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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask people not to swear in public?

26 replies

FayeFruitLoop · 01/12/2014 12:27

To ask how you handle being on public transport/shops/places where people are loudly swearing around your newly speaking toddler?

I can't really leave this bus as I need to be somewhere and it's becoming more and more common that I wouldn't be able to leave places where this happens but I don't want toddler turning air blue and don't know if/how I should confront behaviour or tackle it later with tot?

OP posts:

Original poster

FayeFruitLoop · 01/12/2014 12:29

Should add... I'm fairly shy. Find confrontation very hard but would if it's the right thing to do for my kid. Also if I end up being flamed... I haven't run away, have an appointment hence rushing and will be back to read and reply later...

OP posts:

OfaFrenchMind · 01/12/2014 12:39

I will not flame you, but I will kindly tell you that YABU. You are not responsible for people's education, but as you say, you can tackle it with your child as soon as he/she says a swear word. It will be easier and less hazardous than telling people you do not know to watch their mouth.
I grew up in a pretty sweary household, but my mom (bless her potty mouth) always made me aware of what is "adult speak", "child speak", and the appropriateness of the language you use, and in which circumstance. I was pretty respectful of this rule, and kept to it out of fear of death respect for my parents.

AMumInScotland · 01/12/2014 13:06

Likewise, I don't think you can really ask people to change their behaviour in such a public place. They haven't deliberately chosen to be near small children, it just happened. It would be different in a place that was obviously 'child-friendly' like a soft play area. But if your child is out in the 'ordinary' world, then you have to accept that you don't have control of this kind of stuff.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 01/12/2014 13:11

You have to ignore. If you ask them to stop some will respond politely and apologise, some will ignore you and others will give you a mouthful of abuse or worse that will upset your child.

All you can do is teach your child that just because they hear a grown-up say something it doesn't mean they can.

SunnyBaudelaire · 01/12/2014 13:13

yes it would be unreasonable - it is your child not theirs

KERALA1 · 01/12/2014 13:15

My father did this on a bus - it did not end well!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 01/12/2014 13:15

Oh, I think people who swear loudly on buses are the ones being unreasonable. Just that there's not a lot you can do.

pigsDOfly · 01/12/2014 13:17

Would very much advise against saying anything to sweary people.

Sorry, but people who are swearing loudly in public are unlikely to thank you for pointing it out and then go on to tone it down.

There's a very strong likelihood of it backfiring and you getting a whole load of swearing up close and in your face and being told to mind your own f*ing business - put the asterisks as don't won't to add to your woes.

It's annoying but it's just a fact of modern life that words that would not have been acceptable in public quite a short time ago are now par for the course in a lot of peoples conversation.

NoSundayWorkingPlease · 01/12/2014 13:17

I'd ask them to mind their language with kids around.

I've done this a couple of times, most recently at A&E at 4pm on a Saturday when the security guard was clearly ignoring the two women ranting and cursing.

I wouldn't march up to someone over the odd 'fuck'...but when I'm sitting with my 4 or 6 year old, no I won't sit and listen to choice screeched phrases such as 'Phil is such a fucking useless cunt, I'm gonna chuck the prick out tomorrow' without saying anything.

HatieKokpins · 01/12/2014 13:18

You might not get flamed here, but you WILL get flamed if you actually go through with it in real life.

DoraGora · 01/12/2014 13:18

Two minds about this. When my 6yo is close by I do object (and can get quite cross)

Was in Morrisons the other day and two men were f-ing and blinding in the milk/fruit juice isle. A child was nearby. I considered asking them to tone it down a bit. But, I suspect that my hanging around in a watchful way, probably gave them a hint without my speaking. Later bits of their conversation appeared to be less profane.

Hatespiders · 01/12/2014 13:29

Well it is actually a Public Order offence. I tackled two lads in the library a few months ago. They were on a computer and making awful comments and using filthy language about women (just bravado I expect). I didn't get nasty, but just leaned across and gently pointed out that there were lots of little ones in the library that day, and that it would be better not to use bad words in front of everyone. They were actually very sweet about it and apologised. As I left I went over to them and thanked them very much for their mature reaction and they beamed. But tackling fully grown adults in full throttle, I'd be a bit scared tbh. But YANBU.

Original poster

FayeFruitLoop · 01/12/2014 15:53

Thanks all! I will opt for the ignore them but try and give off "excuse me children around" vibes I guess.

Just wasn't sure if my shyness was to the detriment of my own child by not saying something

OP posts:

writtenguarantee · 01/12/2014 16:03

I've got a bit of a potty mouth, but I am mindful of it if I am in place where children are likely to be. I will more likely let loose in a pub, then in a primary school.

I tackled two lads in the library a few months ago.

Good way to do it. Glad you got a good reaction.

I had a similar problem to the OP's a few days ago in front my child's primary. 3 women were outside having a smoke after the drop off (I assume they have children they were dropping off!) and proceeded to chat like drunken sailors. It was after 9, but there were still a few children arriving late. I didn't say anything, but probably should have. Really, you can't move 1 minute away and have your "fucking" chat?

Andrewofgg · 01/12/2014 16:26

In a town in Essex which shall be nameless (but is not Northend) I heard a mother tell her toddler to stop that fucking swearing

kittykathat · 01/12/2014 16:59

Its rude and unclassy but you cannot control others actions, its your child and they dont owe you anything.
A lot of peoole will react badly to you telling them what to do

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 01/12/2014 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/12/2014 18:12

I've asked quite a lot of people, over the years, to moderate their language around children. But I only do it if I think it's going to be effective and I ask nicely, I don't make it some kind of demand and I don't make it sound like I disapprove of swearing per se. I've found lots of people are receptive to the idea they shouldn't swear around little chldren and that many of the ones who are doing so just haven't thought much about their surroundings. Ocassionally it proves fruitless, but I've never had anyone turn on me because of it.

Stampysladygarden · 01/12/2014 18:43

When I was about 13, I was being an obnoxious teen on a bus swearing. A man told me off for swearing in front of his toddler. I wasn't even really thinking about what I was doing but I was embarrassed and felt bad. Never swore on a bus again. I did learn my lesson.

RonaldMcFartNuggets · 01/12/2014 18:46

I told a group of teenagers to stop swearing in a playground. Little shits

ouryve · 01/12/2014 18:50

I sit and inwardly bristle and might mutter to myself, when they're out of earshot. DS1 just complains to me that there's people being rude.

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 01/12/2014 18:57

I found passive aggressive loud parenting helped - "Oh don't listen, WE don't use words like that" or just a simple "tone it down a bit please - there are little ones about."

BUT I live in a fairly posh suburb where the fiercest answer I got was a blush and a sorry ..

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2014 19:00

It is just language. It's just words. I reserve my 'tackling' for stuff that is harmful. Angry, shouty stuff is worse IMO. As is 'stupid' or similar words.

ShatnersBassoon · 01/12/2014 19:05

I've asked people to stop swearing in front of my children a few times. I politely ask them to tone down the language or volume a bit, make a joke of the children repeating what they hear to easily shocked grandma. Nobody has ever reacted badly. Teenagers are usually mortified

Bulbasaur · 01/12/2014 19:13

My own father swore plenty of times in front of me. I still knew not to swear and what was "grown folk talk".

That's just part of raising a kid. When he gets older, he'll start doing the predictable "! They said a bad word!". Then you'll be squirming in your seat.

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