My mum forgot to pick my son up from city centre

[WentworthMillerMad]

My mum collects my son every Monday after his pipe band rehearsal at 6pm and I stay at home with my younger 2 DCs. This has been the case for the past 12 months. I rang her yesterday to confirm she was picking him up at 6pm and she said she was looking forward to it. He is 11 and the pick up in from the city centre. It takes 1/2 hour to drive him home and by 6.20 I am on the window look out, 6.40 and i was a bit worried so called my mum, she started gibbering on about a recent weekend trip she had been on as i screamed 'where is F' and she screamed 'i forgot to pick him up'. At this point I was hysterical - he doesn't have a phone as yet. My husband dashed in the car whilst I called everyone i could think of.....a passer by in the mean time got my number from my son and called me and waited with him til DH arrived. My son had walked away from the rest of the band as he thought he saw grannys car. I do not blame the band for this as it is parent's responsibility to collect and there are clear numbers to call if an emergency crops up. We didn't call as presumed granny was on hand. My issue is the distress it caused my son, alone in a city centre and with my mum. She is 65. What to do next? I need advice........

You don't need advice....she forgot! The only you need to check is whether there is another reason for forgetting (i.e. a medical reason for forgetting)

We all forget things, dss and dds included unfortunately!

What did your mum say? Did she apologise or give you a reason as to why she forgot?

Get him a phone and do the pick ups yourself is my advice. We all make mistakes.

I would chalk it up to experience and forget about it. Its not like she did it on purpose, these things happen, nobody's perfect! Unless of course you have other concerns regarding your mum's memory......

Why isn't your Dh picking him up?

Do that

At what point did she realise she hadn't collected him? While you were on the phone together?

I would get your son a wee cheap mobile just in case. How is he now?
Is you mum prone to such forgetfulness?

It sounds all pretty worrying

I think you need to calm down.
it was (presumably) a one off and all is well in the end.
maybe get a cheap payg phone for ds? and make a 'what if' plan with him in case there is a delay.

Was there any particular reason why Granny might have forgotten this once - poorly, ill relative, hasn't done it for a couple of weeks?
If not, I think you need to look into alternative arrangements for your Monday evenings.
Also, how about a cheap PAYG mobile for your DS, just to take for such events. I do that with my 10yo eg if she is walking home from school that day, or she has a dance practice and we're not sure when she will be finished.

My parents forgot to pick me up on a few memorable occasions and I've forgotten to do the pickup myself. Unless there are other issues at play I think it is just one of these things and she will be more upset with herself than you are with her.

I'd calm down a bit and put this down to a single mistake on your dm's behalf. But I would put in motion arrangements to ensure that your son has a cheap PAYG mobile to call you in case anyone is late to pick him up and that also, he'd told not to wander off anywhere at the end of band practice.

Im not sure what you need advice about?? Are you concerned about your mum's memory loss? FWIW I'm sure your son isn't 'traumatised' about being forgotten once, nothing untoward happened he just had to stand around for a while. Why didn't he walk back to the building where his rehearsal was and wait in there/ask to use the phone?

We do all forget things... but not things like this. Not when it's been a pattern for a year. Not when you called yesterday and reminded/confirmed. And not when forgetting means a child alone in a city centre. This could have ended very differently.

Your mum's feelings aren't more important than your DS's safety. She should see that too. I don't know what you do, but I know that the first consideration should be making sure that this can never happen again. The most effective way to do that would be to change the lift arrangement, the second would be for you to remind her during the day, call to confirm she's leaving to get him ten minutes before she has to, always have a back up... etc.

A one-off can always be a bizarre one-off, but in this instance I'd also be quite worried that she could completely forget something that should be looming large in her mind, something she should have in her mental map as a big 'I will be doing this now' anchor point. I would be worried.

As someone who forgot to pick up a friends child, and not just for got to pick them up but Didn't remember I was supposed to til I got a message from them in the evening to say said child was home safely, all I can say is, she must have had a lot on her mind to forget. She is only human, and this most likely scared her more than it did you and made her question if she is losing her mind.
My (extremely lovely) friend forgave me instantly and asked if everything was ok. It wasn't, I had too much on and hadn't realised how much I'd overloaded myself til that happened. I have never forgotten her daughter since (and yes she still trusts me to collect her) and I will never forget my friends kindness and understanding.

Yanbu, I wonder if there is a medical condition undiagnosed which caused her to forget. Or she got distracted. Why did your DH not collect him, is he at home too. Mabey it's better now if DH collected him, Mabey it's too much for granny.

Also if your son is 11 can you make sure he has a phone with him for the days he does band. If your mum had had an accident for example, he would still have been stuck in town with no one there...

thanks everyone - cheap phone sorted and i am glad a few said calm down and don't over react - my son is fine about it!!
i am worried about my mums memory but i think if i say no more pick ups she will be devestated. I am thinking she texts me as she leaves to get him and he has a fully charged phone with emergency 10....thank you!

Like others, people forget things... I'd be more worried by your son not being able to do anything himself to resolve the issue, and concentrate on that wake up call, phone, asking for help etc.

At least he had your phone number to hand.

but YABU for being excessively upset.

In your mum's shoes I would be distraught that I'd forgotten but you could be certain it would NEVER happen again. Unless you or she have cause to believe that there is a more serious memory problem I would put yourself in her place for a moment and forgive her lapse.

I'm sure your DS will be fine, he can laugh about the time granny forgot him.

Sounds like you have had doubts about your mum, what with the waiting at the window when they are not due home for ten minutes?

I feel for you. Have a good chat with your mum

It was an accident. Can your Mum. Set a reminder on her phone that goes off every Monday at 5.30 to remind her?

Crikey, what a lot of assumptions about your mum's memory. She forgot your son once (we all make mistakes) and all of a sudden she appears to be in the advanced stages of dementia.

If I was her, I'd ask you to do it yourselves from now on, since you think she is so incapacitated.

I have forgotten to collect my children once from school, I was mortified when they rang me about an hour later to see where I was- it just went completely out of my mind. My mum minds my children and although she's never forgotten to pick up, she has come without a key and been locked out of the house. People are not perfect, and a one-off, is a mistake about which I'm sure she is really upset. Obviously if a pattern emerges that is different.

Have you been worried already about her memory?

He's 11, and old enough to be able to deal with this. You on the other hand need to calm down and let him grow up! I mean that nicely, not in a kind of way.

Your mum forgot, it happens. I doubt she will forget again.