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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have said this to supermarket worker?

124 replies

Sockstealer · 25/11/2014 19:59

There's a guy in my local supermarket who irritates the hell out of me, he's completely over the top bordering on inappropriate and I try to avoid his queue like the plague.

The first time I encountered him he seemed very friendly but quickly became over friendly, asking what I was doing that night and then joking loudly that he might 'see me there', while another employee stood by his side giggling.

A few weeks ago dp and I had an 'unexpected item in the bagging area' and this guy came over and started loudly saying "oohhh I'll have to count all your items as incase you're trying to steal something".

He'll say things such as "I knew it was you I can recognise you from behind". His absolute favourite line is "cheer up love/darling, it might never happen".

These are just a few examples. I'm always pleasant to the staff and I'm happy to make small talk, but generally just want to get in and out and I find his behaviour too much.

Anyway today I popped in after work and school run. I was in a hurry and a bit hassled so went to self checkout. He was there.

While I was waiting for a free checkout somebody had left a random trolley in the middle of the aisle and he came up to me and said or should I say yelled in his over the top sing song voice "is this yours, you can't just leave it there you know". It wasn't mine and I said so. Then he pointed me to the next free self service. I thanked him and started to scan and bag my stuff. He then started asking "are you alright today love", "not too bad" I said. Then he got right up in my face leaning over me and said "miserable today aren't you, what's the matter? Not your usual self are you?".

At which point I'd bagged my shopping turned around and said "it's you, you need to tone it down a bit" and walked out.

I was probably childish but I feel better for it.

I hate strangers telling me to 'cheer up' when they've no idea what might be going on. It was the last straw.

OP posts:
Jill2015 · 25/11/2014 21:47

YANBU and you were quite restrained in your response. Like another poster upthread, I'd probably have snapped at him, and then regretted it.

toothlessoldhag · 25/11/2014 21:49

YWNBU. Poor you!. I like friendliness most of the time but this was out of order. If he actually encroaches on your space again could you say nice and loudly "kindly move away from me, you're out of order" or similar?

HeyheyheyGoodbye · 25/11/2014 21:59

YANBU. There are shops I don't go to anymore because of this crap. He sounds like a right dickhead.

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 25/11/2014 22:08

Of course he wouldn't do this to a man. He wouldn't dare. This is just normal crap that women have to put up with.

TheFarSide · 25/11/2014 22:19

YANBU ... and agree with others that you should have a chat with the manager, possibly as a concerned customer. People with learning disabilities/social communications issues (if that is the cause of his behaviour) are capable of learning what constitutes appropriate behaviour and this should be part of his customer service training.

Lilacflower · 25/11/2014 22:25

YANBU he sounds awful and, if it were me, I would avoid going into that shop.

TheWanderingUterus · 25/11/2014 23:22

YANBU.

I have no problem with normal friendly interactions, chit chat etc in the supermarket, but i have some social issues myself and the sort of behaviour you have described from him would make me nervous. I find that sort of person quite unpredictable and they put me on edge. I have avoided shops with staff like this because i dont feel comfortable.

And the 'smile love' drives me absolutely crazy. I have quite a stern face and I am usually miles away in my own thoughts. I get it regularly, always from men, whereas DH never gets it at all, despite having a solemn face too. The best example was when I had just had a miscarriage and had to struggle out for painkillers. The man who called me a sullen bitch after I ignored his demand to smile looked appropriately shocked when i dissolved into loud sobs. Hopefully he learned his lesson but I doubt it.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 25/11/2014 23:23

YANBU. Before I opened this thread I was expecting a snooty cah grimacing at a checkout assistant for asking if you needed a bag but what you describe is not right. There's nothing wrong with being friendly but you should never cross the line and invade a persons space in that way. He shouldn't be making comments about your appearance at all and a friendly "how are you today?" Should suffice when it comes to making conversation. I think you gave him some valuable input and hopefully you won't be the only one to do so. I used to love browsing in my local Quality Save until they put an obnoxious loudmouth on the checkout. He said to the woman in front about a pregnancy test "No need to ask what you've been getting up to!" The poor woman went bright red and started struggling to bag her stuff and sort her card and receipt out which made him worse where he started asking if she'd "been on the pop". Hmm Me and another lady went to a different checkout.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 25/11/2014 23:38

Oh and I used to work in retail myself. Most people liked a friendly chat but some gave off a "just scan my shit and leave me alone as I've had a ball ache of a day" vibe. I always knew when to be friendly and when to be silent and I hope people appreciated that. Sometimes it works the other way too. My friend had some bad news regarding her health and was very quiet in work for a while. She was still professional and polite but not very chatty. She was complained about twice. I thought that was horrible. She did her job, she just didn't comment on the purchases or ask where anyone was going that weekend. She died of cervical cancer 8 months after her diagnosis. Her job was her escape in the beginning but I felt so sorry for her that she was hauled into our managers office for a dressing down and ended up having to explain herself before she had fully digested everything in her own time.

DramaAlpaca · 25/11/2014 23:44

manicinsomniac I'm sure I know the store you mean and the cashier. I encountered him when visiting my parents who live near there. Very strange man...

kiwimumof2boys · 26/11/2014 01:01

It sounds like the guy has SN (as several others have pointed out), and isn't aware of customer social boundaries.
I would have a talk to the supermarket manager about this, and if it is a decent manager they will take appropriate action. (I worked in a supermarket when I was at school and we had SN people come and help us out, often they came from a school/agency who had trained teachers/social workers to assist them. Hopefully the manager would have a word with one of the agency support people and they could deal specifically with the problem).

Ugh hate 'cheer up it might never happen' and I'm sorry that some previous posters have had it said to them when they were genuinely suffering. Flowers

Tammy1212 · 26/11/2014 01:08

Wow he sounds so irritating. You didn't do anything wrong he sounds ridiculously annoying I bet he is single lol

BringMeTea · 26/11/2014 01:30

YADNBU. And he should be reported for reasons stated by several posters. Some of us find this kind of in your face behaviour anxiety-inducing. Not what you want when you're spending your money there.

On a side note... i really want the Lakes supermarket to be Booths in Keswick, cute dogs tied up outside and a maverick cashier clown serenading customers inside... Smile

trufflesnout · 26/11/2014 06:05

Tbh sock I would go ahead and file a complaint - and not feel any guilt about it

meglet · 26/11/2014 06:39

Yanbu. I like chatting with supermarket staff but being told to "cheer up"" is bloody rude.

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/11/2014 07:16

Wrt special needs. In my experience it is unlikely (though of course my experience is anecdotal, not all encompassing) that a supermarket will put an emoloyee with special needs or social difficulties on the tills. Because of the pressure it would put on the employee themselves.

Despite what a great many of the general public think, working in that dept is hugely stressful and relentless.

Poolomoomon · 26/11/2014 07:27

It's funny because I think the Lakes supermarket one sounds hilarious even though it's wholly inappropriate and unprofessional to comment on a woman's chest size of course! Something about that made me giggle and I think it'd brighten my day in a really embarrassing and strange way, even the serenading...

But this one sounds like an utter dickwad. The worst comment was the "cheer up love it might never happen", as soon as I read he'd said that I knew he was a cunt of the highest order. If there's any saying I hate it's that one... And it's right, it is only ever said to women. It's the comments on how "miserable" you look and stuff that gets me, how does he know you don't have a serious fucking reason to be miserable? I've also had it often because my natural face looks solemn without meaning to. Irritating.

Personally, I'd complain but he'll almost definitely know it's you who complained and I doubt it'll get him fired so there's a possibility he'll carry on and make an even snidier remark. Possibly vote with your purse and don't go there anymore. Surely other customers have wanted to complain? I hate 'banter' and I hate over the top in your face "I just call a spade a spade, what you see is what you get." Type people too. The most annoying kind.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 26/11/2014 07:45

Unfortunately I don't think he took it on board because as I was walking away he was saying "ooowah", as if to say I was touchy

See, this is the bit that makes me think there are no SN at play, he's just a wanker. If he had social difficulties, you quietly saying "you need to tone it down" but be taken very much to heart because he wouldn't WANT to be upsetting you.

I think tinkerbell had it right. I bet he never gets right up in men's faces and tells them to cheer up.

If people want to worry about people with special needs, worry about the many many customers who will have difficulty coping with someone getting so close to them and interrogating them about their feelings.

seagull70 · 26/11/2014 07:46

I would find his behaviour very intimidating (I suffer with anxiety and depression) and would probably travel to a shop 10 miles in the opposite direction to avoid this type of confrontation.

I thought that your response was very restrained but I really think you should report him

LongDistanceLove · 26/11/2014 07:53

It sounds like the guy needs retraining to be honest, on what is and isn't appropriate to say to customers.

It's ok being friendly and chatty, but you need to know where to draw the line.

Jill2015 · 26/11/2014 08:07

Unfortunately I don't think he took it on board because as I was walking away he was saying "ooowah", as if to say I was touchy, he probably just has me down as a miserable cow and I will just avoid him even more and probably that shop whenever possible.

That would really p1ss me off.

I wonder how he would react if someone got in his face and said BACK OFF!
Management in the shop must see his behaviour, or have had it mentioned to them previously.

sparklecrates · 26/11/2014 08:08

You did the right thing. He sounds like he is proud of his entertaining manner but needs the boundaries fine tuned. I worked in a shop for years and still regret the one time I said 'oh ho wrecking the shop are we?' to someone that just wasn't in the mood or able to pick up the smiley devil may care way I meant it. To say ot direct to him so he can learn and adjust is to give him respect .. a lesser person would have magnified it and maybe got him fired. If he is being a twat without trying to be nice and jovial then do it again! well done for slapping him down a bit.. It might improve his oatter!

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 26/11/2014 08:10

I've happily reported over enthusiastic, or indeed under enthusiastic, staff to customer services before. It's inappropriate and unprofessional, and retail staff always seem keen to be seen as valuable on here, and that's the payoff - behave professionally if you want to be respected. I also always mention helpful and pleasant staff to customer srvices too, that's the reward - if you're lovely to me, I'll absolutely return the favour and let your bosses know.

BeeOrchid · 26/11/2014 08:20

I was told "Cheer up, it might never happen" by one of the paramedics who was taking my mother to the hospice where she died 4 days later.

Incredible. It was happening. He was part of it. Ffs

Didn't say it to my dad.

Minesril · 26/11/2014 09:03

Anyone who says "cheer up it might never happen" deserves dipping in salt.

Anyone who says "cheer up love it might never happen" deserves being skinned first.

Wankers.

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