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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you aknowledge your childs 30th birthday

18 replies

hoppus · 20/11/2014 10:07

DH was 30 recently and not a peep from his family. No card, no phonecalls, not even a FB message.

He is wondering what he has done wrong as it's like this every year but his siblings always get cards and congratulations from the parents, so it's not like they are just not bothered by birthdays.

I am really annoyed because he is the most harmless person I have ever met and they are slowly exluding him from their lives. If he didn't make all the effort they would never see him. It got worse after DD was born so I guess DD and me are the problem Hmm

AIBU to give them all lumps of coal for Christmas, maybe wrapped in cellophane with a tasteful poem about what cunts they are.

OP posts:
HellBoundNothingFound · 20/11/2014 10:12

Time to just accept they aren't interested and time for you and DH to concentrate all your efforts into your own little family Smile

Original poster
hoppus · 20/11/2014 10:16

I know you're right but it's such a shame. There's no reason for it.

OP posts:
lylasmam2012 · 20/11/2014 10:19

My family don't really acknowledge my birthday either, sisters get brought out for lunch, I don't even get a text. It was my 30th this year too. I've given up caring!

DoJo · 20/11/2014 10:24

YANBU - they sound mean and uncaring. Is he tempted to stop making an effort with them? It can be a huge relief! Also, please post a draft of the tasteful cunt poem - I am imagining a rhyme with twunt, but want to be sure...Grin

Babiecakes11 · 20/11/2014 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hoppus · 20/11/2014 10:50

That's the thing I doubt he would give up the effort as he does want them in his life. Poor DH Sad

Sorry you're in the same situation Babiecakes11. I think we will probably do the same with just bothering with kids from now on. He makes loads of effort at christmas usually, has already started planning their gifts but the way they ignored his birthday I hope he will scrap it all off.

Hmm, I'm not really a poet, perhaps mumsnet can help with this??

Merry Christmas dearest family,
May all your chips be pissed upon,
And your days be spent with twunts,
I tried very hard to love you Ron,
But you are all just CUNTS.

CUNTS is in a lovely swirly bold font ofc.

None of them are called Ron but I needed a rhyme. Told you I was bad at this Grin

OP posts:
Hoggle246 · 20/11/2014 10:55

That is horrible. It amazes me how families can play favourites. I'm getting second hand experience of this atm and it's bloody awful.

Go for the cunt poem, sounds as though they deserve it. And yy to not putting as much effort in with Christmas. By the sounds of it, no matter what he does it won't be noticed.

Babiecakes11 · 20/11/2014 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miggsie · 20/11/2014 11:01

Some families are just terrible and not worth any brain space.

My friend was taken to lunch for her 21st - her sister was given a Porsche.

If someone shows they don't give a sh*t you are justified in not giving them one either.
Think of the money you'll save.

Original poster
hoppus · 20/11/2014 11:09

They haven't asked him for anything since he left home so I guess we are lucky in that respect. Your DPs family sound unbelievably cheeky!

Strangely I don't think he would be upset by unequal gifts, both of us are from large familys and I definitely had more or less than my siblings at certain times. When theres lots of you it's hard to be 'fair'. I can see how it would be awful if you were the one consistently getting less though. It's the complete nothing not even a FB message which is free!

OP posts:
aprilanne · 20/11/2014 11:12

oh what a shame for your hubby .but agree with others just tell him the most important people think he is wonderfull .i cannot imagine doing that .my son,s are 24 /18/14 .and i can asure you world war three would break out if i forgot my eldest son,s choccy advent calendar .even although he lives with his partner .

DoJo · 20/11/2014 11:26

H's family, there is one thing that I abhor
And that's your mistreatment of the man I adore
So I'm pleased to announce that you're all at the front
Of the race to find the world's most selfish cunt.

melika · 20/11/2014 11:36

Don't worry you are not alone, my DH does a lot of favours for every single one of his family, there are 7 siblings, only 2 sent him a card for his 50th. He got more from mine. They are complete twunts. I despise many of them now.

BringMeTea · 20/11/2014 11:47

They are utter cunts. Sorry. If you can, cut them loose for your own sanity and emotional well-being.

browneyedgirl86 · 20/11/2014 12:04

Of course they should acknowledge it! If they acknowledge his sisters but not his that's pretty shitty of them and I would find that impossible to ignore.

For my DPs 30th his parents got him socks and a mug and coaster set. DP maintains they are a close family but I thought that was a bit strange never mind ignoring it altogether!

Latara · 20/11/2014 12:11

I can't understand families like that, it's very sad.

Your DH at least has a wife who loves him and supports him though... imagine if he were single and had nobody, that would be awful.
I wouldn't send them anything for Christmas, they don't deserve it!

My dad's parents who were divorced were always a bit like this - they had 5 children and only really cared about 2 of them.

My friend's husband was 40 recently and got no cards or even a phonecall from his family - I think that it's very strange and definitely their loss as he's a nice bloke.

Original poster
hoppus · 20/11/2014 12:35

It's very sad how common this is.

I was a bit worried you'd all say YABU as I can be a bit OTT with birthdays, when my sister introduced her H we discovered he had never had a birthday party, felt so sorry for him we threw him one - it wasn't even his birthday Grin

It is very odd, it's not hard to phone or text with a quick message is it? It costs nothing to be nice. How can someone be so indifferent to their own kid.

Thanks DoJo

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 20/11/2014 12:56

Well, just for the record, we are a close, loving family (mother, two daughters) who are a bit erratic when it comes to birthdays. We sometimes send cards, but its no biggie if we don't. We give each other presents when we see something the other would love, whether its just trivial or generous. Its just that the actual day isn't that different to other days. If we are together on the day, we would mark it some how, but if not, we would arrange maybe a meal out on a different day

We do make a fuss for little ones, but tail off for adults. We have all we need, and we love each other. Its just not about presents or cards. We lived abroad a lot, and as children tended to mark 'official' birthdays when we were together.

For DH, this is pretty much sacrilege: he didn't grow up so happy and now i think he is making up for lost 'surprise present opportunites'. It took us a while to establish that we feel so differently about it.

The five languages of love book help me to understand how differently he feels about presents, its one way to show love that is important to him. For me, just not so much.

People can be different, just saying, if they don't seem to focus on presents, its not necessarily that they are bad people.

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