To chuckle gently at my friends parenting plans

[Wowthishurtsalot]

She's 4 months pregnant with her PFB and is already dreaming of parenting without raising her voice and without using time outs because she thinks both are cruel

AIBU to chuckle to myself and just sit back and wait for the ensuing chaos?

I confess to waiting patiently for some of my slightly judgey childless friends to have their own children and find all is not quite as simple as it looks from the outside. I also had a little giggle at my friend that had done the hypnobirthing course so would have no pain at all in her labour (although - I made a mental note that if it worked I would go on that course when I got pregnant!!).

I don't want to do timeouts myself and do raise my voice with my toddler occasionally (but dislike myself for it).

The nicest thing to do for your friend is buy her a copy of Dr Sears and a copy of Contented Little Baby and show there are very different 'right' ways to raise a child. That way when she finds herself somewhere on that wide spectrum she won't feel bad. That is what I read when pregnant with pfb and think it helped me not to feel bad when I was finding my own way.

Everyone has unrealistic views of parenthood before they have children!!

Fortunately, yes - I was terrified that I would lack patience and spend my whole time trying to reign in my natural desire to have things done a certain way. I thought that my son would prefer my easy-going laid back husband and find me too strict. I was convinced that I would need 'strategies' and 'methods' to reign in my own behaviour and the people who told me it would be worse than I imagined and that I would never manage to parent in the way I hoped I would broke my heart.
Perhaps some people forget how terrifying it is to know that you are about to be responsible for a baby who needs you so much, and that's why they feel as though they can poke fun, but it does pay to remember that, no matter what people say, they are shitting themselves about it all on the inside. If that makes me self-righteous, then so be it - I just know that I wouldn't want to make anyone feel the way the nay-sayers made me feel when I was pregnant, hormonal and anxious about my ability to live up to the task.

YANBU.

Bless her!

Parenting is a million times harder than I ever thought it would be and my kids do not behave in the delightful, reasonable ways I had hoped for whilst pregnant.

Yes I thought that. It worked with DS.

Then DD turned up. Completely different child. Still haven't worked out what works. She's 5.

OP I started a very very similar thread a few months ago and got ROASTED. Good luck!

I agree with you, btw ;)

YABU to be so condescending.
DW and I were among the last of our families / friendship groups to have children so we had a lot of experience watching others and seeing what they got right / wrong. Also we got a lot of practice babysitting and the like, so by the time ours came along we pretty much knew how we were going do things.
Lots of friends / family had their own 2p worth to say about our parenting plans, most think us a bit harsh. We aren't shouty or aggressive and don't administer really harsh punishments based on temper but we take absolutely no nonsense from ours and never have from day 1. They get one warning to stop and then there is a consistent, measured consequence. However we sleep very soundly at night, we can take them almost anywhere and 99% of the time they are no trouble whatsoever.

Let your friend do what she wants without judging. Personally I agree with you, I don't think this softly softly, wishy-washy approach works particularly well either but it is the parents prerogative to try. They also have to deal with the fallout if it doesn't work.