To get DS (15) to pay for his own dental treatment?

[InteriorsMum]

DS has particularly bad teeth, overcrowding and overbite. We've just had our first appt at the Orthodontist who has gone through the treatment available on the NHS vs treatment available privately. On the way to the orthodontist DS said the worst case scenario for him would be if he had to have teeth removed.

The NHS treatment involves four tooth extractions and then braces to bring all back into line. This will result in a slight smaller jaw as everything will contract. The private treatment involves no extractions, just braces that widen his jaw to fit everything in. I favour the private treatment as will give him a wider smile and would provide the better outcome.

However, I don't have the 3.5k to pay for it. DS does though, he and his Sister lost their Dad about 5 years ago and as we were divorced they inherited everything. They don't know there is money coming to them as I didn't/don't want them growing up thinking they don't need to work for anything as they will get a nice wad of money when they hit 18. They do however know about a small pension fund which they have also inherited as it is payable to them shortly, they've never known the value of it but its not more than 6k each, they think this is all there is, I've always hinted it should be used to buy a car.

On the way home I told DS that I didn't have the money for the private treatment but if he had 3.5k would he choose to pay for it himself given the choice. He um'd and ah'd so I reminded him about his small pension fund and that it would be circa 6k, would he think of using this for the treatment? He said he would if he could still afford a car after paying for the dental treatment.

So I think he may well say yes I'll pay for it myself but I'm feeling incredibly guilty about making him pay for his own treatment. I do have a rainy day fund for seriously rainy days which I could break into but this isn't a rainy day scenario.

AIBU for making him pay for it?

I am in Ireland and had terrible overcrowding with my front teeth (the teeth between the main front ones and the canines) turned sideways. I had 4 extractions, 2 on bottom and 2 on top. I had a palate brace with a screw thing in it that had to be turned twice a day to widen my upper jaw to make room for the teeth to straighten out. This was all done on the HSE and had very good results. Id get a second opinion about which option is better.

In terms of spending the money, if you cant afford it and he can then he has the option of choosing what treatment he gets. I would probably tell him he will be getting more money in the future so that he doesnt base his decision on him only getting 6,000. I dont see it as something to feel guilty about.

Yanbu, 3.4k is a lot of money if your broke. He knows about the fund, and you have given him the choice.

My son went through the jaw stretching thing and it is hideous - he had a horrible plastic block in his mouth for a year, couldn't eat with it in plus he lisped. I honestly wish in hindsight he had gone through the extraction route - over in 1-2 days then just standard braces.
I would get more info from the dentist - ask him to show your son the stretching blocks he will have to wear. Might change his mind.

why don't you just say that theer is a bit more to come after the pension pot, which would cover the dentistry.

Wow, what a mixed response :) thanks all for taking the time

Mac - yes and yes, we're talking enough to purchase a small ridiculously tiny house in south east. I like your thinking, out of my two children he is the "spender"

Caffe and Secret - think you may be right, will look for a second opinion.

Sn00p did your friend have extractions or the "widen the jaw to fit it all in" treatment do you know?

Irian the two offer different ways of aligning the teeth, the NHS way is to remove excess and then re-align the teeth which would give him a sightly smaller jaw. The private way widens the jaw to fit all the teeth in whilst aligning them so they end up with a wider jaw and smile.

You are right m0ther and I would not dream of spending any of their inheritance, I actually spend quote a bit of time making sure it is in the right place accruing the most interest that it can. I see this as him spending some of his inheritance on himself.

limey are your children having the damon system for their treatment?

YABU. He's 15! Sort out a way to pay to fix his teeth.

Can I just point out although I had straightening. I did not have the jaw stretching your DS will have.

We faced a similar issue with our son, NHS wanted to remove teeth and break jaw, private option could avoid either of those things. We paid for the private option and the outcome for him has been amazing.

As you haven't told the children about their inheritance I'm assuming the money is held in trust by the executors. You have several options:

1. Accept NHS option and incur no charges
2. Apply to the executors to release the money to cover the treatment
3. Apply to the pension fund to release the money for the treatment. As your son is still a minor he still can't inherit the money so you or the executors have to act on his behalf.

Middle DD2's orthodontics consultant was very discouraging about the block system, and recommended extraction and braces. It wasn't a question of cost, although she qualified for NHS treatment, her father was planning on paying for it.

What is the deal with the rest of their inheritance? Who is the trustee?
If myself and my DH die our wills are written so that the money is in trust until our girls are 25, but the trustees have a lot of freedom in releasing funds early for the good of the girls. Dental treatment would definitely be acceptable.

I disagree with borrow and replace. If his Dad were still alive, the (now) inheritance would be being used to pay for private. Either at 18 there will be a good amount 50k+ in which case he should be encouraged to spend some on his teeth, or it will be considerably less, in which case you need a discussion.

Can you get a second nhs opinion ? ds is having the treatment you describe as being offered for 3.5k on NHS.

I think you should borrow the money and pay it back in instalments otherwise won't his sibling end up with more money.

I know a family who went through the same and the mum told the children of their future inheritance. I met her recently and she said she wished she hadn't as the eldest became lazy and didn't care for the reasons you mentioned above.
Just in case you needed confirmation.

I think it can go both ways. I have relatives who lost their mother young at about 13 - they knew they had money coming but when the time came both invested in property rather than spending. OP you know your child.

You could always have the extraction privately if that's why he's worried ?

I am sure his dad would rather the money be spent now on necessities when treatment is needed. If he was alive he would hopefully have been contributing anyway.

Orthodontics seem very complicated. My dd has massive overcrowding and a recessed lower jaw - don't know if that latter detail is significant, but she was offered either to have her jaw brought forward and widened or to go for extractions - but both were offered on the NHS. I asked which method was preferable and was told by two different orthodontists that the jaw manipulation was the preferable option so that is what we are currently one year into doing.

I too would be seeking a second opinion.

That said, I think your son should be told it would be a sensible use of his money to spend £3.5K on getting his teeth sorted. He might not even want a car later on, or he might buy one and write it off within weeks. Plenty of kids have to work hard to earn the money to buy their first car. Really, spending the 'car' money on his teeth is no bad thing. I am curious though - can he get his hands on this money in time to pay for the treatment?

Absolutely agree with you OP. Fixing his teeth at this point in time (before he grows any older) is much more important than any future car and if he has the money but you don't, then it is in his interest to spend this money for something useful and that will have a lifetime effect.
I would show him a before and after of someone having similar treatment for him to see the difference.

My DS had overcrowding and needed extractions by our own dentist before braces were fitted by the orthodontist. All by the NHS and he has a perfect set of teeth and smile. If I were in your situation I wouldn't have given him the option of funding it himself, he's 15 and your child.

I'm not sure what the "block thing" is being mentioned, this isn't part of the treatment being offered to us, it's literally a different type of brace that's all. The same orthodontist would do the work no matter which route we took, he just gave us the options available to us. I think I will definitely get a second opinion and check out the Damon System a bit more (that's the name of the private treatment).

Thank you apotato I have one child who will spend everything he has on rubbish. He thinks he is too young to get a part time job i have warned him that once he is through his exams next summer and has left school he will be getting a part time job and his pocket money will be stopped permanently. The other saves like crazy for what she wants (aged 14) and doesn't particularly like spending her own money although she will happily spend mine! She is desparate for a job but hasn't been able to find one yet that will take her at her age. So whilst one would be ok with being told about inheritance I don't think it's a good idea for the other one to know. I have spent the last 5 years desparately trying to drum into them the value of money to prepare them.

I am the executor along with their Dad's Mum so we have complete access to the money so thats not an issue. The majority of the money is currently held in trust and most of it is tied up in investment trusts so the plan is to "persuade" them to leave it there until they are ready to purchase a house but of course when they turn 18 they will have complete control of it...

Their Dad always went on about how he had to have a lot of orthodontist work done as a teenager and how much he hated it so I have no idea what he take would be on this decision really.

I've had private treatment from a world specialist and I've had nhs dental care. The private dental treatment will be amazingly different, as with anything to do with health get the best you can afford. Long term your DS teeth are an investment. Having teeth removed changes the shape of your whole face, I would not be wanting to choose an option that he may in later life regret.

Although he is only 15, he is in a financial position to pay for it. Use the money. It is not as if you are blowing it on something frivolous and to be honest he may regret it in the future if it isn't done. You have done the right thing by offering him the option though.

The NHS treatment is what he would HAVE to have if he did not have this small amount of inheritance coming early. You have not failed in any way, most people can't afford private dental for their children. If he chooses not to get it done, or it is not satisfactory when it was done, he could be looking at spending even more money in the future trying to pay for it as an adult. For a lot of people this is their only option, I had to have mine done as an adult when I could pay for it myself, yet at 15 even if I had had the money I may have needed a push to spend it on my teeth as I had different priorities then.

Interiors - may I pm you?

If he wants the private option (and I agree get a 2nd opinion especially as extractions are really nothing to fear), as you can't afford it, I think it's fine that he pays for it. I like the option of saying that he'll be getting a bit more money when he's older which would cover it.

As a parent though, is there anything you could contribute to it? Even if it was only £50 here and there throughout the treatment?

ds has twin block braces which is a mould that clips on and brings the lower jaw into alignment with top and will now stretch his upper arch to give more room plus he has upper train tracks to straighten. In a few months' time he loses the twin block and has train tracks top and bottom.