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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really upset

19 replies

aftertherains · 23/11/2014 19:29

It is my birthday today and I booked a table for eight. It had all been arranged over two months ago and I had created an event on Facebook. I had expected a couple to drop out to be honest - however by Friday no one had so I rang the restaurant and 'upped' the numbers to twelve.

Yesterday SIX dropped out. Two were too unwell to come. One was tired. One has an ofsted inspection next week (teacher.) One doesn't have enough money (it's all paid for but she can't afford the travel down here.) One double booked me.

It was too late to amend the booking.

Utterly mortifying to be sat in the middle of a huge table with twice as much food as we needed.

AIBU to wonder why on earth they couldn't have given me more notice? It's made me feel rubbish - like I'm not even worth 48 hours notice. It really puts me off booking anything else in the future, too. This has been a really hard year for me (lost my dad) and I just think if they can't make the effort for me now, when can they?

I know the only answer really is to drop them. But it's so rubbish. Some of them are friends who literally go back years and I'm so upset - not that they didn't come, but that they didn't let me know in enough time to not look like a fool.

OP posts:

formerbabe · 23/11/2014 19:40

That is a poor effort. No wonder you are upset...I wouldn't say 'drop them' if this is a one off of shitty behaviour...a regular thing? Then bin 'em!

maddening · 23/11/2014 19:40

Actually the only ones who had a valid excuse where the poorly ones - may have just come on or hoped they would be better, the double booking depends on which they booked first and when they realised - so you'll never know - too tired, ofsted and couldn't afford it had enough notice to - get enough sleep/ prepare their work so it didn't prevent them coming to a meal/ save up ( unless it was a genuine financial emergency - eg lost job this week/car or household goods etc breaking - but if it were me I would have explained this so it probably isn't it)

saiyme09 · 23/11/2014 19:46

Personally I'd be pissed of too! However if people are properly ill and are being ofstead inspected ( who believe me strikes fear into the best of us) then really you can't blame them except it is very rude to not even text and explain 48 hours before! Can you get the food boxed up! Take it home with a bottle of something nice to drink! And eat and drink as much as your heart desires! And enjoy the company of the people that turned up

MagratsHair · 23/11/2014 19:48

Happy birthday OP

makeitabetterplace · 23/11/2014 19:49

The ofsted one - I absolutely would drop everything for ofsted, it's what all teachers do. We work til very, very late in school and get in at the crack of dawn when ofsted are there and to do anything else would feel horribly disloyal to the rest of the school and also leave me in a total panic that I wasn't ready.

However, and this is a biggie, ofsted don't give you notice over a weekend anymore... You get one or two days notice maximum and they don't do Mondays so this is odd...

I would be upset if this had happened to me. I remember one year getting hardly any cards / messages at all. I put a chirpy message on facebook thanking everyone for their cards and well wishes. I then got several comments of 'oh god, I forgot.' To which I replied 'yes, so did everyone, I was being sarcastic.'

I don't think it's personal though, people are just rubbish sometimes. Cut them some slack. Care about them a little less than you did and forge onwards!

Andthen · 23/11/2014 19:50

Sending you lots of love. That is a miserable thing to happen. Try to enjoy spending time with your friends that did make it.

Mammanat222 · 23/11/2014 19:53

Why did you have twice as much food as you needed?

BackforGood · 23/11/2014 19:56

Disappointing, although the ill people and the OFSTED one wouldnt have been able to tell you in advance as wouldn't have known.
The lthers should take a look at themselves though.
Am a bit puzzled why you still got food for the though - surely you would only order once there. You yould lose a small deposit per head at most. (Still annoying but dont see why you were surrounded by food)

Original poster

aftertherains · 23/11/2014 19:56

Mama - because I'd booked for 12 and there were only 6 of us?

I know about ofsted. I'm head of English in a secondary school. It was 2 hours on a Sunday and sorry - I wouldn't have cancelled last minute like that.

OP posts:

Original poster

aftertherains · 23/11/2014 19:58

Back, it was a country tea style thing. There's no need to be puzzled, it's just the sort of booking it was. That was why I had ensured it was organised months in advance and that people were aware of the date and so on.

OP posts:

sunflower49 · 23/11/2014 20:12

YANBU.

I once organised a gathering for 20 people and only 2 came! Most only let me down at the very last minute i.e the morning of the event. It was mortifying and really annoying getting text after text.

It makes you feel worthless doesn't it. People are so flaky. I don't bother nowadays.

Ofstead, I have friends who are teachers, I'm on the fence with that one... too tired and couldn't afford it can sod off , as can the double booked one. Hope you enjoyed the time with the friends who were there.

Only1scoop · 23/11/2014 20:14

Yanbu....

Your friends should have given you more notice very poor show.

Don't let it ruin the whole day have a

PerpetualStudent · 23/11/2014 20:16

Oh, that's lame, Im sorry.

I've had a few years when I tried to do meals for my birthday - last one was this spanish place which I'd been dying to go to, but you had to order tapas in advance, there were last min drop outs & confusions over the food - honestly I've come to the realisation that booking your own birthday meal is a mug's game.

I advise going to a pub next year, then you can happily celebrate with whoever turns up, & never mind those flakes :D

Coconutty · 23/11/2014 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

aftertherains · 23/11/2014 20:21

Coconutty - it was pre arranged. The wasted food isn't the point as we can eat it the point is I'm really upset my friends didn't show up and didn't even think I was worth decent notice. Thanks for kind comments. A bit bruised and hurt here!

OP posts:

Mulderandskully · 23/11/2014 20:22

You poor thing. Very poor behaviour. Happy birthday

Coconutty · 23/11/2014 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 23/11/2014 20:39

YANBU but unless its a special birthday I dont tend to prioritise adult birthdays when there is other stuff going on in life

LRB978 · 23/11/2014 20:49

OP, YANBU. I had words with a close family member today after cards were just left tucked away, presents weren't wrapped, I ended up buying myself a cake although it turns out a cake had been bought for me just never given... my birthday was Friday. Yes, I'm an adult, but I wouldn't do that to others and feel really let down and like my family don't give a shiny shit about me (straw, camel, back). Adult or not, birthday or not, to organise something and be let down by so many at the last minute stinks. Big hugs (mumsnetty or not) and a and from one birthday girl to another

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