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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"She's got the weekends off because she's a mum"

124 replies

TicTicBOOM · 02/12/2014 13:11

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable, genuinely.

Recently DH started a new job within the company, and until now his rota has been up in the air. He took it upon himself to look at the available rotas to find a gap where he could fit in and he noticed there was an opportunity for him to work monday - friday with fixed weekends off (something that is quite rare in his line of work) and brought this up with his boss. Boss agreed that it looked like he would be able to have this shift, there was fixed cover for the weekends he'd have off, and it suited the company very well for him to do this. Boss happy, DH over the moon, all good.

DH was told he'd have his rota by the end of December with a view to start it in January.

A couple of weeks ago new colleague transferred over and is being trained to do the same job as DH. They got chatting the other day, and she mentioned how she'd been told she can have a monday - friday shift. DH spoke to his boss about this and apparently yes, she's been given the shift instead of DH, last minute decision - he just hadn't been notified yet.

When he asked why she'd been given it over him, he was told it is because 'she's a mum, we tend to give the weekends to women with children where available'

Now, I know, being a mother myself that weekends with my children mean a lot. But they mean an equally great deal to my husband.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is unfair on DH, and that he's basically been denied something he was told he could have, just because he's a man? Or is what they've done fair for reasons I'm not understanding?

OP posts:
Norfolkandchance1234 · 02/12/2014 14:43

Yanbu - however if she is a single parent she can't really do weekends

Norfolkandchance1234 · 02/12/2014 14:44

It also depends if she was doing weekends or not in her previous position.

Number3cometome · 02/12/2014 14:45

Us women rave on about equal rights, so that's exactly what we should get.

This man is a parent too, and deserves equal rights to time off with his kids at weekends.

I would suggest he speak to his boss and come to some sort of fair arrangement (i.e. him and said woman work weekend on, weekend off)
If boss doesn't agree, then I would make a formal complaint on the grounds of sexist discrimination.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/12/2014 14:47

It does sound massively unfair. The only thing I can think of is that she has 'officially' applied for certain hours under the company's flexible working policy, which would possibly trump the casual conversation DH had with his boss. In other words, she got in first (kind of).

But he should bring it up with his boss because the way they've explained it is discriminatory.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/12/2014 14:49

It also means the next female parent who wants a job in that team won't get it, because the weekends are already allocated to New Woman #1 - so it's discriminatory in other ways too, not just to DH.

KittenCamile · 02/12/2014 14:58

As someone else said, does he have anything in writing? If so I would take this further as its gender discrimination, parents do not get priority and being a women does not give you priority. They have both been internal transfers and both doing the same job, having a vagina does not mean you are entitled to more time with your dcs and a better working rota.

This sort of thing makes my blood boil!

Andrewofgg · 02/12/2014 15:00

Single parent, non-parent, children grown up - what difference?

Everyone's private life is of equal value whatever sort it happens to be. The only fair way is to distribute the weekend, night, early late, CD shifts equally and then allow people to swap. But ALLOW: not force, bully, expect, require, or treat people as not team-players if they don't swap.

Norfolkandchance1234 · 02/12/2014 15:04

Don't be ridiculous a single parent can't find let alone pay someone to sit the kids over the weekend.

Number3cometome · 02/12/2014 15:06

Norfolkandchance1234 what do you mean?

GraysAnalogy · 02/12/2014 15:09

it's not fair at all and he should complain. This happened a few times at my old workplace, I was getting put in every year to do weekends, christmas, boxing day and new years. Until I put my foot down.

Ragwort · 02/12/2014 15:12

That is ridiculous Norfolk - lots of people have comittments at weekends and just because you have children doesn't mean you should get 'first pick' of the weekday shifts.

Am I the only one who actually likes working weekends as it less stressful than being home with children Grin.

newname12 · 02/12/2014 15:14

If she's a single parent, she shouldn't have accepted the transfer if she wasn't able to do the shifts.

Unless she was offered the weekends off as part of the transfer, in which case I still think the op's husband has a case for sex discrimination- if she couldn't take the transfer because of childcare, they shouldn't have offered her that rota pattern without first meeting with the op dh...

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 02/12/2014 15:15

Could they work alternate weeks so they share the WE off? Otherwise I do think its unfair to your DH as he is a parent too.

CrunchySlippers · 02/12/2014 15:17

No - this is blatent sexual (gender) discrimination - he should speak immediatley to the HR dept
(from my company hr policy)
"Types of discrimination and examples
Age, disability, gender reassignment, marital or civil partner status, pregnancy or maternity, race, colour, nationality, ethnic or national origin, religion or belief, sex or sexual orientation are known as protected characteristics which means that the law protects against discrimination on any of these grounds.
Direct discrimination occurs where someone is treated less favourably because of one or more of the protected characteristics. For example,
rejecting an applicant on the grounds of their race because they wouldnt fit in would be direct discrimination."

DontWorrryBaldrickHasACunningP · 02/12/2014 15:37

As your DH had already been offered these shifts, they weren't actually available for her to have.

Your DH should contact HR, his colleagues personal situation has absolutely no bearing on his shifts.

This is gender discrimination and a tribunal would look upon this very seriously.

Territt16 · 02/12/2014 16:05

Used to get this in my old place with time off over Christmas, it was my booked day off and someone swapped without asking me. spoke to her about it to be told by her that the boss has said it was ok because she has children. i put a stop it that straight away.

Original poster
TicTicBOOM · 02/12/2014 16:15

You see that's where I worry - I worked for this company prior to DH taking over my role, and I don't think they will take it very seriously at all. I think he can try - and annoy people in his new role and get no resolution, or just suck it up.

I'm really annoyed for him (sad)

OP posts:
CPtart · 02/12/2014 16:21

Completely unfair. Her childcare issues (if this is the case) are irrevelant and not your problem. It shouldn't matter if she is single parent to 10 kids, and I say this as someone who couldn't meet the demands of a job due to childcare issues and so had to find alternative employment.
I would fear for forthcoming school holidays, Christmas, etc, is she going to have first pick at them all?

TwoLeftSocks · 02/12/2014 16:23

Can he put in a flexible working request to have at least some weekends off?

BertieBotts · 02/12/2014 16:25

I reckon what's happened is she's applied and then gone "Oh but I can't do it unless I get Mon-Fri" and rather than go through the hassle of hire someone entirely new they've gone, errrrrrr, hmmmm, yep we can do that. And your DH has got shafted. I doubt it's anything to do with gender, and would probably have happened the same if the genders were reversed and the new employee had requested the same thing.

I do think parents with childcare requirements should get priority over non parents, just my opinion, doesn't make it right. (And no people should not get priority over days which are already booked). But not mums over dads or dads over mums.

Fallingovercliffs · 02/12/2014 16:37

Are you serious Bertie? What about non parents who have other commitments outside of work? Or do their lives not count as much as parents' lives do?

EustaciaBenson · 02/12/2014 16:37

I think shes probably only qgreed to be transferred if she gets mon to fri and so someone, possibly above your dh's boss has agreed to that, but the way they've explained it is appalling and blatant sexism.

and no parents shouldnt get priority over none parents thats ridiculous really. I always take my holiday out of school holidays because its easier for my colleagues as they have children, but if they told me I had to work weekends and they didnt I would be finding a new job. One is me being flexible because I can, the other is blatant discrimination against people without children and a bit upsetting to someone who wants to be a parent and cant to read

Andrewofgg · 02/12/2014 16:38

BertieBotts I do think parents with childcare requirements should get priority over non parents, just my opinion, doesn't make it right.

Did you think so before DC and will you think so when they are older?

beautifulgirls · 02/12/2014 16:41

He was told he could have these hours by someone who was authorised to make that decision so it is wrong to now withdraw that - consider it a verbal contract. It is irrelevant who then took the hours he had been promised.

BertieBotts · 02/12/2014 16:47

Other commitments too I suppose if they can't be moved. I'm not writing policy so what does it matter if I hold this opinion? Hmm I did think this way before DC, no idea if I will when they are older. But the whole work culture favours young, fit, single people with no commitments - that's not fair, in my opinion, so there should be more concession made to make work more feasible for people who have commitments.