to refuse to share food?

[Vitalstatistix]

It feels as though I am being petty and/or greedy but at the same time, it gives me the rage when I make myself a snack and my husband wanders over and says "that looks nice, can I take some?"

I tell him no, and to go and get himself one. It really irritates me that he wants to take from my plate which means I either have only half or have to go back and make myself something again, after having said no, he isn't hungry when I initially go into the kitchen saying I am getting a snack, do you want anything.

So tell me, am I petty or do you understand why it gives me the rage.

I usually really like sharing food with my husband when we eat out - it means I get to try more different things. However, I don't like sharing when I know exactly what I want off the menu and none of the other options appeals to me. So any sharing arrangement has to be negotiated in advance, before ordering.

My husband and I regularly have this argument as part of our Great Naan Wars:

I always order a naan when we go out for a curry. My husband always orders rice and then (after the food arrives) asks if he can have some of my naan in exchange for some rice. I don't want rice, I want my naan. All of it. I have taken to announcing that I intend to order a naan for my personal consumption, and that if he wants any he should order one himself.

He sees this as ridiculous and slightly unreasonable and teases me relentlessly me for my territorial attitude towards naan. He says he likes both naan and rice, but is reluctant to order more food than he can manage. Which I respect and would be perfectly happy to go along with if I liked rice and naan in equal measure. Which I don't.

I'll hold my hand up and say I do this.

DH makes cheese on toast for supper quite often or just toast dripping in butter

He always asks if I want some and I always say no I'm being good. Only when he comes in with food I start looking at it longingly and say if you can't eat it all I'll have some cue DH stomping over with food.

Now he just makes me some to start with.

I find it annoying if I make the amount of snack I want - say going and making 2 pieces of toast or getting 2/3 biscuits etc, whatever is the amount I want to eat - then come into the room where DH is. He will always want to take a bit, even if I asked him before hand and he said no. That just leaves me with an empty hole where that food should have been and then I have to go back and get more! So same as you Op, I think.

Wow some issues ! :)

Bear - we'd think that quite normal wrt naan in particular. If you don't want to spend out on a whole naan just to have a corner. We'd often share " a bit" of something ie if one of us has sausages and mash, a bit of the sausage just to try it. But certainly with a naan. Especially with chineese and Indian its kind of assumed with most people that you will share the dishes isn't it? Well obviously not with the posters on this thread ;)

Food on my plate is mine. Until I say I've had enough, keep away.

Went out for a pub meal with now ex and his friends, one arrived late and said he didn't have time to eat now before the football, so my ex grabbed my plate and offered it to him saying "Cake never finishes her meal, knock yourself out"

I grabbed it back and said, "that's mine - have his if you're hungry" giving ex's plate up and ex said "I was eating that!"

To give him his due, the mate said, "na, you're ok, I'll grab a maccy dees after" but ex still sulked the rest of the day.

Nope, really doesn't bother me

At home 90% on our meals we put whole dish into middle of the table and everyone takes what they like onto plates, then everyone picks at leftovers from main dish

Often it's just ds2 (3) and myself who eat lunch together and we often eat off one plate. I like it.

Oh Art that reminds me - I used to do that when I just had one child, we always ate together like that.

DH absolutely hates sharing food. We were having pizza with some friends and one had opted out saying she wasn't hungry. She then leaned over saying 'ooh, that looks nice' and grabbed a slice of DH's pizza without asking. I thought he might actually stab her hand with his fork.

Oh I have found my spiritual home.

I really got Joey in that episode as I HATE sharing my food with anyone. If I am full and offer it then fine, if not keep your bloody mitts off. I hate people asking too, I find that rude.
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I am often referred to as weird because of it by my friends. I won't share cutlery or drinks either. Gross.

LittleRobots - Fair enough, I normally feel the same way. I do like sharing. Just not when there is one thing on the menu I particularly like and am looking forward to eating. growls

Don't touch my motherfucking food. EVER.
The same rule applies to my children. Even my first born cannot take food from my plate. EVER.

I hate sharing food too. There are a few,very select,people with whom I'll share meals,but it's a big no to everyone else.

If I go to a restaurant then it's not just for the company, I want to order a meal that I'll enjoy,so I'll stick with my salt and chili squid,and no I don't want any of your beef in black bean sauce,and stop going eww because I ordered squid. I'm not asking you to eat it.

Thankfully sharing Chinese and Indian is not the norm for my social group,although I have encountered it in larger groups,but I prefer to stick to my own dish.

Fruitcakey doesn't share food.

I don't share food either.
If I'm making something for myself I will ask other people who are around if they would like some of their own. If they say no then fine, but don't expect to share mine. I have made enough food for myself to satisfy the hunger I am currently feeling. If I only wanted half the food on my plate THEN I'D HAVE MADE MY PORTION 50% SMALLER!!! KEEP YOUR MITTS OFF!

Dammit, bloody tablet/WiFi fizzed out when I had a post written!

Claw and Squoosh

When I said that sharing food said a lot about me and hubby as a couple, it maybe came out wrong. I didn't mean that it spoke volumes about us to other people, just that it meant a lot to us personally....and the state of our relationship. Hubby was single for a long time before he met me and didn't think he would ever love/be loved or get married, and I had had a short, miserable and damaging first marriage to a man who didn't know the meaning of sharing, be it food or otherwise. So to be able to share food with each other, pinch the odd thing off each others plate or simply order/prepare something for sharing....it means we are in a good place. That's all.

I do not share food. My husband thinks I am hilarious/irritating in equal measures, but if I have ordered or made myself something it's because that is what I want. Unless we have agreed beforehand to share, of course. We would always share rice/naan at an Indian but that is by prior agreement. I even get annoyed sometimes when we do agree to share as DH eats much more and much quicker than I do so I find myself rushing just so I get enough, then I don't enjoy the meal as much as I've stuffed the food down.

My grandma-in-law is a food TOUCHER that's a million times worse. Oh yeah and when I used to live with my inlaws I once cooked dinner for me and DH (they were eating separately) and MIL decided to help herself to a bit of ours! She's a serial food taker though, drove me mad.

It sounds as though this particular incident is less about food sharing and more about him being to idle to make his own snack and wanting to just nick your ready made one.
I don't like being regarded as the kitchen maid so get stroppy if my husband asks if I can "make him one too" if he sees me making something for myself (usually because I've been out and it's past a meal time and I've expected him to have eaten not just hang around idly waiting for someone else to prepare food.
He knows better than to ask now, he just joins me in the kitchen preparing his own and getting in the way.
If he goes out I don't hang around getting hungry until he gets home I sort myself out.
We eat together on an evening, this is weekend lunch times when I really don't want to spend twice as long making sandwiches etc.
If we're getting a take away we decide in advance whether to share or not but there is no rational reason why Indian or Chinese food should mean everyone shares food where as British food means everyone can keep what they've ordered. We usually eat most of our favourite dish and a bit of what the other person ordered and share a veg side dish and breads.

DH does this with the DDs snacks, he thinks he is 'teaching them to share' and 'stopping them from eating too much junk' - however all they think is "Dad is so annoying and won't keep his hands off my food!" Everyone ends up in a huff over it!

FGS they only get popcorn/crisps/chocolate once in a while so let them enjoy it in peace!

None Sharer Solidarity

I refuse to do mezzes or tapas with dh because he eats so quickly and scoffs the lot. Or sits staring at my food because he's finished his 2/3s of it and he still wants my 1/3. It fucks me off so much. He used to help himself off my plate till one day when i was pregnant we were eating in giraffe and i had a falafel and haloumi burger and sweet potato chips (my pregnancy fave) and he leant over to take the burger and a handful of chips. I actually stabbed him hard with my knife and fork my mouth was full so i didn't want to be rude and scream NO FUCKING WAY YOU CHEEKY CUNT in the restaurant so i stabbed him instead He's never taken from my plate since tho :)

I have the opposite problem with my toddler, he is insistent on sharing his half chewed food with everyone, smushing it into your mouth even if you say no thanks or try to pretend to eat it

Definitely not Unreasonable.

I am famous for throwing a plate of food away because someone helped themselves to my meal before I had even started eating. Makes me feel really ill!

Looks like my kids are going the same way. I have to specifically tell my dad not to help himself to their food, even if it does look like they've finished, as they will usually rest for five minutes and then go back to it. If I don't then half their meal is gone

MrsKoala... that is so greedy of your husband.

Why would he try to take your burger? Presumably he'd had his own food to eat.

yy to the smushy food from toddler... what can you say when they are so er... generous?

BlueGoddess... I feel exactly the same way and would probably do this. I hate it. Why are people so territorial over what is on somebody else's plate?

I never force my children to share their food either. I find it odd that so many of my friends insist that their children share their food or expect other children share with theirs because they suddenly decide they want what someone else has got. What's wrong with saying "no precious princess I can never say no to that's x's food you have this/have already eaten/will be eating soon?

Funnily enough my children are very good at sharing their food especially saving their last sweet for me or DH. I often tell them they don't have to as it is theirs but I will take it sometimes as they are so pleased to share their food.

It's not teaching a child to share if you snatch stuff from their plate. That's snatching. Sharing is when someone says "would you like some of my x?"
I do think bags of popcorn/ sweets etc are different to actual meals though. It is rude to eat a bag of popcorn/ crisps yourself and not offer it round. Most adults wouldn't do that so children shouldn't.
The problem is that often adults buy kids junk food but don't buy themselves any so the kids may feel that "sharing" their food is all one way as they don't get offered anything. I know my husband likes crisps etc so wouldn't give packets to the kids without giving him one, not that I buy sweets often as I rarely eat them so rarely think about them when shopping. If I do buy them it's one each though or one of something everyone likes even if people get different things..

i think sharing crisps it weird. people lick the salt off their fingers then pt them back in the bag. people rummage their hands in them touching ones they don't take. also i eat when i'm hungry. i hate going to a pub, feeling peckish, getting a packet of crisps or small chips (the chunky ones where you get about 10 in a bowl) then 4 people you are with all dive forward like you've provided communal snacks. you all get about 2 chips/6 crisps, oh great, i'm really full now!

Lying - because he is greedy. he eats so much and is always hungry. he eats quickly then sits begging at my plate. it pisses me off. i eat quickly too but he is just embarassing. i usually get 'can i try some of your x'. i say 'it tastes the same as last time you tried it when i had it'. The worst was when i broke my arm the first day of our holiday and he had to cut up all my food. we'd go to a steak restaurant and i'd ask him to cut my meat and he'd pop every other piece in his mouth. i'd get so furious and be handed back a plate of veg and a few bits of meat. he is better now because i had to really lose my temper. given the chance he will eat the childrens food too. on hot days he thinks nothing of finishing their water if he's thirsty when we are out and rolls his eyes when i go mental at him. when you see what his mum serves him you can see why. the first xmas we went there, mil brought out a platter of what i thought was a mixed grill for everyone, half a chicken, steak, lamb, pork, bacon and sausage and put it down just in front of him.