Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have said this to supermarket worker?

124 replies

Sockstealer · 25/11/2014 19:59

There's a guy in my local supermarket who irritates the hell out of me, he's completely over the top bordering on inappropriate and I try to avoid his queue like the plague.

The first time I encountered him he seemed very friendly but quickly became over friendly, asking what I was doing that night and then joking loudly that he might 'see me there', while another employee stood by his side giggling.

A few weeks ago dp and I had an 'unexpected item in the bagging area' and this guy came over and started loudly saying "oohhh I'll have to count all your items as incase you're trying to steal something".

He'll say things such as "I knew it was you I can recognise you from behind". His absolute favourite line is "cheer up love/darling, it might never happen".

These are just a few examples. I'm always pleasant to the staff and I'm happy to make small talk, but generally just want to get in and out and I find his behaviour too much.

Anyway today I popped in after work and school run. I was in a hurry and a bit hassled so went to self checkout. He was there.

While I was waiting for a free checkout somebody had left a random trolley in the middle of the aisle and he came up to me and said or should I say yelled in his over the top sing song voice "is this yours, you can't just leave it there you know". It wasn't mine and I said so. Then he pointed me to the next free self service. I thanked him and started to scan and bag my stuff. He then started asking "are you alright today love", "not too bad" I said. Then he got right up in my face leaning over me and said "miserable today aren't you, what's the matter? Not your usual self are you?".

At which point I'd bagged my shopping turned around and said "it's you, you need to tone it down a bit" and walked out.

I was probably childish but I feel better for it.

I hate strangers telling me to 'cheer up' when they've no idea what might be going on. It was the last straw.

OP posts:
Jux · 26/11/2014 16:48

Channel Maggie Smith: "Young man, I am capable of both great happiness and deep joy. Sadly, it would seem you are incapable of even the most basic courtesies. Perhaps you should consider a role further behind the scenes."

KellyElly · 26/11/2014 16:52

sparklecrates Really? So do you think he would make the same kind of 'cheery' comments to a man? Telling him to cheer up, recognising him from behind etc. This is not about georgraphy, it's about the usual uninvited bollocks that women put up with on a daily basis. Should we just smile and play along no matter what we feel so we don't get categorised as cheerless Southerners?

stormtreader · 26/11/2014 17:25

I think people have hit the nail on the head with "Would he act this way towards a man?" - if the answer is no and you find it unpleasant then you are totally within your rights to ask him to stop. Youre not there for his amusement or to be his straightman, and youre allowed to look however you wish to on your own time. Im not sure I understand how a few previous posters seem to think he gets to tell you how to act, but if you try and tell him then youre being unreasonable.

Have a word with the manager about it - I doubt youre the only woman he does this to and it may well be causing people to avoid the shop. Worse case, he gets in an arse with you and gives you the silent/grumpy treatment, oh dear, wouldnt that be a shame ;)

Esmum07 · 26/11/2014 17:40

sparklescrate 'Cheery' is a nice smile and a good morning/afternoon/evening. Not 'are you miserable today' or 'cheer up' or other comments. You talk about the weather/Christmas coming/any plans for the weekend. Not stick your face up close to a customer. Very very rude.

sparklecrates · 26/11/2014 23:29

I think it's worth doing a bit of surveillance. . or perhaps going in padded up or in men's clothes- to see how he behaves with different people or different body shapes. Gather evidence and then it might be easier to decide what to do?

trufflesnout · 27/11/2014 00:08

Gather evidence and then it might be easier to decide what to do?

Or just not do that and file a complaint. Why does it matter whether or not he'd treat a man that way - he treated OP horribly and he deserves to be pulled up on it, it doesn't matter if the person he confronts is male or female.

sparklecrates · 27/11/2014 00:21

Its very important when inconvenienced to make sure someone is fired just before Christmas. Won't somebody think of the children?

trufflesnout · 27/11/2014 03:18

Who cares when he's fired? His employer will follow their complaints procedure and if they decide to sack him then the blame lays firmly on his shoulders for being a dick.

Bearleigh · 27/11/2014 03:37

There was a similar ultra-cheery man at my local supermarket, on the self serve tills. I noticed after a while that he was always patronising in his cheeriness towards women - 'ooh you're not doing very well are you' that sort of thing, so made a complaint when he patronised me, as well as asking him not to patronise me. His behaviour towards men was markedly different, and someone has to be the first to complain...

Lilacflower · 27/11/2014 08:45

yeah complain to the manager. I used to work in a supermarket and they won't fire him, he'll get a warning or talking to. after the complaint go in again to see if he's still doing it. if he is, complain again.

No he wouldn't do this to a man. I have noticed a difference in the way people (men) speak to me when I'm myself and with DH. It's bullshit and we shouldn't have to put up with it.

sparklecrates · 27/11/2014 21:10

would you complain if it was a nice old lady saying cheer up and I can recognise you from behind?

Whatisaweekend · 27/11/2014 21:34

I avoid our tosser of a local newsagent for this very reason - stupid, in your face "banter". The most annoying thing is that he never says anything to my dh or any men in the queue. Grrrrr Angry

marnia68 · 27/11/2014 21:40

supermarkets round here employ a lot of people with special needs

usualsuspect333 · 27/11/2014 21:44

How dare those supermarket workers talk to you.

Get him sacked just before Christmas, that will learn him.

WookieCookiee · 27/11/2014 21:50

sparklecrates it's highly improbable that a "nice old lady" would say those things, admittedly i am using myself as the example here but every time I
Have been told to cheer up or give a smile it is by a man or men.

OP the assistant has overstepped the mark here, and it would put me off shopping there, his remarks are too personal.

Sockstealer · 27/11/2014 22:32

I haven't actually said that I'm going to complain, I haven't complained and I don't intend to. I think what he does goes beyond just talking, shop employees talk to me every time I shop and I don't think anyone's ever riled me the way he does. He mostly irritates and makes me uncomfortable, but leaning around into my face saying I'm miserable today crossed the line.

I've avoided the shop today because he makes me so uncomfortable and I usually pop in every couple of days.

It wouldn't make any difference who said these things, man, woman, young or old. In fact my favourite employee in that particular shop is an older man who works there, and I'll go to his checkout if I can as he's so pleasant. So for me it's not a man vs woman thing it's a courtesy thing. Anyone should stop and think before demanding to know why somebody is 'miserable today'.

I strongly suspect that he hasn't got any learning difficulties, I suspect that some customers enjoy his banter, and he enjoys laughing at the 'miserable' ones who don't. If he does have LD, then his employers obviously aren't supporting him very well.

And I don't see supermarket employees as the 'lower orders', how ridiculous. I've worked in shops myself and would again. I think people in retail are on the whole underpaid and undervalued. And I've seen some deal with some real crap from customers.

I'm far from one of these people who gets upset when somebody doesn't know where the garlic is.

OP posts:
ocelot41 · 28/11/2014 17:54

I don't mind a bit of banter but this is irritating and overly intrusive. How do you feel about internet shopping?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 28/11/2014 18:07

This isn't just banter and chattiness, it's making OP uncomfortable and the constant questioning and comments about recognising her from behind would unnerve most people.

Let's not turn this into a thing about how-dare-supermarket-workers-address-miserable-cows: it's not that. It's inappropriate and uncomfortable, and as others have pointed out, I doubt he'd do it to a bloke.

TittyBojangles · 28/11/2014 18:18

Manicinsomniac, is the supermarket you are referring to by any chance in a town beginning with k? If so I think I know who you mean and I avoid his till like the plague.

JapaneseMargaret · 28/11/2014 18:29

The usual disengenous AIBU lot are out in this thread, I see.

Yes, that's right, supermarket workers talking to customers is abhorrent, unacceptable, and absolutely what this thread is about...

usualsuspect333 · 28/11/2014 19:14

Signing in. Wink

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/11/2014 20:03

That really annoying chat chit bollocks is exactly the reason why Tesco rejected me at interview.

I refuse to bore the fuck and annoy the customers.

Bulbasaur · 28/11/2014 20:19

Meh, you'll probably just be seen as yet another snappy customer that min-wage workers are stuck putting up with day to day. I doubt he'll take it personally or even take it under consideration.

If you really have a problem, a serious word about how he's acting would have a bigger impact than just making a snippy remark.

FrancesNiadova · 28/11/2014 20:46

Ewwwwww! He reminds me of a waiter we encountered on a work lunch out.....I never did take him up on his offer of Cheesy Chips!Blush

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread