potato. I take great pleasure in serving them a plain baked spud for every single meal until they are discharged. The point I am trying to make is that there are many people out there who decide they have an allergy or condition, just for the drama and attention. And lots and lots of us are very tired of it indeed.

windchime and many people have an intolerance but no diagnosis as their gp is useless fobs them off with leaflets and 'take paracetamol and wait and see'

Windchime as a nurse I would have thought it was your job to ensure the patient got better in as much comfort as possible, and if they want a jacket potato so be it. I think you need to reconsider your career choice if you take "great pleasure" in being unkind.

One of my closest friends has coeliac and I know she sometimes finds it difficult eating out and we live in a large cosmopolitan City.

OP I think you should ensure you have and can eat the foods which are suitable for you and ignore your so called friends. Smile and nod, smile and nod!

Have a lovely weekend away

Wow, windchime, you sound like you really care about your patients.

Windchime! Quite aside from the fact that we are not just physical bods but emotional bods, too - having a nurse spitefully use her power, at a time when a patient is largely powerless, is beyond the pale.

OP fake an attack, roll around on the floor, bulge at the eyes, frighten the life out of them I'd say call an ambulance but that's expensive to the taxpayer .

You need to remember that windchime is a Samaritans purse supporting UKIP voter windup merchant .

I think it's because so many people nowadays are 'wheat intolerant' without a medical diagnosis and sadly this undermines our condition

Because you can't get a medical diagnosis for wheat intolerance. My DD has a negative coeliac blood test but is without a doubt very intolerant. I am about to start pushing for a biopsy.

To say it undermines your condition gives me the rage.