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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still think it's tricky with my two kids (3 and 1). I thought it's supposed to 'get easier'?!

42 replies

Heynowheynow · 22/11/2014 21:58

The only thing that's changed I think is my tolerance and ability to deal with stress. I still find days alone with them so, so hard and I respect SAHMs of little ones of this age so much.

How is everyone else finding it with this age group?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 22/11/2014 22:01

I also have a 2 year age gap....though mine are school age now. 3 and 1 is really difficult and stressful. Does your 3 year old go to preschool yet or use their 15 free hours? It gets much easier when they reach school age!

MothershipG · 22/11/2014 22:05

It does get easier - when they go to school Wink Sorry, not helpful.

I think 3 & 1 is a really hard stage, the 1 year old needs everything done for them but is getting mobile and needs watching like a hawk, while the 3 year old isn't really old enough to understand and the baby is starting to mess with their stuff! Seriously hard work and a juggling act!

The older my DC get the more I like them, mine are 12 & 14, it's a good stage, old enough to be largely independent, but not seriously teenage yet.

TenMinutesEarly · 22/11/2014 22:08

Yes 3 and 1 is tough. Mine are now 4 and 6 and much easier Grin

Monica101 · 22/11/2014 22:09

I only have one and I still find it very difficult. DD is 2.6 and has been such hard work for the last erm 2.6 years...

I am waiting for a let up but it doesn't ever seem to come. I couldn't imagine having another one. The only way I could manage I think is when DD goes to school full time so well done for coping with two little ones.

TattyDevine · 22/11/2014 22:09

It does get easier - I had this age gap, and those ages were possibly the hardest or some of the hardest.

But it is a beautiful age gap generally and its really not long until they are playing together independently of you apart from a bit of facilitation (I know they are all different and it doesn't always work out this way but lets assume!) - its just you are still in the thick of the full on years.

It might seem an absolute age until they are at school but it does get better, before they go to school, in fact it will get better and better pretty much from now on, and the days go long but the years go fast and before you know it you will have a 5 and 7 year old at school and things will be sweet for the time being.

It sounds so trite but really its not long to go before things really seem easier Grin

ConcreteElephant · 22/11/2014 22:11

2 year age gap here too- things eased up at 4 and 2 for me. It's hard at first, there's no denying it. I found 3 and 1 hard as the younger DC became more mobile, more interested in and capable of joining in wrecking the older one's games etc. Younger one needs help eating, painting etc. and it all takes away it seems from the older one.

It really does get better, my two play together beautifully now, it's lovely.

ConcreteElephant · 22/11/2014 22:12

Oh, I took too long to type. Could have saved myself the bother and just seconded MothershipG's post :)

pointythings · 22/11/2014 22:20

I have almost exactly two years between mine and I found that it started getting easier when DD2 really started talking - in proper sentences, that is. It meant she and DD1 could play interactively instead of just alongside each other, so they could keep themselves occupied for a while instead of always needing me for entertainment.

LST · 22/11/2014 22:28

I have a just 3 and 10mo... I find it so so so hard. Most days. I work ft but dp is a sahd in the week so I don't stop at all ever. Ds2 has also decided staying asleep at night isn't for him and wakes at about midnight to 3 every fucking night screaming and jumping up and down in his cot. He's still in with us as we only have 2 bedrooms and it wouldn't be fair on DS1 to share with a screaming baby.... (anyone have any tips with the lack of sleep???)

I feel your pain op Sad

MothershipG · 22/11/2014 22:55

Concrete Mine have never played nicely so it's good that you posted as you got to put the positive bit in! Grin But even that seems to be getting marginally better with age, and if I'm honest I didn't like my brother until after I left home and didn't have to live with him!

MrsPiggie · 22/11/2014 23:03

I found 3 and 1 the most difficult time. Sleepless nights with the young one, overactive older one, still having to push a pram around whilst holding a toddler's hand, different eating patterns, too young to play together, older one jealous of the younger one and getting annoyed by the baby. It gets better, at 6 and 4 it's much, much easier. Hang in there and don't despair just yet.

Stripeyfeet · 22/11/2014 23:05

1 year olds are difficult. They know what they want and they can't quite do it. 3 year olds can be bloody demanding. If gets better from HERE. Honestly :-)

Timeforabiscuit · 22/11/2014 23:08

Mine are six and four - they play together!! I cannot overstate how much this freedom this gives you!

Three and one is the toughest bit, I vividly remember treating mine like dogs (in a nice way! Think long walks in wet whether ) just in an attempt to get some semblance of control.

Annunziata · 22/11/2014 23:11

Wait until they are 18 and 21 and decide to go out partying together! Shock

No, it is hard. Just make sure you get out every day, no matter the weather, and really enjoy the nice parts.

Scrumbled · 22/11/2014 23:24

It does get easier but not yet, not at that age and gap.

edwinbear · 22/11/2014 23:42

3 and 1 was very tough. 3 year old struggled to understand the world didn't revolve around him anymore and the the 1 year old starting to move about and get into mischief. I now have 5 and 3 and it's so much easier in comparison, they entertain each other, I can reason with them both and they are fully aware of what is and isn't acceptable behaviour.

SetTheWorldOnFire · 22/11/2014 23:44

3 and 1 is still pretty awful in the grand scheme of things, I'd say 5 and 3 is where things start to get a lot better (sorry that's a long way off).

Original poster
Heynowheynow · 22/11/2014 23:48

Aww! Thank you so much for all of your posts - will read and re-read and read again!

I went back to work after DD turned 7mo as just could NOT cope with them all day together day in day out - so those who magage to be a SAHM I really do salute you.

A year on and things have improved a lot. More sleep rather than surviving on four hours.

I now work FT over four days (looong) days so I can spend three with my little ones - but despite an intense job it's the days with them that are bloody tough. And DH hardly ever has a day off when I do. Passing ships.

The cute moments are really cute and I do want to just suck them in. Much hilarity ensued this evening when I got the potty out for the youngest for the first time and the eldest was telling her off for putting it on her head and licking it and wanting to "poo in it to show her how".

Thank you all again - I've loved reading your responses.

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 23/11/2014 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yackity · 23/11/2014 00:27

I think that's the hardest age! Mine are now 5 and 7, and it's sooo much easier.

Your 3 year old isn't sensible enough to be left unsupervised, and your 1 year old is just learning to get into everything - a hellish combination.

Find safe places for them to play (either together or separately), tolerant friends, ...... and reigns.

Oh and snacks. Raisins are great for keeping them quiet.......

needaholidaynow · 23/11/2014 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ihateparties · 23/11/2014 00:36

Ha, mine are just 7, 4.9 and 2.9 (there was 4y5m between the 3) and it's sort of easier. The older two alone I would definitely say the difference between 3 years ago and now is massive. Last week I took them to a concert an hour's drive away, in the evening on a school night, very much a one off but it was genuinely enjoyable. The younger two actually also fine and have been for the past 6m or so. With them I had a year with both full time, before dd1 had her 15hrs funding, that was the hardest time so far. I didn't get to enjoy dd2 as a baby, I don't remember a lot of it. The other side of that is I'm getting to really enjoy her as a toddler while the other two are at school.

thewavesofthesea · 23/11/2014 00:39

My boys are nearly 3 and 5..... It is a bit easier but never easy!

CoolStoryBro · 23/11/2014 00:48

Do they still print those "Girlfriend's guide to..." books? I always remember reading the Girlfriend's guide to getting your groove back or something and it said, the moment you get into the car and realise all of your kids can do up their own seatbelts is when you're officially out of the worst part.

She forgot to mention that that only holds up if your older kids aren't teenagers by then!!

AGnu · 23/11/2014 00:58

My 18mo can now climb on the sofas & reach all the things I've put out of his reach. 3yo DS isn't potty trained yet but has learnt to remove his trousers & nappy. Yesterday I found him, and DS2, completely naked. After dressing them I noticed a smell in the room. I checked the floor but dismissed it as gas... Until DS1 mentioned that he "pushed it out on the floor". Took him so he could show me where... He pointed on top of the wardrobe where he'd thrown it! Hmm

This age is ridiculous. It's seriously making me reconsider my home-ed plan. We're sending DS1 to nursery after Christmas so I can have a bit of a break. I'm hoping once DS1 has a little more comprehension I'll be able to cope better. I enforce "quiet time" every afternoon. DS2 has a sleep & DS1 has to entertain himself in his room, usually with duplo. It's the only thing keeping me sane at the moment!

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