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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think that being beautiful is a disadvantaged

87 replies

Starbucksguardian · 06/12/2014 16:51

Was watching the 10 hrs walking in nyc as women video and it got me thinking being beautiful Is actually a disadvantage. If you are male or female your more likely to be disliked (jealousy). Also people are more likely to want to put you into situations were you are pressured into having sex.

OP posts:
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 06/12/2014 20:01

Disagree - there are disadvantages but way more advantages.

MrsDeVere · 06/12/2014 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bulbasaur · 06/12/2014 20:15

Beauty is good, personality is better. You can get by with average looks and a charming personality and have many doors open.

When I dress up and do make up right, I can turn quite a few heads. But it doesn't really get me anything more than people being a bit friendlier to me, men and women alike. It's not like there's a huge disparity between ugly and pretty people, but being relatively good looking and charming does open up a lot of networking opportunities. However, I've seen some successful people that are ugly as slugs, because substance and skill will always beat out a pretty, but useless person.

LaQueenOfWinter · 06/12/2014 20:26

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areyoubeingserviced · 06/12/2014 20:29

Beauty and brains are not mutually exclusive .
I know many beautiful and smart women.

Tinks42 · 06/12/2014 20:34

Ive never found it Grin

Joking aside, it's the opposite i think. Theyre far more likely to be chosen when interviewing for a job. Theyre far more popular at school and the list goes on.

The only drawback maybe with themselves as they get older and try to cling to their looks?

LaQueenOfWinter · 06/12/2014 20:35

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JohnFarleysRuskin · 06/12/2014 20:39

Like others, I'm staggered that was the message that you took from the video...

I disagree with your theory too. Being beautiful is an advantage in life. Of course it doesn't mean you will be more happy, successful etc, but it is an advantage, yes.

Laquitar · 06/12/2014 20:45

TInks
i was about to say this too.
I am in my 50s so i have many friends who are struggling to accept ageing. This is more teue with certain types of beauty.

FrancesNiadova · 06/12/2014 20:51

YANBU, for some reason, beautiful women are stereotyped as being thick & easy.
If a woman is intelligent, she is stereotyped as being ugly & boorish.
It's just another way of putting women in a box & keeping them down.

BeyondRepair · 06/12/2014 20:52

I have been both, and life was much easier being attractive, much easier, I am shy and people made more of an effort to talk to me and be friendly.

I wish I could get my looks back now they are loooong gone and do it over again, but as they say - youth is wasted on the young....

JohnFarleysRuskin · 06/12/2014 20:52

So you think being intelligent is not an advantage either Francis?

Hatespiders · 06/12/2014 20:53

I just watched the video; isn't it fascinating? She was most careful to keep looking straight ahead and not engage, so she hadn't encouraged anyone at all. It was mortifying to see just how many men felt the need to speak, whistle, hassle and accost her. Quite scary. But (sorry, this might sound bitchy, but it's not meant to be) she was only average, not beautiful imo. And her clothes were deliberately sombre, black and low-key. I think it was the fact she was alone that made the men feel (wrongly) entitled to say things.
I think nowadays people are very image-conscious, so being beautiful would initially be an advantage, But over time, good character will win. Many beautiful celebrities have been cheated on/dumped. And many not-so-attractive folk (like me!) end up very happily married and content.

FrancesNiadova · 06/12/2014 22:08

No John, I didn't say anything like that! Confused
I don't like the way that women are categorised. If a woman is beautiful and intelligent, some sections of society can't seem to cope with it.
For women who meet/live with this type of discrimination, it could be a disadvantage. However, in the 21st Century we must never allow a person's looks or intellectual ability to be a disadvantage. I thought that the OP was expressing their frustration with some sections of society that might do this.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 06/12/2014 22:10

Oh I absolutely agree about how people are stereotyped..I just still think overall, despite the stereotypes, beauty and intelligence are good things.

FrancesNiadova · 06/12/2014 22:13

Oh good, then we agree! Xmas Wink

whitesandstorm · 06/12/2014 22:14

Beyondrepair.... I know what you mean. I was the same, I too was grateful for my looks, it made up for my shyness. If I hadn't had the looks I don't think people would have made the effort. As you get older I think you lose your relevance, people just don't bother making the effort as much. Quite sad really.

DoubleValiumLattePlease · 06/12/2014 22:16

Vitalstatistix I think I might love you! I'd rather have a face like a dropped pie any day of the week - which is just as well really Grin - but I won't be weeping for the beautiful people and their long list of troubles any time soon! We've all got our own sets of worries haven't we? Give me intelligence and emotional integrity any day of the week. I hate to think I'd judge someone on their appearance alone - that, in my opinion, is the sign of a very empty person.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 06/12/2014 22:23

We do- our beauty and intelligence will overcome all obstacles!

FrancesNiadova · 06/12/2014 22:46

DOUBLEVALIUM, the trouble is that too many people do just look at the cover & write women off on the basis of their cursory observation.
I used to be tall, slim & not too painful on the eye, (modest too Grin). I was written off as a dumb blonde many times by ignorant people, but I have A's at A level, a 2:1 honours degree & 2 postgrad qualifications.
Now, I'm in my mid 40's & disabled. I need crutches or a walking stick to get about. (There is a world of difference between crutches & a walking stick btw. Crutches mean that you have had an accident & will get better. A walking stick means that you have lost your mind & are an old woman = burden to society; to be treated with disdain or indifference.) The ironic thing is, that on a good day, I can just use a stick for balance, but on a bad day I need the crutches to support my weight instead of putting it through my leg.Blush
I'm sick of being pushed out of the way, tutted at from behind, queue-jumped at the till or spoken to & written off as an individual with anything worthwhile to contribute, with the speaker's head on one side & a patronising smirk on their face, "Blesss".
I've seen both sides of the coin now & I really do believe that it's just society's traditional way of keeping women down.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 06/12/2014 22:52

I know a woman who is jaw droppingly stunning she is a model. The unpleasantness she deals with is shocking. Most recently a promotional photo was put on a web page (nothing to do with her as a person it was just a random thing) and hundreds of people ripped her perceived personality to shreds it was vile.

I'm pretty sure that was not an advantage to her

EddieStobbart · 09/12/2014 00:14

Needs, I appreciate what you are saying and the fact your friend was abused us terrible. However, you state she is a model therefore she is gaining some benefit from her beauty.

123Jump · 09/12/2014 04:23

One of my best friends is beautiful. No kids, good job, own house & car. Really looks after herself, gym and always polished looking. Also the sweetest and nicest person.
She is single the last 5 years after the end of a 13 year relationship.
Her looks are definitely an advantage in some ways. Always invited in to VIP areas, amazing parties, etc. when we go out guys are falling over themselves for her...a plumber doing work in her house, the car mechanic....all phoning her up to see if it's fixed, happy to call out on a Sunday for free etc...
But really they all just want to shag her. Which never happens as she needs to really know someone well to sleep with them, be dating for a few months. It is horrible.
And when we worked together people bitched about her so much. Pure jealousy.
Not sure I would want to be really good looking. I think average is safer.

123Jump · 09/12/2014 04:23

I meant to say that really these guys view her as a piece of meat. Not a person.