AIBU to ask for your best examples of times when the customer most definitely hasn't been right? (Lighthearted).

[KitKat1985]

Just that really. During my student days I did a number of crappy customer service jobs to enable me to afford to study (supermarkets, cafes, that type of thing). Now although most members of public are fine, there were definitely some who were ridiculously difficult, or would come up with the most stupid complaints. I was recently reminded of a incident when I was working in a café and we had a special of the day of four cheese pasta, which was under display under the hotplate. A customer ordered a portion which was served to her and she went to eat it at a table. A couple of minutes later she came back to the counter to complain about it. When asked by the manager what was wrong with it she said it was "too cheesy". What would you expect from a four cheese pasta?

Anyway, since it's cold and I can't be bothered to go out, I thought I'd ask the good people of Mumsnet if you had any more funny examples of times when the customer most definitely hasn't been right to help cheer up my cold afternoon with a slightly grumpy teething baby.

A family came into the bank with their chips, sat at the table in the banking hall, shoved the pens on chains to one side and ate their chippy dinner.

They weren't even customers.

This reminds me of a story a friend of mine told me, she works as a trainer in a large company. One trainee in a bunch of new recruits went out to a nearby chip shop at lunch time and was happily heading back into the training room, to eat it!

There was a seating area in the chip shop AND a dining area in the training centre, where people could bring in their own food, have coffee breaks etc. She was amazed when my friend intervened- not wanting to spend the afternoon smelling the chipper dinner in the training room - and sent her to the dining area instead.

I worked for a large well known Swedish retailer for years. We've had customers who have wanted to buy fixtures (Well, just tell me how much you want for it then, I'm happy to pay etc), customers who have insisted that they have seen something in the Rotherham Store (which doesn't exist, but hey, it must be me who was stupid, not them!) and possibly the best one...(this might out me!)

Got a call from customer services to say that a gentleman wanted a full refund on a kitchen he had purchased. He was still waiting for two small parts (think kickboard piece) and had had enough. Went down to see him and had a full conversation about how in reality, surely he would be better just waiting for the small pieces, which obviously I would chase up for him. But no, he insisted he wanted a full refund.

Then he said he had the kitchen with him! So, I thought, fine, whatever. Asked him for his receipt, which he produced. Worked out it would be about 4 trolleys worth and sent two lads out to his van with said 4 trolleys.

Then got another phone call. He had indeed brought his full kitchen with him. The whole thing BUILT in the back of two vans. Which he had hired to bring it back (and now wanted the cost of van hire refunded too). The fact he had opened, built, installed the kitchen and now effectively owned it, he was oblivious to! My face was a picture!

I had one the other day. Regular customer said he wants to make a complaint about the Chelsea bun he bought the previous day. It was too sticky...he ranted for about 5 minutes about it's stickiness and how inconvenient it was to eat it whilst driving, his steering wheel was sticky etc. I listened then offered him head office phone number. I then ask what he would like today...a Chelsea bun he says, just to see how sticky it is today.

Buns can never be too sticky Blue.

I worked at directory inquiries for a few months about twenty years ago...lots of ridiculous customers (a lot assumed that you were in the same town as them and knew the name of the pizza shop on the corner etc). The one that I still remember was an obnoxious woman who wanted a number in Preston. I asked her which county it was in - so she went off on a rant about how stupid I was not knowing what county it was in. I then pointed out just how many places were called Preston in the UK and...it turned out she didn't know the county...I then suggested the one in Lancashire ;)

I work in a supermarket and had a woman trying to return goods from another supermarket to us. They were the other supermarkets own brand range and it clearly had the name on.

I was on the till yesterday evening and was happily scanning a customers items and as I scanned an item I said that it was a BOGOF item if he wanted to pick up another one and I was promptly told to fuck off. I stopped the belt and rang for my manager who told the customer to leave. He kicked up such a fuss the police were called.

I know Sparkling, I think he was just after a free bun!

MidniteScribbler, your friend is just rude.
I'm all for ways to wind up customers who have been rude (I used to keep my Scottish notes in reserve for the rude ones!) but she shouldn't be winding people up because she's bored.

So when I was a student I worked in a well known high street store, a customer came in looking to return a pair of trousers. I put my hand inside to get the washing label - with details on & the crotch was covered in dry, crusty blood. & I mean all over the crotch, it was clearly period explosion of some sort.

Apparently It was me that was unreasonable for not returning her trousers!

But check out my violence at work thread for another dickhead customer!

That's proper grim kate.

Then got another phone call. He had indeed brought his full kitchen with him. The whole thing BUILT in the back of two vans. Which he had hired to bring it back (and now wanted the cost of van hire refunded too). The fact he had opened, built, installed the kitchen and now effectively owned it, he was oblivious to! My face was a picture!

Fairy please tell me what happened next!

Fairy did he get the refund! Please continue!

I know this is a lighthearted thread but I'm feeling defensive and churlish. Why are these jobs 'crappy' with everyone falling over themselves to explain 'it was only whilst I was at Uni' or 'it was temporary, only because..'

Like you have to have some valid excuse for being in retail/hospitality/customer service, because god forbid, it was actually your real job because no-one does it as a real career do they?

Or maybe I am just being a miserable shit because my feet hurt after enduring a 10 hour shift with some of the most unpleasant creatures on the planet and should just get the fuck over myself and enjoy the thread. Which I am laughing at btw, despite my bitterness

yeah, just read my post back. I'm being a twunt. Will go pour myself

My pet hate is the customers who watch these shows that encourage you to haggle in every shop you go to. Its not a market, it's a shop, we don't discount the given prices, even if yot do have lots of wealthy friends,/will flame us on social media/try and intimidate us.... And breath.

My favourite was an older lady who brought back an electrical item. Apparently when it was plugged in it got very hot and kind of smoked...
It was a steam iron. I plugged it in to check there was nothing actually wrong with it, it got hot (as it should!) and worked perfectly so she agreed to take it home and try it again.

Or the man who spent 30 minutes of a very busy Sunday morning asking my advice about laxatives. They were the own brand of the shop I was working in, but he had bought them a few weeks ago and brought them back in for advice. I just read the leaflet to him. He stated, very loudly and in front of a queue, "So I take one of these at night and I'm guaranteed a poo in the morning?!"
A few weeks later he came back and bought a few bags of onions because his friend had told him that they keep you 'regular'.

Combine just to clarify what I meant in my original post, I meant that the jobs I did personally were 'crappy' in that I was the part-time skivvy. It wasn't a dig at people who work in customer service or defining their jobs as crappy in general. Indeed I think customer service is one of the most difficult and challenging environments to work in, not to mention grossly underpaid.

Very first job. Guy asked to speak to manager, he was very unhappy. He had ordered lasagne and it came with garlic bread & a crisp salad. He was unhappy because there was not a single crisp with his dinner... Only lettuce, tomato etc

I had to deal with a new kind of stupid tonight. This man thought he knew the menu of the shop I work in better than I did...

Customer: I'd like to order the fish supper please.
Me: I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number, you've rang X takeaway.
Customer; Yes, that's right. I'll have the fish supper.
Me: We serve chinese food.
Customer: I know that. I want the fish supper off the english dishes.
Me: We don't do fish. Our english dishes are
Customer: I'm looking on your Just Eat menu as we speak. I want the fish supper. It's number 2 in your menu.
Me: Number 2 in our menu is sirloin steak with mushrooms and we're not on Just Eat. I'm sorry you have the wrong shop. This X chinese takeaway, in Y town. We've never been on Just Eat.
Customer: Are you new? I can guarantee that you do fish, I ordered last saturday from you. Go and ask your manager.
Me: No, I've been here 6 and half years. I can guarantee that we've never served fish, I was working last saturday. I did not sell any fish. You have the wrong shop. The manager is not in right now, but if you leave your number I can get him to ring you when he gets back.
Customer: Who is in charge now? I'll speak to them.
Me: that would be me.
Customer: No, you're only new. I want to speak to someone who knows the menu.

I eventually convinced him to wait for the shop owner to call him back, (upon which he promised he'd have me sacked for incompetence, after all all I needed to do was read the menu or press number 2 on the till) . After negotiating with the shop owner for 20 minutes, it turns out he was over 50 miles way from us and trying to ring a shop with a similar name to ours. He dialed our area code to get through to us. Both the manager and I gave him the full name and address of the shop. Twice.

He didn't apologise.

I didn't get fired

Combine - my friend (who worked in the expensive clothes shop) loved her job. The owner loved her and thought she was awesome at her job. She was quite well paid. She didn't much like death threats though.

On a legal advice helpline.
In light of a decision from the Supreme Court that clarified a certain process in law, solicitor phoned in aware that she had not carried the required steps.

Fair enough, although sad for her client.

But the solicitor wanted to be told that it would be okay for her to lie in supporting documentation because she didn't want her failure to act correctly exposed.

the position in law was clarified to her and she was not at all pleased!

I used to work in a well known bookstore and I once answered the phone to a teacher and had a chat about World Book Day tokens explaining to her it was something like maximum of 10 books we could put aside for her, I forget the actual figure. Anyway we had a pleasant chat about it. Then on the day itself she rang and spoke to a manager and told him I'd said I'd put 250 of the books or tokens aside for her and she wanted to arrange collection. What a liar! My manager thought it was unlikely so double checked with me. When he next spoke to the customer he said that I'd been incorrect to say that and he was sorry he was unable to honour what I'd said. She was all "but she said I could" so my manager said "well the member of staff has been let go, it was the final straw. It was a shame to do so with her dad being so poorly and with her fella being made redundant the other week and the baby on the way but we can't have staff making promises we can't keep..."
Apparently she just said "oh" grrrr....

Not the public, but a customer story nevertheless. My team book travel for colleagues. Colleague emailed that she needed to fly to A, travel on to B and wanted to stay in hotel C. Hotel C is a chain, with no hotels in B, but 2 hotels in A. My team member booked her into the one which was closest to B. All bookings were made and details forwarded to colleague, 4 days before she travelled.

On the first evening she was away, she sent me an irate email complaining that she had been booked into the wrong hotel: it was too far away, it would make her late for her meeting and bring shame on the entire organisation.

The hotel she wanted to stay in was in town D - which she had not mentioned!!

I work in an Opticians and yesterday while cleaning the frames I noticed the black plastic pair on top of the stand had glistening wet arms. We'd had a leak through the ceiling from the upstairs flat before so I was scanning the ceiling and as I went to wipe the arms dry I realised it wasn't water.. it was grease. From someone's head. [boak]

There is also an alarming number of people who really need to wear glasses but refuse to. We'll test them, they'll have a prescription that warrants daily wear, and they'll begrudgingly get a pair. They'll then come back in about a month complaining of headaches still. First question we ask is have you been wearing your glasses and the answer is nearly always "no". Well.. what do you want us to do?

This is more just a weird customer story but I ordered a piece of carrot cake at a new cafe recently. I love carrot cake but found it really moist inside to the point I don't think it was cooked properly.

As I went up to the till to complain another customer started loudly raving on about how fabulous the carrot cake was so when I returned my piece she offered to "take it off their hands". I had eaten a couple of forkfuls.
The worst bit was that the cafe worker agreed and let her have it. I was and felt queasy even when they offered a different cake to me.