AIBU to air my views on my child's safety in school in front of 26 parents of children in the same class???

[Warriorqueen69]

Ok, my dd is year 6 and in the year 7 maths group in her primary school. She is a good girl in class - never had a bad word said about her by the staff.

The other day, her group was left to work unsupervised for a few minutes. Some of them ran around the room with rulers hitting other kids, others did silly dances. My dd asked around for a pencil sharpener from a couple of kids, as her pencil lead had broken and she wanted to be ready for the test on the teacher's return and her sharpener was missing from her pencil case.

My dd went to the door to look for her teacher to alert her to the bad behaviour that had ensured. The teacher entered and promptly gave the whole class a sanction, my dd included.
No big deal really, if a tad unfair.

Anyway, a while ago I'd started this year 6 site on FB for parents - a general info site, sharing of ideas, concerns etc - we have them in all the other years, so it was a good idea (I thought) to start something for our year.

I posted a post asking parents about how they felt about kids getting a sanction after being unsupervised for a time in class. I suggested I wasn't happy about this. (May I say now I am a secondary school teacher and I would not expect children under 15 to be able to comply with being silent in their seats in the absence of a member of staff). It was a bit of a grumble, nothing more and in the morning, i sought out the teacher concerned and had a real heart to heart.

Thing is, in the interim, someone felt it necessary to go and tell the teacher I had been unhappy with how things had transpired. So after we had sorted it out, she asked me not to post on FB.

Sorry, but I had posted in a very discrete group mentioning no names about a general situation. I reserve my right to free speech, especially where my child is concerned. I am pretty pissed off with the person who thought it appropriate to stir things up, something small and irritating, making it involve many people.

In short, this evening, I had TWO school dads laying into me: How DARE I disrespect the teacher by questioning her authority. One was almost threatening, suggesting that if I ever involved his daughter in anything in future, he would not "stand for it".

AIBU to expect the school to account for the times they leave my 10 year old unsupervised and then whack a blanket sanction on all the kids when the teacher returns regardless???? AIBU to expect threatening and horrible comments from fathers of my dd's peers when I question this policy of the schools?

I think it's worrying that your expectations of behaviour are so low.
The blanket sanction wasn't the way I'd have gone, but I'd have certainly let the class know of my disappointment at their immaturity and poor behaviour, and never have trusted them unsupervised again for whatever reason.
How nice that the teacher had such positive support from two parents.

Of course you shouldn't have a Facebook site to 'discuss concerns'.

I expect the other parents are embarrassed at the idea that leaving 10/11 year olds alone for a few minutes is a safety concern.

LOL at the outrage. I don't think I was. It was a low level grumble is all. Don't people have real stuff to be upset by other than someone asking a question about how their kids are treated at school? shakes head and signs out

Well, that is kind of what happens when you discuss things on social media like Facebook or mumsnet...

YABU. I would expect a group of Yr6s to get on with their work and not misbehave while I was out of the room for a short time. I'm not a fan of whole class punishments but I wouldn't be whipping up a fuss on FB about it.
You should have spoken directly to the teacher about it if you were concerned, in private and not involving other parents, who could have done the same if they felt strongly about it.

yabu to think it's beyond ten year olds to sit down and wait quietly. They are a yr off secondary school ffs.

total overreaction.

However I have to admit I hate all this bollocks where people are told what they can and can't write or discuss.

Op: AIBU?
Everyone: Bloody hell, yes!!
OP: No I'm not!! lol at outrage!

Poor teacher!

So what was the point of posting? As someone said on another thread last week, we need an 'I'm bloody right and you all have to agree with me' section just to weed these fuckwits out...

You lost me in the third paragraph, grow up. Yeah they were playing around while the teacher went out of the classroom, that's kids for you. Your girl were to tell the teacher and she told off the whole group, yes that's the way is done.

You complaining about this after your perfect dd was included in a blanket punishment that couldn't have been severe or life threatening and you are complaining in facebook??? Save the time the school is wasting in your complaint for issues that really need their attention.

YABU to moan on fb. If you have an issue, have the respect and decency to take it up with the school.

YANBU to be upset if the other parents response included threat of physical violence but you weren't clear whether that was the case or whether they were just correctly angry about your inappropriate use of fb for this. Threatening physically violence is never ok.

YABVVVVU to "lol" and "sign out" on this thread after being told that YABU. You asked. You were told. These posts are from real human beings taking time out of their day to help you because you asked for help. A nice person would say thank you, not laugh and swan off because you didn't get the approbation you were hoping for.

'One was almost threatening, suggesting that if I ever involved his daughter in anything in future, he would not "stand for it".'

Did he threaten physical violence, or just firm opposition to your complaints?
If a teacher says 'I will not stand for this sort of behaviour' does that mean she's about to get physical with the class, or giving them a clear warning?

What a cow. VVU

Either the OP isn't a teacher or this didn't happen. You would have to have been teaching in a bubble for the last ten years not to know the implications of using Facebook to moan about another teacher, especially as a secondary teacher.

Not knowing how to spell the version of 'discreet' that fits here or being able to control a bunch of 15 year olds are poor as well.

You're a teacher and you actually run a site on Facebook set up to "share concerns" about the way a fellow teacher handles her classes?

I have been in tears about parents bitching about me on Facebook (can blame the preg hormones a bit for that). I've learnt to toughen up a bit but it's still horrible.

It appears you might not come back .

I think your behaviour has been appalling. To post on FB about a classroom incident then complain because it became public knowledge at school and you received a bollocking, unbelievable!

LOL @ accusing others of getting worked up about nothing.

Pot calls the kettle black.

It's you that asked the question OP. We are responding. Don't like the answers? Learn from this.

Parents shouldn't use Facebook to moan about school. It never ends well, because there are always a few idiots who don't know how to behave online. Not saying that's you OP, but you shouldn't have posted what you did. Close the Facebook group and talk to other parents face to face if you need to.

So you're complaining because you got called out on your passive aggressive bitching and it bit you on the arse? Oh dear. It sounds as if you really don't like any kind of confrontation. Fair enough, but that doesn't give you licence to snipe about people behind their backs.

They're ten year olds for god's sake. They can be left alone for a couple of minutes without anything catastrophic happening. Oh, and the collective punishment? Tough tits, it happens all the time. At least it will help teach your daughter that life isn't fair.

YABU, facebook is not an apppropriate medium

nooone likes a grass OP...........................

So... Your daughter was in a class that were messing around when a teacher left them. She felt unhappy with it and alerted the teacher. The teacher resolved.
You were asking for opinions as to whether other people in fb group thought the teacher was at fault, but after you posted you spoke directly with the teacher and accepted her explanation/felt the point had been made. Some parents read your post negatively and used their little piece of information to try to get you into a fight with the teacher and then went off at you themselves in a parent-child way when they thought they were right. Most parents in the group didn't have the a strong opinion either way. Sounds like some parents don't like this (or perhaps any) teacher being 'undermined' yet from my understanding this was a group post. . a private group? .. wondering what the right thing to do isn't undermining but some people read any post from someone they don't know well as negative. I've had this happen recently where local politicians got all shirty because my open-hearted question was read by the passive aggressive arseholes paranoid game players slightly oversensitive politicians as a sarcastic passive aggressive post. If you were bitching at the punishment that's one thing if you were questioning the left alone decision that's another. Both are valid. Left alone.. turned out to be a bad decision. Punishment relevant. teacher feeling bad? perhaps relevant. parents blaming you after you did the adult bit of resolving. . not helpful.

As for healing all the damaged feelings I would say don't feel bullied. . feel proud that you asked questions.. Don't overdo it do leave teachers to solve problems themselves but do keep an eye out for (too much) anarchy being unchecked/allowed in future if you can but find a balance in how its brought up. 10 mins of crazyiness isn't too bad.. but let it happen too often and kids will be waiting for the next adrenaline burst and stop learning...

YABU posting on facebook about issues you have with the school before you'd even gone into see the teacher.

I always cringe when I see people using facebook to make a point about school or criticise. It often gets back to school staff and has potential to turn into an unproductive bitching where people moan about the school without actually talking to the school, and the comments are usually totally one-sided.

YABU I am NOT outraged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think what you are saying is that your daughter was not purposefully being racist? She's a literal person perhaps? And the school should have taken that into consideration?

As a mother of mixed race children, whose children have been subjected to people chanting monkey I would say it's not unfair for the mother to react. Your daughter might not have meant it in a racist way but that's how her daughter would have taken it.

I think you should talk to the school and your daughter.

What I find as bad, is racists who pick on mixed race/minority groups about OTHER THINGS because they are racist. So while everyone knows they are bullying xxxx for being mixed race or whichever group it can't be proven. Sneaky and not nice at all.

My dd asked around for a pencil sharpener from a couple of kids, as her pencil lead had broken and she wanted to be ready for the test on the teacher's return and her sharpener was missing from her pencil case.

My dd went to the door to look for her teacher to alert her to the bad behaviour that had ensured. The teacher entered and promptly gave the whole class a sanction, my dd included.

Yeah right and if you believe that one ill tell you another!

Helicopter parenting much???

I HATE how some women turn men being assertive into aggression as a get out for their own bad behaviour. It completely undermines those women who are genuinely the victims of abuse.

You were completely out of order in my opinion. It was passive aggressive and stirring up trouble. If you are a teacher then you should have known better.

Hmm its a tricky one , our local school sent a letter home recently regarding not using social media in a malicious way. Who decides if its malicious, using names is obviously a no-no! ....but its an institution, and that means its answerable to parents who entrust them with their kids. But I think your daughter was a bit ...needs to unclench a bit...10 or 100?