To think that anyone who has Dc's with a Dp without getting married doesn't realise how precarious their situation is ?

[kittensinmydinner]

Just that really. Have just spent 6 months supporting best friend after her 'd' p met and left her for OW and 'soul mate' in May. leaving her with 5 dcs. He married in September despite not believing it when bf wanted to. She is entitled to nothing except maintenance (which wouldn't come close to paying the mortgage). She has been SAHM for 19 yrs and supported his carreer trajectory as a very big earner but is not entitled to anything in the way of pension or property. So aibu in thinking that primary carers who give up work or reduce their income to look after dcs do so without being aware exactly how vulnerable they are financially. (unless of course they have their own private income . )

The name is neither hear nor there-you don't have to change your name if you marry.
It isn't for security (although that can come into it)-it is to make sure that you get the very best of options -for the man too.
My friend (male) got married for financial reasons when both of them have high flying jobs and have no intention of having children. They popped to the registry office in their lunch break.
There are all sorts of odd things that you might not have considered, unless you have been to a solicitor-and a marriage certificate is a lot cheaper than solicitor fees!

whoops -'here nor there'!

I have children with my DP and am unmarried. The house is in joint names, joint mortgage, mirror wills leaving everything to our children specifically. My business, which brings in most income, is in my name only. As are most of the banks accounts. He has parental responsibility for all the DC. Pensions state partner and kids as beneficiaries.

The only disadvantage we are at as far as I can see is that we cant pass assets over the IT threshold to the other without paying IT.

I think I'm in a damn site better position that the many married women I know who have to ask their high earning husbands for permission to spend money on. a hair cut, or buy things for the kids.

Yes, very unreasonable to make this generalisation.

I had my kids without marrying their father as I had a good job and owned my own house and he had neither.

So by not marrying I was protecting myself god forbid we should split.
I was very aware of the pros and cons of marrying

Good to raise awareness of the vulnerabilities without marriage but there are risks in getting married too. It depends on individual circumstances. Everyone needs to check out their own situation.

its stated in our will that children cared for by the other in the event if one death and the guardian are named for if both die.

I don't see the big drama about being unmarried as long as you make wills and have the house in both names. no passing of IT and no widows pension is the only legal diasadvantage.

My great uncle and my grandfather both remarried late in life.
Their estates went to the new wife's family.
The families, whom we had never met, sold everything within days of the new wives' deaths and my mother got nothing. She couldn't even get a few keepsakes that had belonged to her mother because the step family sold the house and contents literally within weeks of the stepmother's death.

They refused to let any of our side of the family bid for anything.

We are talking about houses and land as well as contents.
It cause my mum so much heartache as her mother had died young.

Her father and her uncle died suddenly, not long after marrying in their 60s, and neither had made new wills.

I wish to god I hadn't bothered getting married to my DS's dad.

Divorce is long, complicated and expensive.