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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that a 9 year old...

85 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 26/11/2014 10:09

Should be sleeping through the night in their own bed?

I work as a nanny/PA for a woman who is often away on business trips. She's a single parent and has a nine year old daughter, with whom I have a great bond.

When my boss is at home the daughter sleeps in bed with her. Her own room is mainly just her dressing room. The issue is at the moment I'm staying over while her Mum is on business in the US, and she will not sleep unless she's in with me. I am a light sleeper and she's a particularly fidgety one who takes up a lot of space, and besides that I would prefer to have a bed to myself after a long day. She's obviously not a baby but she becomes unsettled when I try to encourage her to sleep in her own room, cries and says she misses her mum. The mum has also specifically asked me to let her sleep in my bed so she's not lonely during the night.

It's been a week now and I'm shattered. I've hardly had any sleep. I am being very patient towards her. I don't want her to be upset. She's absolutely fine during the day, it's only night time when the problems start. I've tried being with her in her own bed until she falls asleep but she will always without fail wake up in the small hours and come looking for me when she finds she's alone. Then she'll have a bit of a cry so we'll have a cuddle and she gets back to sleep but I don't. I have PA duties during the day before I pick her up from school so it's not like I can get any rest then.

Not expecting any magic solutions, but any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I don't have DC so I guess I want to understand if this is normal, what others would do in this situation. Thanks.

OP posts:
ChippingInAutumnLover · 27/11/2014 00:09

HERE IT IS

We often end up starting a new one each week (depends on how full it is!) but there will be a link from this one if we do :)

Don't replace the wine, it's the very least she owes you!!

If she lets you go, it's her loss. She's walking all over you and you can't put up with that. I'd love to bet she's doing it in a lot of other ways as well. Feel free to vent a bit more if you want to, we'll soon let you know Wink

Hissy · 27/11/2014 07:31

listen to Chipping MadHatter, she knows what she's doing in this arena!

how'd it go in the end? did she sleep through, did you have to walk her back?

toothlessoldhag · 27/11/2014 08:36

I hope you had a decent night's sleep OP. And start charging nights!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/11/2014 09:43

WellI'll - yes he does sleep in my bed and yes its a fucking nightmare. If you want to come and live my life for a bit (which is a total pile of crap at the moment) and sort it out for me then please feel free.

MadHattersWineParty · 27/11/2014 09:59

Thanks for the Apprentice link, Chipping!

She did get up and attempt to crawl into my bed at 3 and again at 5. I did take her straight back and explained that it was sleep time and that was that. Felt a bit mean at her plaintive voice calling out 'but I miss my mum!' as I left the room, but I was at my limit with night time cuddles and reassurances.

Anyway, joy of joys, the mum is coming back on Saturday morning! I'm already planning many cocktails somewhere lovely with my boyfriend in the evening (practically forgotten I had one after this debacle and my zombie-like exhaustion after the past week or so)

OP posts:
Marcipex · 27/11/2014 10:07

Hooray, MadHatter, well done you.
That's great for a first time, for both of you.

She'll get used to it, you're not being unkind.

Littleturkish · 27/11/2014 12:31

Great result, well done.

Hissy · 27/11/2014 13:01

'but I miss my mum!' ... yup... that is exactly what I expected. she knows full well what she is doing, this is manipulation pure and simple.

Keep going. what her mother makes a total fuck up over decides to do with her child is one thing, but you are indeed in serious danger of putting yourself in a vulnerable safeguarding position if you allow this to continue.

Keep going, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Well done! proud of ya! Grin

dietcokeandwine · 27/11/2014 14:10

Just read through this thread and can't quite believe what your employer is asking you to do OP.

Well done you for sticking to your guns. Agree with Hissy re the manipulation element-I have a 10yo DS, and know many other mums with 9/10yo DDs, and the vast majority of them (DSs and DDs but particularly DDs!!) can be skilled little manipulators when they want to be.

Not saying that she's not genuinely missing her mum, of course. But the vast majority of children her age are capable of missing a parent on a business trip and expressing that emotion without resorting to toddler behaviour. Obviously it's up to her mum what she does sleep wise with her DD, but to ask/expect you to cosleep with her child is wrong on so many levels.

I hope your employer takes a sensible and fair approach to the situation when you have your chat with her. Good luck.

Hissy · 27/11/2014 14:20

My DS is almost 9, he is adorable and a great boy...

BUT if he can score a win by batting an eyelid or saying he feels xy or z.. he will. He would spend every night with me if he could. After his accident he did spend a week or so with me, but I made it clear it was until he was a bit stronger and was able to climb his ladder, and then he'd be back in his own bed.

Of course the shock we both went through meant that actually I wanted him close by as much as he wanted to be, but I knew this wasn't good long term.

this girl has been raised to think that she can't be left to sleep alone and that she needs her mum.

this is the mother's issues/fears/insecurity, but its crippling the girl's development, or will do if EVERYONE is forced into this lunacy.

MadHatter you have another 2 nights to get through, you stick to your guns and refuse to ever again share your bed.

You also need to be paid for 24 hour care. You gave up your life while this woman pursued hers.. remember this!

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