To get DS (15) to pay for his own dental treatment?

[InteriorsMum]

DS has particularly bad teeth, overcrowding and overbite. We've just had our first appt at the Orthodontist who has gone through the treatment available on the NHS vs treatment available privately. On the way to the orthodontist DS said the worst case scenario for him would be if he had to have teeth removed.

The NHS treatment involves four tooth extractions and then braces to bring all back into line. This will result in a slight smaller jaw as everything will contract. The private treatment involves no extractions, just braces that widen his jaw to fit everything in. I favour the private treatment as will give him a wider smile and would provide the better outcome.

However, I don't have the 3.5k to pay for it. DS does though, he and his Sister lost their Dad about 5 years ago and as we were divorced they inherited everything. They don't know there is money coming to them as I didn't/don't want them growing up thinking they don't need to work for anything as they will get a nice wad of money when they hit 18. They do however know about a small pension fund which they have also inherited as it is payable to them shortly, they've never known the value of it but its not more than 6k each, they think this is all there is, I've always hinted it should be used to buy a car.

On the way home I told DS that I didn't have the money for the private treatment but if he had 3.5k would he choose to pay for it himself given the choice. He um'd and ah'd so I reminded him about his small pension fund and that it would be circa 6k, would he think of using this for the treatment? He said he would if he could still afford a car after paying for the dental treatment.

So I think he may well say yes I'll pay for it myself but I'm feeling incredibly guilty about making him pay for his own treatment. I do have a rainy day fund for seriously rainy days which I could break into but this isn't a rainy day scenario.

AIBU for making him pay for it?

Re- sedation, I had those 8 pulled, all 4 wisdom teeth removed at once, and root canals on my front teeth after breaking them in a fall. No sedation. Though, I was pregnant when I had the wisdoms removed so they wouldn't sedate me.

I do wish I could have gone through with it. Would have saved me 5 grand having my work done on the NHS after all.

We are now on our third dc having NHS orthodontic treatment, ds2 currently having treatment for crowding and severe misalignment but no extractions.

Ds1 had crowding and overbite, so 4 extractions, a removable brace first then train tracks. Our own dentist removed 2 teeth at a time a couple of weeks apart then the orthodontist followed with braces once healed.

Dd2 had an overbite and various other problems. She had a removeable first, then blocks, then train tracks. She did so well.

They both have beautiful teeth now and hopefully ds2 will get a good result too. Obviously I'm no expert, but I would struggle to understand how they could be better by paying £3500.

I also think you should get a second opinion on whether the private treatment will actually give the better result and be worth the cost.

I am a dentist in Scotland we do intravenous sedation in practice but only on healthy adults, here it would not be a problem to get sedation on NHS for child 6 weeks wait maybe, however I am more inclined towards extractions from what you said but I'm not an orthodontist. There does seem to be a body of research pointing towards avoiding extraction where possible, rather than being first choice though jury still out it can not be dismissed as research, l think extractions for orthodontics will decrease over coming years.

From inheritance point of view most wills allow funds to be used for education/medical so trustees may deem private education or dentistry an appropriate use of funds and I am sure most courts would agree, I would investigate further but if the private route is best go for it. If spent with trustees approval and appropriately there is no reason to pay it back, if his father had been alive and paid for it there wouldhave a be been less to inherit. If one child needed orthodontics I would not feel a second child that did not need the treatment should have similar money spent on them, it is a need not a want like horse riding or equivalent for both.

YANBU. The money is there, he wants to have the treatment. He has more money to come in the future. It's a no brainer imo.

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Use the money. Crap teeth last a lifetime. A £3.5K car won't.

YANBU

Sounds utterly sensible to me. He needs the treatment. You can't afford the £3.5K, he can. It's his own money being spent on him, no need to feel guilty.

Yanbu. Sorting his teeth is a very sensible spend of his money. Always keep teeth if you can. Sometimes they simply won't fit but if it can be done without pushing the teeth beyond the limits of the gums then this is usually the best aesthetic result.

Thank you everyone, will definitely being seeking at least one more orthodontist opinion. I am pro the private treatment as it stretches the jaw giving a wider smile and he has a very narrow jaw at present. A wider jaw will give him a More pleasing face shape whereas I am worried the extractions will just cause his jaw to narrow further. What I am unsure of at present is why the jaw stretching treatment is not available on the Nhs and only the extraction scenario was mentioned so I'm this will be my first question to the orthodontist who gives the second opinion. DS has told me tonight he would like to go for the private treatment option by paying for it himself out of his pension inheritance so at least I know he is prepared to do that!

I think it's absolutely fine. He's 15 not 5. He has the money, you don't.

I had teeth pulled about seven years ago when I was 14 to make room. 4 in total, didn't need braces afterall, it was fine. They'd always told me I would need them, definitely definitely. So OTOH I doubt the NHS option is bad either. In fact as a free option I think it's probably very good, so it's not like he's being forced to spend any money.

YANBU to offer him the choice.

Oh and my teeth are fine now, nice and straight, not braces-wow amazing but I'm happy :)

Haven't read the thread, so I may just be repeating. My daughter has beautiful teeth, she had a palate expander and no extractions. (cost $7500- money well spent) I just had a quick look at the Damon system, I think it depends on the dentist NOT the system, therefore you may be able to get similar results without the hefty price tag IYSWIM. I think that as a previous poster said, if his dad was still alive he may have paid, so I see nothing wrong with using the money. Don't make him use the £6000 though, he has known about that. Use the other, if it is enough to buy a house in the south east, 3 grand won't be missed.

My son had nhs braces and four teeth removed when he was 11 (he was well in to puberty then and was a big child). This was under general anesthetic as two were not even erupted. He had his braces off age 13 and his teeth are perfect and has a wide smile. His wisdom teeth are coming through now and i guess theres space for them. He still wears his retainers at night. We didn't even consider private even though we could of paid. The nhs treatment and after care were outstanding!