To think ex can't ban me from ever visiting a certain place again

[pinoli]

Long story short, ex and I were together for 20 years (since we were teens)

His family are quite wealthy and owe a holiday home abroad. We've been on holiday there every year since I was 17 and then with the DC since they were born (sometimes twice a year). Obviously ex has been going since he was a baby (house has been in the family for years).

The house isn't owed by him, but family members choose when they want it during the year and its rented for the remainder (holiday location and always fully booked). After we divorced, ex made it clear to his family and ex MIL in particular (who owns the house) that I was in effect banned from using it again. Thats fine, to be honest I didn't expect it would be ok, even though MIL said it was fine I knew ex would kick up about it.

However, the village/beach is one of my favourite places in the world. I obviously have a lot of memories there and all family holidays have been there since the DC were born. This year I planned to take the DC for a week in half term. Not to the ex family house but the same village and to rent a property.

Ex happen to text yesterday about his holiday plans with his partner for next year, so I mentioned that I would be going with the DC in May (we always arrange holidays in advance to stop clashes).

He sent back a text basically saying 'you have no right to go there, that is my family location, find somewhere else to go' I replied that obviously I wasn't going to stay at his property but somewhere else. His reply was 'damn right you're not staying there, and you aren't taking DC either, i'm planning on taking them in the summer and it will ruin our trip if they've already been'

This went on and on and ended with him saying 'I'm sure you'll just do whatever you want to anyway so crack on'

AIBU to still want to go on holiday here? I realise I could just find a new holiday location so may well be in the wrong. But the other part says hang on you don't own the bloody country, just one house!

Surely his family includes his kids.

Ignore.

Actually I think if this was the other way around a lot more people would be saying it was unreasonable.

I think if a partner is taking your children away and you know where they're going to take them then you book a holiday in exactly the same place a couple of months before them it is rude.

You're basically stealing their thunder and making sure that their holiday will be a bit of a damp squib and a let down because the children will have already been there once very recently.

I think most parents male or female would be annoyed if an ex did that. OP if you still want to have holidays there couldn't you agree to take the children alternate years and somewhere different alternate years so you all get a crack of the whip?

How would you have felt if you had booked in July and he'd announced he was taking them in May and you knew your holiday would be a let down and a bit of a disappointment as a result.

I don't think whether he had an affair or not is relevant to that. It smacks of game playing and using children as a weapon to me.

Regarding it being strange for the DC, they've been back both with ex and with ex and his partner since the split. They seemed fine with it.

DD asked me earlier if they would be able to get there stuff from the holiday house (there is a lock up shed with years of body boards, blow up boats, buckets and spades etc). I hadn't really thought about it in much detail, but clearly the answer would be no, which actually would be quite weird for them (being in that location but without their stuff)

I'm going to scrap the idea and go elsewhere.

Regarding the poster who asked why I had told ex where we were going. I wouldn't leave the country or expect him to leave the country with the DC without letting the other one know where they were going. Nothing malicious in it at all, just "planning a week in May to x"

I think that's a good idea. If you want to go back there with the kids I'd try and plan it well in advance and negotiate with your ex so you're not taking a break in the same area so close together. You might not have meant anything by it but it really does seem to me like something which could easily be construed as a passive aggressive way of trying to put a dampener on his holiday and if it's going to cause tension probably not worth it.

I think people are forgetting this has been your holiday destination for the last 20 years. How long before it can be yours.

However reading the last post it seems like it may well be very confusing for the kids.

Do you know a new destination may well be very exciting.

Hello textingdisaster

No I'm not, but parents have best friends there they've known since before I was born, and I have an Italian name, such is their love of the place! They regulary embarrass me by telling people I was conceived in Rome! Lol

It's a special place to me, so I do get OP's reluctance to find somewhere else. But yeah, if it's that much hassle, find somewhere new....but I understand the whole....why the hell does my life have to change because of what you did....etc...

I can sort of see ex's perspective, but I disagree with it. Realistically if he's going every year anyway then I doubt the DCs will be bothered about having been there a few months before. It isn't as if OP would be ruining an exciting surprise/once in a lifetime trip.

By letting her ex dictate that she can't go because it will ruin his holiday plans, she's effectively being told she can't go back full stop unless the ex decides to go somewhere else. Considering it has been her favourite holiday destination for many years it isn't acceptable at all for the ex to "ban" her from going. Even if she had only been once it still wouldn't be. It just smacks of him stamping his foot and saying "I had it first". Petty and pathetic. It's all very well and good saying "why don't you just go somewhere else" but if she does it should be OPs choice, not her ex's! Imagine being told you couldn't eat at your favourite restaurant or visit your favourite park, or anything else you enjoy just because your ex said so. It's outrageous.

If it was a reverse then frankly I'd be saying providing it is all arranged sensibly and the facts were the same (long standing family holiday venue, months apart etc) I'd be telling OP to suck it up and deal with it for a year.

OP go where you want to go. I agree that DCs not being able to pick up their things would be problematic and if that's the reason you'd rather go somewhere else that's up to you. But your ex is being an arse, and if you miss the place and want to go back then bon voyage and let us know if it was as amazing as you remember when you get back!

My friend's ex took their DC to the same zone of the same county a week before their holiday, so the DC had done much of the things in the area immediately prior to the second holiday. However, as it's a long standing destination that you and the DCs have gone to many times, there are no suprises being sabotaged, therefore it's reasonable in this case.

Sounds like a good opportunity for something different though.