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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is not the best way for school to deal with child pooing on floor?

106 replies

TimelyNameChangey · 02/12/2014 21:13

I've changed my name as this could out me.

Last week in the email which is sent to all parents at my DC primary school, the HT added an attachment to "all parents of infant girls"

It was a letter outlinging the fact that a girl in the infants had been soiling the floors in the infant girls toilets.

It went on to say that the child must be very uncomfortable as there was a real mess in the loo..on the floor and in a cubicle and that the parent must be aware as their pants would be messy.

It asked that the parent come forward in confidence so the teacher could work with them and their child.

Today a paper letter came home in all infant girls bags saying it had happened again today and that the matter will be dealt with in confidence...that nobody will know it was them....they're concerned to find the child so that she can be helped.

I feel like this...if the child is making that much mess then why can't the child's teacher smell it!?

Poor kid. And to send a second letter out when the parent has not come forward after last weeks...isn't it going to make things worse for them? Won't they feel even more embarrassed?

This is a tiny village primary with a very "naice" intake. Perhaps they'r;e too ashamed or could they really not know? Isn't there some other way of the school dealing with this?

My DD and all the other infants know about this matter and of course they are speculating about who it is....I put a stop to that immediately by the way.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 02/12/2014 21:54

The problem is that most schools wouldn't want to use their TA staff stand guard outside the toilet all day until it happens again. Unless it is happening daily, they could be out of lessons for a few days.

I can only assume you think TAs have nothing better to do and don't form an integral part of the teaching and learning that happens in the class every day.

As an HLTA I do just as much work as I did when I was a teacher. My time in class is never idle. If I wasn't working with certain pupils then they would end up not getting things done. Their education needs would not be met sufficiently. This is the same in almost all of our classes.

I assume the school has addressed the children over this matter as a whole tbh - probably in class form time. I don't think it would be unreasonable to do so.

Also a record book of who leaves a class at what time and for how long - nightmare for wasting class time I know - but hopefully temporarily. And toilets checked at regularly intervals - such as once every 30 minutes or once an hour. They can then at least narrow down the search to anyone signed out of the room for that time slot.

Cauliflowersneeze1 · 02/12/2014 21:54

1fluffyjumper it's a small school with plenty of TA's .

They publicised something that could have been dealt with more discreetly

Have a little compassion .........

LindyHemming · 02/12/2014 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1FluffyJumper · 02/12/2014 21:57

More discreetly how? The kids will know. The poopers mum and dad will know that everyone knows whether the message was send by email or in a letter. It's not more 'discrete' if it's in a mass email.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/12/2014 21:58

I disagree that it should be dealt with discretely - they're not publicising it because it's icky or they don't want to clean up the mess - they're publicising it because it's very serious and could indicate deeper issues like phobia or even neglect.

The fact the parent hasn't come in is really serious to me and I wouldn't be surprised if there underlying issues of neglect.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 02/12/2014 21:58

Zee - it's pointless going to those lengths to get a letter to the parents. It will still be all around the school in no time at all.

zeezeek · 02/12/2014 21:58

Surely this is indicative of potentially wider issues in that child's life? Something that should, possibly, be a red flag to the school to investigate further? I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old and although they have had accidents and can't always wipe themselves properly, I think I would know if they were doing this at school - because, possibly, they could be doing it at home as well.

zeezeek · 02/12/2014 21:58

Surely this is indicative of potentially wider issues in that child's life? Something that should, possibly, be a red flag to the school to investigate further? I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old and although they have had accidents and can't always wipe themselves properly, I think I would know if they were doing this at school - because, possibly, they could be doing it at home as well.

Sirzy · 02/12/2014 22:01

Sounds like the school are handling it very well. The letter makes it sound pretty clear that the child isn't in trouble but the staff want to be able to help.

I do love this idea of TAs having nothing better to do than act as toilet monitors all day!

zeezeek · 02/12/2014 22:03

LaurieFairyCake - I agree. As someone who has dealt with safeguarding issues, this would be a major concern for me.

I am not a teacher and have never worked in a school myself - but I am the daughter of 2 teachers and a parent governor, so yes, I do understand the pressure that you are under at school.

1FluffyJumper · 02/12/2014 22:05

Given that the whole school will know know, the most COMPASSIONATE route fwd would be to find out which poor soul it is ASAP so the school can help them (and stop the risk of illness to others). Your thinking about it from the perspective of one child too. Schools have loads of kids, each unique, with their own unique set of needs to be met and safety to be considered by the school. A toilet record and regular checks is prob the best you can hope for.

Cauliflowersneeze1 · 02/12/2014 22:06

sirzy I am not suggesting that they have nothing better to do at all , I agree with zee that there are other ways to deal with this

Optimism · 02/12/2014 22:09

It is possible to smell out one child from a class of 30 who has poo in their pants. I have had the dubious pleasure of doing so more than once...

I would imagine that they would at least be able to pinpoint which class the smell was coming from.

The fact that they can't makes me think that the child must somehow not smell.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 02/12/2014 22:10

Whoo hoo calm down who said anything about TA's or teachers monitoring the toilets? don't you have lunchtime supervisors (used to go by title of dinner ladies) that where there to do just that monitor playtimes. They do in my local school

Cauliflowersneeze1 · 02/12/2014 22:11

1fluffyjumper and there I agree with you completely
All children matter and that's why it's important to find out who it is

1FluffyJumper · 02/12/2014 22:13

Playing with poo could be autism or attachment disorder amongst other things.

1FluffyJumper · 02/12/2014 22:14

Hence they write to the parents, caullie.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 02/12/2014 22:15

I'm a TA in a reception class, I'm very surprised the little girl hasn't been identified.

Smeared on walls and elsewhere? the poor child would smell I'm sure.

It all sounds a bit odd and the letter from the school is inappropriate in my opinion.

WineWineWine · 02/12/2014 22:17

I wonder if the girl worries about the sound of the splash being over heard when she poos, so tries to muffle it by pooing on the edge of the seat, which then ends up on the floor. She is probably able to wipe herself so her pants are clean.

Cauliflowersneeze1 · 02/12/2014 22:21

1fluffyjumper yes , I am aware of that and other issues ...... Therefore my reply

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 02/12/2014 22:21

I remember this happened in my reception class (70s)

we had to line up by the coat pegs facing the wall like in Blair Witch Project and the two teachers went down the line peering in our drawers for skiddies

so, OP- it could be worse

fluffling · 02/12/2014 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1FluffyJumper · 02/12/2014 22:30

I don't get what your problem is then. They will be keeping a closer eye on the loos no doubt, and are asking the parent to come fwd. they prob can't post a sentry at all times....so what have they done wrong?

Biscuitsneeded · 02/12/2014 22:41

My DS is hypermobile, which I am convinced means he has poor sphincter muscle control, and he also has attention problems. He often had poo accidents up to the age of 7. Having failed to get to the loo on time, he would then be embarrassed and try to sort himself out instead of asking for help, resulting in poo on the floor as he tried to transfer it to the toilet, on the seat, on his clothes, up the walls, on the basin where he tried to wash himself etc etc. It was the most horrible thing for him (and me!) to go through. I can assure you that he is not an abused child crying out for help, just a little boy who is a bit accident-prone but determined to be independent. Luckily there were rarely any incidents at school as the toilets are right by the classroom and he usually made it in time, but I have lost track of how many times he had accidents such as OP describes at home or at the loos at swimming, where there was a queue. The school here is doing the only thing it can do to try to find out which child may need a bit of help, but if the parents won't come forward what can they do?

Original poster
TimelyNameChangey · 02/12/2014 22:46

SanDiego yes. I thought it innapropriate too. I know how hard the teachers and staff work I really do...the school is a bloody excellent one...noted by both parents and authorities.

But this just jumped out as unusual.

jumper why are you taking this so personally? I felt that one email on Friday was enough....why send an additional letter in no envelope home with DC today!

OP posts: