To think that people who interrupt people who are reading are really, really bloody rude.

[Niamhisnotarealname]

Scenario; sat eating lunch, reading happily. Woman from work exclaims 'oh, are you eating on your own? l'l sit with you!' and then without waiting for me to answer plonks herself down with a big smile and starts eating, clearly expecting me to talk to her.
I, carry on reading. When she is finished she gets up and says in a snarky fashion 'well that was enlightening, thank you'
I reply, 'its nothing personal, I just like to read on my own at lunch.' (thinking, hence why i was sat on my own, reading) She says, 'well just so you know I got rid of 4000 books before I moved here'. ?

there's another one that does it too. says hi, asks if i'm having a nice day (to which i politely say hi, yes thank you) and then proceeds to ask me about what i'm reading. and so i have to stop reading and talk.

It really winds me up, which is why today i just sat reading instead of starting a conversation like she clearly expected.

What is it about these people that makes them think that their time and what they want is more important than my time and what i want?

Raaarrrgghhhhhh

Oh well, you can tell who the people are here who would think nothing of interrupting someone deep in a book, and who would get arsey if that person didn't then sit and chat with them. Your work colleagues aren't there to provide you with entertainment in your lunch break. If they want to chat then fine, but if they want some quiet time let them have it. How the hell can it be rude to carry on doing what you want in your lunchbreak FFS?

I read in bed while my partner watches TV. When the ad breaks come on, I'm expected to make conversation. We've been together 10 years and I still have to explain that my book doesn't have 15 minutely intervals. Apparently I am unreasonable.

I'm so with you OP.

I like my team we all get on well but just sometimes I've either reached a really good bit in my book and can't wait till after work or just need 30 minutes to myself.

It even worse now as I travel in & out with OH, before I could be antisocial on the train..

I hate being interrupted when reading, but I do think you were a little rude OP. I find the best thing to do when they try and join is say something like "You're welcome to sit down, but I'm at a really good part of my book so I won't be very good company I'm afraid" then stick your nose back in the book with a friendly smile.

Vycount because most people in a civilised society agree it is rude not to reply when someone speaks to you.

Norma - Buy a spade, lean it up against the wall near the TV. He clearly needs a visual reminder!

Yanbu!

I don't think it's that clearcut. Imagine if someone posted on here "I go to the work canteen for lunch every day but nobody ever says a word to me. It's so embarrassing I take a book so at least I can pretend to do something, but I wish people would at least say hello." Would you think they were being completely unreasonable?

Skylarks got it.

People do use books as props to cover up shyness/being alone. Read any article about women eating out in restaurants and every one will tell you to take a book to stop you feeling selfconscious and give you something to do. It's not expected that you genuinely want to read that book. It's the sort of thing people really do. and would do in a works canteen.

A real reader would never interrupt another reader. But most people aren't readers. Most people would assume actually you are just trying to save face/occupy yourself while inside you were dying for someone to talk to. They are being kind (if annoying).

It's not hard to spot the real readers from the pretend readers. the pretend readers will dip in and out, will make eye contact with others, will give out some social signals. Usually, unless they are incredibly shy. If someone is really engrossed in a book it's rude to interrupt them. But if people never read a book themselves, or maybe once a year on a beach, they don't understand why you are reading.

Yanbu my dp does this often - in his case it's because he assumes I'm bored The only time I ever see him with a book is on a sun bed whereas I permanently have a book to hand and would rather read than watch tv, he just doesn't get it.
Nothing imo more irritating than the dreaded 'what you reading' because he isn't really interested in the answer just thinks I want a chat!

I have this problem too, OP.

I don't want to appear rude, but I really do want to read. I don't mind a hello and a few minutes chit chat, but then I want to go back to my book.

Any ways of saying I need to read this?

headphones - if someone comes up to you take them out of your eras, but hold them near your ears to show that you have only taken them out for a moment and have every intention of putting them back in.

I want to be left alone to read too. So does dd, who even at school is expected by the teachers not to read but to run around and 'play'. You'd think that at school they'd be pleased to see a child who wants to read, but no.

I have been 'rude' to many people in my time, while I have been reading and insisted on continuing to read. Most of them were complete strangers who seemed to think that their desire to chat me up trumped my desire to do what I was doing before they even knew I existed. I am happy to share my table with a stranger if the place is busy, but if I am reading while having my lumch/coffee/whatever then that's what I'm doing. I am not on this earth to keep them amused no matter what they think. It is not a public duty so they can fuck off.

Ooh, I'm a bit crosser about it than I relised!

Those pesky folk talking to you i do get were you are coming from btw. Can you leave the building to er stop people being um friendly

Jux - I can see why the school wants your DD to run around. Most children who don't get running around time get a little 'fractious' later in the day. Much better to have them burning off energy. Unless she's 15 or something?

DS climbs the walls by home time when the weather is so bad they don't to get outside and run around.

YABU it was rude to continue reading. Pur-leeease!

YANBU, OP. Although you could have said 'Hi, look, nothing personal but I must warn you I just want to sit and read quietly; I'm not up for chatting.' But she was rude.

I like the idea of a reading table. And why should people have to leave the building or spend lunchtime in their car when there's a perfectly good staffroom/canteen?

This is exactly why cats are better than people. They can sit on your lap and you can carry on reading and both parties are happy. Also you are then unable to get up to do anything else except read.

I do think we have a duty to be polite to our fellow human and I'm a complete introvert by nature, but I was brought up by what I now realise was a very pro-social family in a very chatty part of the UK. I could not have ignored the woman. Although at some point (during a lull) I would likely have said I was going to continue reading. Then again I must give off an aloof air as I rarely attract a crowd at work!

It's seems sometimes that folk are considered rude for doing exactly as the please in their own time.

I think, in the OP's situation, it'd have been polite to make a couple of small-talk responses then smile and say, 'sorry, I really want to read this before I go back to work, I'm no good for chat today'.

But I do find it annoying when people insist on talking to you. I used to commute (infrequently) to somewhere four hours away, and sometimes you would get people who simply couldn't seem to understand that this was time I was using to work, and I didn't want to keep stopping to chat. Especially since I spent a lot of time reading about medieval anti-semitism, male violence and rape narratives, and a lot of theology, and there is no quick way to explain that without sounding as if you are anti-semitic, rabidly feminist (which I'm ok with), or a born-again Christian.

Yackity, it went on through Year 7 and 8. She did spend some break times with friends, but also wanted to sit and read quietly sometimes.

She's 15 now and does what she likes (luckily she's a sensible girl so what she likes is basically OK).

Dido, except when cats are 'helping' you to read, or indeed, reading too. The number of times my tabby blocks my book because he wants to read it .....

That's true Mrs. Since courtesy is thinking of others as well as yourself it's probably safe to say doing exactly as you please all the time is going to be rude at some point!

Bakewell, we may have a duty to be polite to our fellow humans and I agree with you on that, but do they not also have a duty to be polite to us? By interrupting me reading, they are disregarding my chosen occupation and assuming that I will find their company preferable.

I love people who will say "do you want company or are you happy reading? I won't disturb you then" and actually leave you alone. Of course, I am much happier to stop reading and chat to that person!

The most surprising approach I had on a train Jeanne was when someone on an Intercity said "Do you mind talking to people on trains?" I said not at all and then we chatted from Glasgow to Preston! I was travelling with a 2 year old so I wouldn't have been reading anyway. At Preston she asked a young guy sitting across from us to help me get all my stuff off, and only then did I realise it was her son - obviously he did mind talking on trains!

It struck me since it is like the telephone technique "Is now a good time for you to talk?" which stops you imposing on a reluctant listener.