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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move DS to his own room 'cause he's killing me!!!

24 replies

Leonardabloo · 03/12/2014 06:48

I'm a veeeery light sleeper and DS is an incredibly noisy sleeper, it's almost impossible for me to sleep with all the grunts, swallowing, gurgling, snoring, movements, random jerks, random gasps (literally some have made me jump they're that loud like he's gasping for air! He's fine though!) and the farting and straining in his sleep don't get me started! I need almost complete silence to actually fall asleep the only time I've fallen asleep with DS in his basket beside our bed is when I've basically collapsed from exhaustion, DH is a deep sleeper who can sleep through anything lucky bugger!

Problem is DS is only turning 7 weeks this Wednesday coming and I don't think I can stick the wait until six months...but as desperate as I am to sleep I'm terrified to move him into his own room (even with baby monitor!) because letting them room with you until they're six months helps prevent SIDS! Any other mommies have similar experiences or words of advice? Even tell me how unreasonable I'm being for considering it like my lovely frigging sister has!!

OP posts:

gamerchick · 03/12/2014 06:52

Could you maybe make a bit if a nest in another room and leave the baby with his dad? Best of both worlds.

TipseyTorvey · 03/12/2014 06:56

My first Ds was like this. Am amazes you've lasted so long! He went into the nursery next door at two weeks I was so desperate for sleep. He too snorted and snored like an old man and I couldn't sleep at all. We bought an angel breathing monitor and moved him into the cot so an alarm went off if he ever stopped breathing ( he didn't) and I started becoming same again. Second child clear very quietly so stayed in with me. You need sleep to survive and stay same is my view.

TipseyTorvey · 03/12/2014 06:57

Sane!! I mean, stupid phone

splendide · 03/12/2014 07:00

How many times a night did you have to go next door though Tipsey? That's what puts me off moving my very noisy baby - I'd have to go in to him 3/4 times a night, at the moment I just feed in bed.

MissWimpyDimple · 03/12/2014 07:05

I had to do it pretty early on too for the same reasons! In fact I moved to the nursery on a blow up bed for ages as I just didn't get myself together to actually move DD properly.

I had a monitor and yes, I did have to get up but I suppose the benefit was that to feed her I just got back into MY bed and then went back to the air bed when I put her down again.

To be honest I don't remember the logistics. But it worked!

Plateofcrumbs · 03/12/2014 07:08

Does anyone actually understand the causation behind this recommendation? There's a correlation between babies sleeping in a separate room and SIDS, but does anyone actually understand why?

I think YANBU to put him in his own room. SIDS guidance is just that, guidance. They're not rules. You have to make the decisions that work for your family that take take account of the guidance, but in some cases that may mean doing something different if the guidance doesn't work for you.

I couldn't follow the guidance with my DS as he simply wouldn't sleep in his own crib for the first couple of months - if we'd followed the guidance no-one would have slept which is not healthy for either of us.

Good luck!

DeffoJeffo · 03/12/2014 07:10

I could have written this 10 months ago! We were recently seeing the doctor about something unrelated and they asked if DS was a noisy sleeper, turns out he's got enormous tonsils! Anyway. We moved him out at about 6 weeks - I can still hear him snore/grunt through the walls but so much better! As PP said you can invest in an angel monitor of that helps! Realistically lots of people move babies out before 6 months as they outgrow their baskets and no space in the room for a cot.

TipseyTorvey · 03/12/2014 07:11

Rather like misswimpey, yes I had to haul self out of bed once or twice a night but when I got back to bed I slept solidly and as DH did the late feed 11-ish and DS got older I only got up once usually unless he was ill or something. I know a few of my friends thought I was a bit harsh but I was truly going mad through lack of sleep, you need to do what is good for your health too I think. Could you try it for a couple of nights and see how you feel?

icklekid · 03/12/2014 07:13

You need sleep and if you can't with ds in your room either he goes into nursery or you go into a spare room? Sleep depravation is awful and you need to be able to look after ds in the day

auntpetunia · 03/12/2014 07:14

Oh goodness you sound like me when DS now 16 was little. He went into his own room at 5 weeks and it was as better for everyone. We had a single bed in his room and Id take him in there to feed then sometimes we'd both fall asleep in the bed or Id put him in his cot and go back to my bed. Never did him any harm.

Bulbasaur · 03/12/2014 07:15

Mine's been sleeping in her own room from day one. She's happy, healthy, and still very much a mommy's girl.

The thing with SIDs is they don't know what causes it. It's very rare though.

PlateCrumbs I think it's because if you're in the room you'll just hear if the baby stops breathing or is struggling? Mine used to be so quiet I couldn't hear her breathing in the first place. Now she snores.

As it is, I just recently found out you shouldn't be letting babies sleep with pillows, cuddly toys, and blankets. Too late now. She won't sleep without them.

Do what works best for you.

Triliteral · 03/12/2014 07:18

I moved my DS1 out after about two nights and never even tried to have the other two in the same room with me. Is there any particular reason to believe that your baby is at increased risk of SIDs? If not, then I would say go for it. There are advantages later anyway as there is no difficulty trying to move them into their own room when they get too big to sleep in yours. It's a bit like the breastfeeding debate. One way might offer some slight advantages, but the huge majority of babies who never sleep with their parents and/or are bottle-fed will be just fine and will have no adverse effects whatsoever.

Zippidydoodah · 03/12/2014 07:19

It's to do with your breathing regulating theirs, poster who asked why they should stay in our room!

Move him as you need sleep, op, but get the breathing monitor for peace of mind? Or you sleep elsewhere and leave him in with his dad, as a pp suggested?

LegoLady95 · 03/12/2014 07:32

Can you wear earplugs? I am a light sleeper and wore them when baby was sleeping in room. They allowed me to drop off through baby's grunts but I still woke up to a cry.
Moved all 3 of them out at 3 months anyway as DH and I were disturbing them (he works shifts).

Allstoppedup · 03/12/2014 07:35

Like Zippidy said, the recommendation is because the baby being able to listen to parents breathing is supposed to help them regulate their own breathing.

If you feel confident enough and have a good baby monitor, go for it. If you find you get less sleep with getting up etc, you can always move your LO back!

TwentyTinyToes · 03/12/2014 07:38

The guidance is in place for a reason and personally I have kept both of mine in with me until about a year (and they still keep coming back!) You need to balance that risk and do what is best for your family, but for us that was no sleeping alone both daytime and night time until around 6 months.

fluffyraggies · 03/12/2014 07:50

I found it very hard sleeping properly with DD next to me till 6 months but i stuck it out. It was awkward toward the end having her napping downstairs (therefore not alone) too, but I stuck it out as i felt any minimising of risk of SIDS was worth it. It's a hard slog, night after night, but there is an end to it which you can count down to.

DD has been in her own room now for 4 months and sometimes i still miss having her right there next to me, but mainly i'm glad to be able to get a bit of deep sleep again.

For info. about monitors we got the angel care monitor when she went to her own room, and it's very good. We have only used it for audio, not movement, but when it's turned up to it's highest you can hear the babies tiniest sounds clearer than if they were right by you! On 'half setting' it's about right for hearing as much as you need during the night. ie. not every grunt and squeak, but an actual cry.

Givemecoffeeplease · 03/12/2014 07:59

You have to balance the SIDS risk with the risk of you being totally knackered and at more risk therefore of car accident/dropping coffee etc. I figured it would all square out and moved the baby into his own room. I wasn't capable of functioning as an adult, let alone a mother, on no sleep.

JunkBox · 03/12/2014 08:14

I moved all of mine into their own room by the age of 3 weeks for all the reasons you stated.
I too need complete silence but was being kept awake with every sound and movement throughout the night, as I was also kind of waiting to see if that snuffle is going to turn into an actual cry, it didn't most of the time but because I was on high alert, I just wasn't getting the much sleep I needed.

I could not function on so little sleep so by moving them so early saved my sanity.

ajandjjmum · 03/12/2014 08:17

My DC were in the nursery from the first night they were home - but we did have a pad that beeped every time they breathed - so if we woke we heard the beep, and knew they were fine.

I couldn't sleep with them in the room with me - you have my sympathy.

JunkBox · 03/12/2014 08:21

I also put them in their rooms for nap time after a few weeks old as well.

It just gives you that bit of breathing space during the day and you are not with your baby 24/7.
I do think that by putting them in their own rooms so early, helped with being so good at going to bed. Never any issues at bedtime, also I can count on one hand the number of times I co-slept with my dc's.....that wasn't encouraged (unless necessary) either as all 3 are fidgety sleepers/snorers (as am I) so would end up battling each other during the night with an elbow in the face or a boot in the leg!!!!

StrangeGlue · 03/12/2014 08:27

Do you have him right next to you? Would it help having him on your dh's side of the bed/end of the bed? I only suggest as you seem to not want to move him. If I've misread that and actually you're comfortable moving him then that might be best. Or could you go in the spare room and he stays with your dh?

KnackeredMuchly · 03/12/2014 08:49

Your breathing regulates theres and also any movement or noise you make stops them falling into too deep a sleep. I am sure all the SIDS recommendations are to stop them sleeping properly!

The idea of not being able to sleep when the baby sleeps is intolerable. I would definitely consider it

Could you buy ypurself a movement monitor for peace of mind? We had the angelcare one it was great.

Plateofcrumbs · 03/12/2014 08:55

Exactly givemeacoffee - exhausted mum probably presents a greater risk to baby than sleeping in his own room.

I've heard the 'your breathing helps there breathing' argument before, and have also heard people say that it isn't true. Maybe there's something in it, I suspect no-one can really know, it's not like anyone is going to do controlled experiments.

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