To pay DM to look after DSs?

[Sylviesleep]

My DM looks after DSs before and after school 3 days a week. DS 1 8-8:30 then 4-5 and DS 2 8-8:30 then 12-5.
I pay her £250 a month for doing this but we are really struggling to pay her this. DH has never liked the fact that DM asks for money to look after them.
Aibu to pay DM?

Yes childcare is a lot unfortunately, my friends dd pays 1000 a month to send her dd into nursery 03 days a week. Yes mum should be paid, it's a lit of faff and responsibility and she is restricted.

I thought it was illegal for a family member to have your children for more than 2 hours per day unless they were a childminder.

However I think that is beside the point. I think an honest we can't afford this conversation needs to be had.

MIL died last year, FIL does the school run ( as he has a car) on those 3 days free of charge. He is quite elderly so not fit enough to look after them for longer.

No, she only has them term time

If your DH doesn't like it, suggest to him that he find someone else prepared to do it for expenses only.

Your poor mum! She's a pensioner and probably relies on that extra income. You say you struggle to pay her but out of school care would cost the same. Therefore, you'd struggle to pay out of school care as well. Clearly your DP expects her to do do almost free childcare for you, which I think is really cheeky given she's minded your children for years. If your not happy with the amount you pay her put your kids into out of school care, then pay for school holiday care on top of term time care. I think you are being very unfair on your mum. After all, she's retired.

I think it's fair that you pay her but if you were paying a registered child minder/nursery you could potentially get CTC to help cover the costs of childcare.

Sylvie you have to pay her, or get alternative childcare. If you cannot afford that one will have to seriously rethink childcare arrangements. I am a StAHm as it is cheaper than childcare for 2 children. I work in care and I would be basically working to pay childcare with nothing left over. DH earns more in his field, so goes to work.

Your mum and fil must be very kind committed grandparents to do this childcare routine.

I certainly wouldn't be paying less as the alternatives would cost you far more.

I think you are incredibly lucky to have so much cheap and free childcare, it is not rocket science to know that childcare is so expensive and is obviously something that you and your DH need to budget before making comittments. Many people don't actually 'make' any money for a few years whilst paying child care expenses but understand it is part of the long term cost of having children and not wanting to take time out of the workplace. Or should one of you consider being a SAHP or try getting an evening/weekend job and work out your own childcare as a couple?

financial - has anyone actually ever been prosecuted for receiving payment for looking after grandchildren?

I agree fabulous, it is very cheeky to expect free childcare, at the inconvenience of looking after 2 chikdren 3 days a week. Find a childminder!

That is a huge amount of childcare. Her day is entirely taken up 3 days a week! That effects whether she can work, when she can go on holiday and is hard work. If you had a nursery for ds2's hours it wiuld cost you loads more.
I know a few grandpatents who do 1 day a week for free but 3 would be entirely taking the piss. Your dh sounds very entitled. If you are struggling to pay, eg you are having to cut back on essentials , then discuss this with her. But her hours have reduced is a crap reason as her days are still entirely ruled by childcare.

I thought it was illegal for a family member to have your children for more than 2 hours per day unless they were a childminder.

Why would it be illegal?
What about children who go and stay at grannies overnight?
How odd

I thought it was illegal for a family member to have your children for more than 2 hours per day unless they were a childminder.

No financial this is not the case.

I wouldn't say a word.
Ye would be far worse off without her.

I think your DH is bu! Seriously, price up all the other options and then show him what a great deal you're gettin!

Your DH thinks she should give up 3 days a week every week for "expenses"? That's bizarre. You need her to be up early every morning, and doing at least 3 sets of school runs on those days, it is a big commitment on her part.
you are getting around 22 hours pw childcare for £250 per month. What happens in school holidays does she have them for the whole day? Have a look at the prices for holiday clubs they can be £100s per week for 2 children.
I'd work out the costs of Breakfast and after school including your time dropping off and collecting, and take a view from there.

Such entitlement, childcare bills are part and parcel of having young children. No one likes it but it sounds like you're getting a good deal.

Does your husband think your utilities should be provided free too? What about other services? Or does he just thinks family members should be bullied into working for you free of charge?

I thought it was illegal to pay someone to look after children in their home (rather than the child's home) for more than 2 hours per day unless they are registered as a childminder.

So as long as granny is doing this care in the child's home, it is legal to pay her (subject to tax/NI etc, which I think the parents would be responsible for as granny would be an employee (ie. a nanny). If the care is happening at Granny's house, then she needs to be registered as a childminder (and still pay tax/NI etc as necessary).

"it would cost the same to send them to breakfast/ after school club."

So how is that a great deal? It also means it doesn't matter if she turns around and stops the care... If you are struggling for money, then talk to your mother, especially if this was the price you agreed for more care.

Would your dh prefer it if you broke it down to an hourly rate (I know loads of people who think childcare is extortionate till you do this and then they say well I wouldn't work for x an hour and realise it's actually quite cheap). So you have about 18 hrs childcare a week at £3.50 an hour - which doesn't seem a lot at all. Would paying weekly at those rates seem more palatable?

Are there any alternatives you can think of which may be cheaper? If you are struggling would it be cheaper not to work? (It is for me sadly)

If you break it down to hourly, for the youngest you should also include the time between nursery drop off and pick up as realistically she can do very very little in such a small gap.

Then theres cost of meals - CMs can charge extra for lunches and dinners (£1/£2 a meal).

Really think? Is that usual? No one I know pays their cm for the hours in the middle of the day when the DC are at school. The would make it very hard for people if that is the norm I think.

Unless my maths is wrong, you're getting childcare for under £3 an hour?

That is cheap!

I happily pay £5 an hour for term time only before and after school care to my lovely cm and thought I had a good deal!

Yabu and your husband very ungracious of the fact that your dm is giving up her time to care for your dc. She couldn't get a job to fit around your needs for childcare.
You have a good deal as far as I see. If your dc went to a childminder they wouldn't receive such quality time with lots of other dc to take care of and needs to meet.
The dc that finishes at 12 will soon start school full time, maybe then is the time to talk about a reduction. I'd wait, she is doing you a favor at the end of the day.