Aibu to feel like walking out the door...and to just keep walking?

[mdpis3]

I have had the worst night. Scratch that, the worst 7 years. From a awful pregnancy to a 6.5 yo who has never slept more than 3 hours uninterrupted in her life. We have made peace with the complexities of our life and I rarely moan but my god, last night takes the biscuit and I could easily walk out the front door and just keep walking. Does it ever get easier? sigh

Goodness I sound like a whinger. Anyone else had a night from hell with their DC?

Can't sympathise but I can empathise, that must be hell on earth. Is there any reason you can figure out for the poor sleeping? Apologies if that seems like a dumb question

Posted too soon. Would your GP or HV be able to offer any support? 6 and a half years of broken sleep is an awful lot to bear. You don't sound wingey, you sound desperate (understandably) big (unmumsnetty) hugs x

mdp that does sound horrendous. What is your situation? Do you have any support you can call on? It sounds like you need someone to give you a break. You don't sound whingy, you sound exhausted and fed up, which isn't surprising under the circumstances.

Yes I have had a bad night. In fact, I have had a bad 6 weeks with 3 year old ds. He has had one illness after another (tonsillitis, chicken pox, stomach bug, chest infection, croup and a head cold) since starting nursery and wakes up many times during the night. I am having to strip his bed and clean vomit up at least twice a night the past week, and it is seriously draining me and I feel like screaming. Surviving off 3 hours sleep a night (although not even had 3 minutes tonight so far!) is no easy task!

And that's just after 6 weeks. I think I would be rocking in the corner after 6 years!

Have you spoken to a health professional about it?

Hope you are sleeping now!

Our DD is mentally and physically disabled and this has been our life since her birth. We've adapted and usually have a system that works for us (no one else understands how it does but it does) however for who knows what reason, tonight was just an extra bad night. We recently moved almost 80 miles away from our support network that I ordinarily would have leaned on during the day (no one can help in the middle of the night) to give us all some respite but that isn't an immediate option these days. It's planned in, more like "Nanny and Grandad are coming next week" etc... It was our choice to move so I am not complaining about that, it's just extra hard on the really rough nights, that's all.

Ho hum. Now I just need to think of quiet things to do in the house for the next 3 hours before the rest of the world wakes up.

My DSis is mentally and physically disabled but she has always slept well so my parents get a good night's sleep. I don't know how parents in your shoes cope.

I would speak to your gp op they might know if there are any support services you can access

Cerisier - can I ask how old your Dsis is? It seems like a silly question but did it eventually get easier for your parents or for you as a sibling? I don't know what I mean by "easier" but I guess just something, anything :(

Thank you afreshstartplease, I think that will be our next step. Her needs have changed and perhaps we need to reevaluate and look for additional support.

Sounds like a plan to me op! Hopefully you can get the support you need. Everyone needs a break at times

Ds is 19 and has autism and has slept through the night on a handful of occasions since he was born so I know exactly how you feel. I remember regularly feeling at the end of my tether when he was younger.
He still doesn't sleep but he mostly follows the rules which say he doesn't have to sleep but he has to stay quietly in his room.
Unfortunately the years of no sleep have left me with chronic insomnia and so I'm awake as much as he is anyway.

mdp I've felt like that, and I have walked out. I just hit in my car and drove and then spent 2 hours parked in a town a few miles crying. My 6 year old has very challenging behaviour (waiting to be assessed for asperger's, ADHD etc) and my 2 year old had never slept through the night at the time (she has done in the last few weeks). After a particularly stressful day at work last month I came in from work, couldn't find the emotional reserves to deal with them and had gone before I'd taken my shoes off. Our nearest grandparent is 200 miles away and we never get a break. You have my every sympathy

Talk to your GP and also ask about some respite care, especially since your usual support network is so far away

insanityscratching - I am also now an insomniac. Even when DD does sleep, I cannot. Years of broken sleep is torturous. I hope that one day my DD is able to understand that it's ok to not sleep, but that we still need to be quiet and somewhat still at night. We have a long way to go until 19 but knowing that eventually you found a middle ground with your son, gives me hope. Thank you.

BikeRunSki - had my DH been home in the night I too would have got in the car and just driven to the end of the road to cry. My DD is extremely sensitive so we do not cry (or shout) in front of her (who knew I would become an expert in silent screaming matches with my DH) because she then apologies for being "different". A word we have NEVER used. And that then kills us a little more. She is a blessing and absolutely wonderful and if I had to deal with a years worth of what she puts up with in a day, I would be catatonic but with all that said, I would love a bloody good cry. I can't even comfort myself with chocolate or alcohol thanks to diabetes and a dodgy liver. I hope you manage to get the help you need for your DS.

I am also now an insomniac. Even when DD does sleep, I cannot. Years of broken sleep is torturous.

Me too.

Thank you for the kind words everyone. I think respite and additional support from local services versus family now that we've moved, is the way forward. I'll get googling and speak to our GP and her specialists.

BikeRunSki - I'm sending you a hug. Or a cuppa. Or a G&T. Have all 3 if you like.

mdp you sound incredibly strong, so does your dd.

My usual tipple is Red Bull - for breakfast! . In a particularly ironic twist of parenting Rge Amazing Non Sleeping Toddler, I am allergic to coffee!

DD has always been a healthy child who has slept great, so no problems there. But I firmly believe she suffers from some kind of heightened emotional anxiety/sensitivity. She genuinely seems to feel quite emotionally and physically pained in a lot of situations. Simple things like brushing her hair or telling her that her shoes are on the wrong feat can lead to a tearful meltdown that can border on a full blown anxiety attack if she gets really worked up. I have to constantly reassure her. It's fucking exhausting.

But it also makes her one of the sweetest, kindest little girls you will ever meet. She seems to carry the weight of the world on her wee shoulders at times, but by god that kid would do anything/say anything/give you anything if she thought you were sad. She really seems to see the hurt in some people and would do anything she could to make them happy and smile.

So in essence, the thing that makes me worry about her the most is also the thing that makes me the proudest. Argh!

Have you any respite support op

Be kind to yourself today xxx

Op I really feel for you. Both DS's are crappy sleepers. DS1 had sleep apnoea a woke 20+ times a night screaming his little head off because his breathing stopped. He's had tonsils and adenoids removed so that's sorted his breathing, but he's been left with a severe sleep disorder. Well, 2 actually according to the sleep consultant we've just seen. He can't transition between sleep stages by himself, so we have a plan of action to help there (involves waking him up, somewhat pecersely), and he gets stuck in limbo between cycles so sleepwalks and has night terrors. Consultant says this will work but it will take time.

DS2 is only 11mo and waking every 1-2 hours because he's teething and has hyper mobile joints that click and clunk all night and make him shriek . I've had a very bad (think end of tether) night, especially with him.

I've been off sick too because I've developed insomnia, and because I'm getting no sleep my other health problems have been very difficult for me to manage.

We get very little help - relatives have said they'd love to have them overnight when they sleep through (hollow laugh). DH had a rare night out last night so no backup from him either .

Sorry , all that sounds like a massive pity party . I ended up in a right state with it all, because telling people IRL just gets. "Well we're all tired" in return. I'm not just tired . I'm suffering exhaustion.

Sorry to go off in a rant. I hope you can get some help op. And a massive for us all.

OP Definitely seek out some respite care even if it's for one night a week , that one full nights sleep really does make a difference

My 6yo Ds has ADHD/AS & since birth has always been rubbish at sleeping , for the first 4 years he never slept longer than 4 hours he got better for a while thanks to medication but that no longer works now & he is back to waking up at 1.30 every morning & sometimes he doesn't sleep for longer than an hour which turns out is all he needs .

Hope you manage to get some help