To be feeling a bit, well, suspicious I guess?

[ShinyToyBuns]

I think I probably am.

Long story short, DH has recently started a new job, major improvement on previous job, new position is way better financially, long term prospects etc.

Lastnight he announced his sections plans for their work Christmas party.

The plan is a night out in our local city centre. No problem at all.

Then he adds on that they're all booking hotel rooms. I asked why, when we live 20 mins away by taxi. He replied they are all doing it.

I have a feeling I'm being really untrusting and paranoid but I cannot for the life of me see why anyone would need to pay out for a hotel room after their xmas party when they live so close and well quite frankly, unless they are planning on bringing someone back there.

I haven't yet said anything to him about it, as I'm not sure if IABU, or if I need to chill the fuck out.

So please, a virtual slap round the face or a grip would be good!

[WeAllHaveWings]

Nothing wrong with an Xmas party and rooms after, chances are they are getting rooms so they can all go back in one room and continue the party into the wee small hours. Great way to get to know his new work colleagues.

Just because he is staying late/on doesn't necessarily mean he's going to be falling over drunk. You might even find one or two singles (or married rats) get a bit jiggy. If my dh went to a do like that I would trust him 100% to not seriously break my trust (couldn't guarantee he would end up doing some stupid dare, but he wouldn't do anything really stupid or that would hurt me).

frank i'd be more likely to think my dp/dh was twelve if he needs to be home on time as he cannot make a decision not to "do coke" all by himself if he's out late

[ilovesooty]

I was referring to your comment about illicit drugs as I'm sure you realise.

[Mariposa10]

I know what being insecure is like, but believe me, tightening the grip will only make things worse. You can't control what he does or what he wants to do, which is to stay in a hotel room after his xmas party. If you need him home to help look after children or for some other practical reason, that is different. But you don't trust him and that's why you don't want him staying out.

When you say he is attractive, turns heads etc, you're being a bit silly - in your head he's gorgeous but, no offence, he may not seem that way to every other woman in the room. You feel that way because you feel threatened by other women and this is what you need to address. If he's going to cheat on you, he will, whether it is at his christmas party or on some other occasion. I think you need to relinquish the control and work on your feelings about yourself first.

[DurhamDurham]

Blimey it's a bit of a leap to go from staying the night in a hotel after a works night out to suggesting there may be drugs involved.

What a ridiculous assumption.

[frankbough]

His wife is feeling a little unsure about the situation, so it's ok for him to dismiss his wife's feelings so he fits in with the rest of his colleagues..

[frankbough]

I didn't say that Durham, I was using that example metaphorically...Just for clarification..

[WeAllHaveWings]

OP hasn't said anything to him about her feelings so he isn't dismissing anything.

OP admits her feelings are due to her own insecurities and she needs to work on them, not control/curfew her dh who hasn't given her any cause for concern apart from growing more handsome (lucky you OP!)

my dh would be very hurt if I told him I felt uncomfortable with him going to a works night out because I didn't trust him.

[ilovesooty]

He hasn't dismissed his wife's feelings. She hasn't talked to him about it.
And I think frankbough you meant hypothetically not metaphorically.

[frankbough]

Nope metaphorically. Sorry..

[Guiltypleasures001]

Hi op

One of the points you made in your post was Im a bit out of the loop. I think this is a stand out statement, you also look after your sn child and are a sahm.

I wonder if you are feeling left out and slightly unappreciated, would you like to go for a night out and over night stay in a hotel room? Are your needs met with regards to you time at all? Did your dh notice the weight loss and compliment you on your appearance? Are your needs being met or do you feel invisible.

Maybe you could go with him on the xmas do and stay with him

[frankbough]

She hasn't got a problem with her husband going on a works do, she has a problem with his suggestion that he stop away overnight when he only lives twenty mins away.. Read op fgs..

[trilbydoll]

DH might get a hotel room after his Xmas do and we only live 3miles away! Premier Inn is cheaper than the taxi and I don't want me and DD disturbed when he comes in.

I have every sympathy OP, DH works with some girls who may not be stunning but they are much skinnier than me and wear very few clothes but if that is what he wanted, he wouldn't have married me!

[ShinyToyBuns]

Wow. Wasn't expecting this many replies.

I am 110% certain that this is me overthinking things, DH is very attentive to me and has given me no reason to not trust him. So that leads me to the conclusion that my insecurities are making me feel so uneasy, this was confirmed pretty quick for me.

I haven't spoken to him because I genuinely want him to enjoy his time out and not be worrying that I'm panicking at home. Hence why I said in my OP I suspect I'm the one BU.

Just to clarify, I have no worry at all about drugs!

[chipsandpeas]

after reading plenty of posters on here moaning about their OH's coming home drunk maybe hes wise to get a hotel

and like others its certainly the norm where i work to get hotels if on a works night out

[Bumbiscuits]

He's your man and he loves you. I'm not speaking about the party, but in general, can you talk to him about how you feel? Will he give you the reassurance you need? If you have that chat, you might see the Xmas bash in a different light.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

It's normal, I think. I have an event on the 5th. I don't want to go but it's semi-mandatory and last year I ended up driving home at 3am. The events that I go to always go on and on and there's always somebody that wants to stop and chat to you, preventing you from sloping off.

You're not being unreasonable but I can see his side too - you really do have to follow the herd at these things sometimes.

[formerbabe]

Well I'd be suspicious and would not be happy....

However you will get the women on here telling you that they'd trust their husbands implicitly even if they were in a hotel room with a troupe of naked strippers and if you don't you are insecure and jealous. Not for one moment suggesting that is what would happen op obviously! I would imagine most would get pissed and pass out!

[HumblePieMonster]

The answer is for you to stay in the hotel room with him.

[Icimoi]

Nothing in any contract that says you must attend work functions..

But if you don't attend work functions, or habitually leave early, you could well find yourself being told at appraisals that you're not much of a team player/viewed as stand-offish etc.

[ilovesooty]

If he's the only person to find it necessary to bring his wife that will create an even more negative impression than not going at all.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Jesus frank, lighten up! It's a Christmas party! Is he supposed to ask his wife's permission too? Would she have to ask his if she wanted a night away with friends?

My dh went into town for a works do. They ended up hanging about on a snowy street at two in the morning for a pre-booked taxi which never materialised so they ended up flagging down another one to take them home. It would have been easier, cheaper and much less of a worry to just book a cheap travel lodge. Which is what they did the next time. It's the sensible solution and doesn't automatically lead to the person involved turning into some sort of drug-taking philandering teenager.

[PiratePanda]

Oh my lord, I love nothing better than going to a conference and having my own room and a whole bed TO MYSELF all night! No snoring DH, no windmilling, starfishing, kicking DS. Just me and clean white sheets. Bliss.

And I love my little family to death, no third party involvement ever.

You're being paranoid.