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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to believe I live in the smallest most awkward world ever

23 replies

hydeparkhottie · 03/12/2014 12:23

Dh's family are not fond of me. I don't care enough because I only have to see them at super super important family events (like Christmas) and usually I sort out a XMas holiday so that I can avoid them around this time of year. However, I am finding myself too busy at work to organise time away at Xmas. Almost without a doubt it looks like I will be spending this Xmas with my Inlaws.

My Darling Sister has met a lovely guy just over a month ago at a social event. Ever since they met, he has made a 4 hour journey every weekend in an effort to see her and get to know her. This has been going on for 6 straight weeks now. So far, they are non exclusive because they are still getting to know each other.

This same guy, was supposed to be introduced to my SIL through mutual friends he shares with SIL. However, just over a month ago his mutual friends informed her that he had met another girl that he likes and is now no longer interested in meeting her right now. This is all according to SIL. SIL knew this guys name and what he looked like-(probably through facebook)-he did not know her name or what she looked like. This is according to SIL.

My DS took this guy as a date to a party that we were all invited to. SIL was also invited (we didn't realise she knew the same people). SIL took DS to the side to let her know that she was supposed to meet him, but he met DS on his own before their blind date ever happened. However, another nosy Inlaw has taken it upon herself to set this guy up with SIL because my sister and him are not exclusive.

AIBU to ask the three of them not to date all at the same time? Just because it will be awkward for me for the rest of my life. There isn't enough wine in the world to get through Christmas as it is, I definitely wont be able to get through it if Sister and Sister in Law date the same guy at the same time. It's just too eww for me and dh.

OP posts:

Waitingonasunnyday · 03/12/2014 12:26

Blimey. Why doesn't your sister just tell the guy she likes him and can they agree not to date other people?

You don't have to actually really book a real holiday to pretend that you are away at Christmas.....

Goingintohibernation · 03/12/2014 12:27

I think you need to keep well out of it. It sounds messy, but it is not your mess. They are all adults.

grocklebox · 03/12/2014 12:27

Its none of your business who dates who, really, and no-one will thank you for involving yourself.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 03/12/2014 12:29

Let them get on with it.

If your sister and this bloke have agreed they are not exclusive then they can both date whoever they like.

MetellaEstMater · 03/12/2014 12:30

Why would your SIL be interested in someone who is already dating your sister. I get that they're not exclusive but surely SIL sees the issue here and has some pride?

pictish · 03/12/2014 12:30

I agree - just back away from it with nothing-to-do-with-me hands. x

ZenNudist · 03/12/2014 12:31

Leave them to it. Getting involved will just make them annoyed at you as well as each other.

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 03/12/2014 12:31

So far, they are non exclusive because they are still getting to know each other

I've never understood this.

Original poster

hydeparkhottie · 03/12/2014 12:32

It's true, it's not my business. I feel like I can't mention it to anyone besides MN because I do come off as a weird wacky selfish control freak.

I just feel so uncomfortable about it all.

OP posts:

yongnian · 03/12/2014 12:36

Oh dear YANBU. That is both smallest world and awkwardest. You have, however, written about it amusingly, if that is any consolation.
Would you BU to ask them not to date at the same time? Yes, their choice, as they all know about the situation and are grown ups. Likely will go horribly wrong however, as you suspect and you will be splattered by some of the fall out. The guy does sound keen on your sister tho so may not want to date SIL at all...? Here's hoping.
Personally I would walk swiftly away and pretend I didn't know any of it was happening...head in the sand and all that. Won't help, but I'm not sure what else you can do. Sorry OP

youarekiddingme · 03/12/2014 12:38

I was expecting a different ending - when "DS took this guy to a party". I thought it was going to turn out your DSis was non exclusively dating a bisexual fella that was also dating her nephew and possibly could date their in-laws. and slightly disappointed your world isn't that small

However the general consensus of keep out of it is the best course if action IMO. Yiur sister needs to say exclusive if that's what she wants.

Waitingonasunnyday · 03/12/2014 12:39

I thought that too youarekiddingme, I was a bit disappointed when I re-read it.

Viviennemary · 03/12/2014 12:42

There's nothing much you can do. Let them get on with it. Your sister should say no dating other people or else it's over.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 03/12/2014 12:49

Just to add that while I'm all for seeing whoever they like while they're not exclusive... There's something rather unsavoury about the fact that he's gone to a party with your sister, copped a look at your SIL who he had previously decided he was no longer interested in meeting, and thought "ooohhh changed my mind, yeah, I'll give her a go too", knowing that you're all related.

ArcheryAnnie · 03/12/2014 12:56

Pretend you will be in Mexico on holiday for xmas, unplug the landline, only answer the mobile if you've put on mariarchi background music first, and spend the day with your DH on the sofa with a good meal and a bottle of wine.

Say LALALALALALALALALALA if any member of your family or inlaws ever tries to discuss awkward dating triangles with you.

MonstrousRatbag · 03/12/2014 13:03

Only one thing for it. You will have to be 'ill' this Christmas. I rather stay in bed at home and eat fudge than navigate that lot.

And why on earth is DH expecting you to spend time with people who make it clear they don't like you?

ProfYaffle · 03/12/2014 13:09

to believe I live in the smallest most awkward world ever

Waitingonasunnyday · 03/12/2014 13:13

ProfYaffle I LOVE THAT!

ProfYaffle · 03/12/2014 13:18

Fab isn't it? Polish saying apparently, I saw it on facebook.

Nelehwelly · 03/12/2014 13:26

"it will be awkward for me for the rest of my life"

Really?

A man you don't know met someone you know and now would prefer not to be set-up someone else you happen to know, and despite none of these decisions having involved you, it will be awkward for the rest of your life?

Everyone involved needs to grow up and stop bring silly drama queens.

Nelehwelly · 03/12/2014 13:37

*being

FollowTheStarship · 03/12/2014 13:37

The bloke in the middle of all this is an adult and can say no to any date he wants to say no to. He has already decided not to date SIL, why would he agree to date her after that? If he doesn't, then happy days. If he does, then ultimately he'll choose one of them. It's not your problem except in being there to support your sister if she gets upset by the situation.

I mean it's annoying and awkward, but peripheral to you. Will there bu DC around at Christmas? Focus on playing with any DC and helping them construct new toys etc and stay out of any dating dramas.

Or yes have a terrible cold and don't go, or go and retire to bed with a hot water bottle and dreadful headache. (and hidden wine, chocs and magazine :))

Original poster

hydeparkhottie · 03/12/2014 20:00

I'm over this weird love triangle.

Hopefully my sister has enough sense not to involve me in any drama. The guy wont because I'm not his sister. My sil obviously isn't in the picture; otherwise she would not have brought it up...and if she was in the picture she would have dumped him/my sister would have walked away. If I feel awkward about it, I'll just make fun of it.

Not my circus, not my monkeys--GREAT line!

As for Xmas--I'll just refuse to go. I'd rather not be upset this year.

OP posts:

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