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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have said this to supermarket worker?

124 replies

Sockstealer · 25/11/2014 19:59

There's a guy in my local supermarket who irritates the hell out of me, he's completely over the top bordering on inappropriate and I try to avoid his queue like the plague.

The first time I encountered him he seemed very friendly but quickly became over friendly, asking what I was doing that night and then joking loudly that he might 'see me there', while another employee stood by his side giggling.

A few weeks ago dp and I had an 'unexpected item in the bagging area' and this guy came over and started loudly saying "oohhh I'll have to count all your items as incase you're trying to steal something".

He'll say things such as "I knew it was you I can recognise you from behind". His absolute favourite line is "cheer up love/darling, it might never happen".

These are just a few examples. I'm always pleasant to the staff and I'm happy to make small talk, but generally just want to get in and out and I find his behaviour too much.

Anyway today I popped in after work and school run. I was in a hurry and a bit hassled so went to self checkout. He was there.

While I was waiting for a free checkout somebody had left a random trolley in the middle of the aisle and he came up to me and said or should I say yelled in his over the top sing song voice "is this yours, you can't just leave it there you know". It wasn't mine and I said so. Then he pointed me to the next free self service. I thanked him and started to scan and bag my stuff. He then started asking "are you alright today love", "not too bad" I said. Then he got right up in my face leaning over me and said "miserable today aren't you, what's the matter? Not your usual self are you?".

At which point I'd bagged my shopping turned around and said "it's you, you need to tone it down a bit" and walked out.

I was probably childish but I feel better for it.

I hate strangers telling me to 'cheer up' when they've no idea what might be going on. It was the last straw.

OP posts:
IckleBones · 26/11/2014 09:37

Yanbu, people who tell me to cheer up or to give them a smile I think arsehole.

I also frequently encounter a strange person who from the beginning acts like he knows me well enough to ask my personal business and offer a shoulder to cry on and im a practical stranger. barf he is creepy more than anything.

BooDidIScareYou · 26/11/2014 09:41

If it happens again, go to another member of staff and ask for the duty manager. I work for a big retailer and we take things like this really seriously - if he does it to all the customers he interacts with every day, some of those might eventually decide to shop elsewhere because of it, which we obviously don't want!!

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/11/2014 10:04

Report him to his manager. Right now. Call up the branch.

He was grossly inappropriate and invasive. 'Recognise you from behind' and all the rest of it. Not ok.

In each exchange, he knows you are uncomfortable - he is taking control of every interaction in an intrusive, inappropriate and completely unprofessional way.

Ugh.

sparklecrates · 26/11/2014 10:06

Fancy trying to be friendly in England! Its so johnny foreigner or working class!

sparklecrates · 26/11/2014 10:08

The lower orders need to know their place! Staff that are too familiar with the family must be discharged forthwith!

Jux · 26/11/2014 10:14

You could pre-empt him, and as soon as you get near him say "yes, I'm a miserable bitch" and see if he shuts up. (I'm sure you're not, btw.) On the other hand it might encourage him. There's nothing worse about shopping than having to avoid a particular member of staff.

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/11/2014 10:16

That's bollocks, sparkle. This is not a class issue or xenophobia.The man wasn't being friendly. There was nothing 'nice and cheerful' about his behaviour. He was intrusive and needs to be pulled up on this sort of crap.

It would be the same if he was some bloke at the pub, or someone the OP worked with : inappropriate and intrusive behaviour.

EatShitDezza · 26/11/2014 10:24

There is a man similar in a local store. I think he is great. He knows when he's gone to far as he gets told 'to stop being a dick'

I got him back when I saw him out of work in Tesco and shouted 'ohh he's stealing, hes stealing'

He was followed around the store and I couldn't help but laugh.

This guy sounds like he doesn't know when to stop though. I think you should mention something to the manager.

ElizabethLemon · 26/11/2014 10:27

Hahaha, your post made me laugh op. He sounds like a tosser and I think you were restrained in your response.

I often get told to "cheer up" or "give us a smile" by strangers, I must have a naturally miserable face. It's drives me mad though!

SaucyJack · 26/11/2014 10:36

He doesn't sound like he has SN to me. Just your common or garden sleaze who thinks women exist purely to stroke his ego.

Yuck.

When I am Queen, all the "krazy with a K" types will be first up against the wall.

quietbatperson · 26/11/2014 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparklecrates · 26/11/2014 10:57

The lower orders shouldn't be intrusive!

SaucyJack · 26/11/2014 10:58

Well said sparklecrates

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/11/2014 10:59

You're the only one describing this man as from the 'lower orders' sparkle! I didn't think of him in those terms.

I think you're exposing your own prejudices Grin

sparklecrates · 26/11/2014 11:00

ok I'll stop now. I was just making a point about how disabled we are as a culture in dealing with direct contact. Most petiole would prefer to walk around in a non-interactive bubble. . essentially on our own in public.. than suffer the horror of having to be friendly. . or any type of interact with another human. It is Emglish you know. . not universal

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/11/2014 11:01

Hmm....prejudice against a particular country huh? Wink

MrFMercury · 26/11/2014 11:01

He's not called Rafe is he?

sparklecrates · 26/11/2014 11:04

Its not predjudice! its obvious! England esp. southern england has massively unfriendly social rules!

SaucyJack · 26/11/2014 11:05

And what exactly is the problem in not want to engage with tiresome idiots be friendly?

I was not put on this Earth for the entertainment of other people.

EatShitDezza · 26/11/2014 11:08

I'm in Yorkshire where it's pretty friendly. But I could still see this man described in the OP annoying us lot here.

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/11/2014 11:12

Look, sparkle, I can't comment on that. But whilst friendliness and warmth = good, rude and invasive behaviour and comments = bad. And this man was the latter.

Your argument is exactly that which someone like him would use to excuse all his comments about her body etc : 'ooooh I was just being friendly! What's happened to England!?'

Hectoring people isn't ok, and men being aggressively 'chirpy' and in-your-face with women, expecting a specific response and being unpleasant when the other person dares not to obey, is all too depressingly familiar.

Marmiteandjamislush · 26/11/2014 11:32

YWNBU to feel as you felt and to say something to him. However, I think you were a little unreasonable to say 'it's you' as you have written here as it reads as if you are 'attacking his personality' rather than addressing his behaviour IYSWIM. I work in disability law and DPO's part time and we do have a lot of clients with psychosocial impairments who work in service areas at supermarkets as it plays to their strengths and allows social interaction within a 'script' which allows them to feel comfortable and raises their self-esteem. This man was clearly inappropriate with you, and even if he has ANs this should be addressed by his managers and those supporting him. It's just that many of our clients have been constantly told 'it's you who is odd, has the problem' which lowers their self esteem even further. So you do have be careful, but it sounds like you were by and large, so I'm not criticising.

My advice would be when you go in again go to his til and act as you normally would

Lushlush · 26/11/2014 14:14

Yes op you should go ahead and report him. He sounds a right annoying twat.

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 26/11/2014 15:01

"cheer up" is very far from friendly. Its fucking intrusive TBH

Libra · 26/11/2014 15:12

He sounds similar to a man at our local supermarket who makes the comment 'Oh, I think I will have to ask for some ID - you don't look old enough to me!' every time anyone buys a bottle of wine.
Yes, it sounds lovely the first time he says it, but he says it to me every time he serves me (once or twice a week I should add rather than me buying wine every day) and after a couple of years it really begins to grate. I am turning 50 next year and really don't look like I need ID but also don't need this line from someone thirty years younger than me. Particularly since he says it before looking up.
I have seen him panic an older couple and also a tourist from abroad who thought he was refusing to sell the wine to them and started searching through handbags (the older couple) and handed the wine back (the tourist).
I lost it one day when I was not in a good mood and just told him 'You say this every time to me. It is not funny, it is not flattering, it is just irritating and I try to avoid your till'.
He avoids me now so that seemed to have worked!

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